Crazed
by glittergirl20
Summary: Crazy, insane, deranged. These are words citizens from District 4 use to describe me, if only they knew what it was like in the arena, what it's like to murder someone. If they knew they would never mutter those words again. Sanity is not a choice you can't just choose to get over it. Follow Dylan Watt and see the effects the Hunger Games had on him. Spin off from Finnick's Story
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

I wake up to a loud crash and screams that follow shortly after . Another building must've collapsed. Which is not uncommon here, especially since it is almost hurricane season. People know the buildings are condemned but they go there anyways. After all where else would you go in the lower level of District 4.

While people in Panem probably think the citizens of District 4 are living it up with there big houses and extravagant fish. That is not the case. There are three levels in District 4 upper, middle, and lower.

The upper level citizens have as much money as the victors and their houses are slightly bigger.

The middle level is where most of the population resides. They work in shops or as fishermen. They have decent sized houses. They don't have to worry about money much and don't worry about getting something to eat.

The lower level is where people put their names in for tesserae. It's because people can't find work. People don't want to hire or even talk to people from this part of the District. I don't know why but, it doesn't make things easy. Food is hard to come by here and so is shelter.

I am from the lower level of District 4.

There aren't many houses here and most of the buildings are usually condemned. The structures are too dangerous to be in. This part of the District is the remains of District 4 from the dark days. People don't want to be reminded of that so they avoid it.I don't know how people ended up here. I'm not one to ask. It's easy to run out of money or lose your job. Besides it's not like I have many people to ask.

Luckily my sister and I have a house or as I like to call it a shack. It has a kitchen, a bathroom and a main room with a fire place. At least we have a roof over our head. That is more than most people who live in the lower level can say.

Our parents died two years ago in a hurricane. My sister and I had trouble coming up with money. Our parents weren't poor. For the standards of the lower level. They didn't have enough money that would last us for the rest of our lives. That isn't reality though. I don't think most people inherent enough money that can last a lifetime.

We couldn't really find jobs. People don't hire you unless you are twenty. I don't know why. I had to put my name in to take tesserae to make sure my sister and I could have something to eat.

I did this when my parents were alive also. They didn't want my sisters name in there anymore times than it had to be. When they died she was nineteen. She couldn't sign up for tesserae when we really needed it.

It doesn't matter anymore because she is twenty-one now and has a job. She has a better job than most people in the lower level have. She is a butcher at the fish market. She mostly cleans the fish carcasses. She gets paid minimum wage which is more than most citizens from the lower level can say. We usually don't have to worry about getting food.

"Dylan." My sister tells me gently

"What?" I say slightly annoyed. I did just wake up to the sounds of people screaming.

"It's almost time." She says sadly

It's almost time for the reaping of the 62nd Hunger Games. I'm 18 and my is only supposed to be in there six times but, it is in there thirty-three times. The odds are not exactly in my favor. I am unaware of how many times the average citizen from District 4 has there name in. It is common knowledge that the people who are better off would not need extra food. Even if it was to try and get their named called it would be stupid because you could just volunteer.

District Four is considered a career District. This is simply because more people volunteer here. The citizens here are given more opportunities than other Districts. While people in District 1 and 2 love the Hunger Games as much as Capitol citizens that is not the case with people from District 4. People here don't usually like the Hunger Games. The only people who do are people from the upper level. They are the minority of the District. None the less we are seen as killing machines. People don't stop and realize that we don't have volunteers every year. In the past two years we haven't had one.

"Don't worry after this it will be over." My sister says.

"Emily, I'm going to worry."

She smiles "Well, fine. Worry, get it out of your system. Just come back here when it's over."

"Okay. Are you going to be here?"

"Probably not. After the reaping the butcher's is still open. I will probably be working late. I put in an overtime work order. The prices for food usually rise this time of year. Making a cushion won't hurt." She smiles.

"Especially since we can't get the tesserae next year." I say

"Don't worry about that now." Emily smiles

She looks to the clock.

"We should start heading down. It's an hour walk to the square." She tells me

"Too bad we don't live in a different level, it is only a mere twenty minute walk."

"Well, we don't." she says slightly annoyed. "Complaining about this won't change anything."

"People think this place is like poor Districts." I say

"It could be. We would never know though." She says.

We head to the town square and I get checked in. I head over to the section where all of the eighteen year old boys are.

After a few minutes our escort Julius comes out.

Julius is wearing a suit that is bright blue and has black sparkles outlining it. There is a glare coming off of it from the sun. To match his outfit he has blue hair and blue and black makeup to complete the look.

We get shown the propaganda film that explains this happens because people tried to rebel 62 years ago. They wanted their freedom. Everyone still wants their freedom but because of the Hunger Games we are too afraid to do anything.

The video is over and they introduce the victors.

First is Mags an older woman. Her hair is a perfect mixture of gray and white. Next is James he has a strong build. He has hair that is black as coal and his eyes match. He is pale almost as if he is sick. The last victor is a woman. Marina she is tan, has dark brown hair, and green eyes. She has scars all over her body because of the acid rain the gamemakers used in the arena. That is why she won because she didn't get severally hurt like unlike the other tributes.

"Alright now let's see who will be competing this year." Julius says ecstatically

"As always ladies first." He says

He reaches his hand far into the bowl and finally finds one he is satisfied with.

"Elena Stark." He says. A girl from the thirteen section goes out.

_Great dead girl walking._ I think to myself.

I'm hoping someone will want to volunteer. She gets to the stage and I notice Marina's face looks as if all the blood has drained out of it. Maybe that is her daughter.

"How does it feel Elena to be representing District 4 this year?" Julius asks

"Great." She says softly. I think she knows she will die.

"Now to the boys." Julius says

He goes over to the glass bowl and picks the first piece of paper that touches his hand.

_Let's get this over with._ I think.

I'm not really worried. I know my odds, and they aren't in my favor.

"Dylan Watt." Julius says.

I wish I could say I was surprised but, I'm not. My name was in there more than the usual citizen. I'm not even angry. I think with my name in there so many times it's surprising it didn't get called sooner.

I walk to the stage and my face isn't holding an expression because I don't care.

"So Mr. Watt how does it feel to be the male tribute representing District 4 for the 62nd Hunger Games?"

"I don't know. I do know I just want them to start." I say in a dead pan voice. I sound almost bored. It's because I don't care. I know I'm going to die. Why bother pretending when I know what will happen. Most people will think this is some power trip. That is not the case. I just don't care.

I don't think the odds are in my favor. I don't know how to use a weapon and I'm not strong because I'm usually starving. I am smart. I know things about nature. How to set fires. Which is an essential survival skill but I don't think that will help much. You need to be good at something physical not just mental.


	2. Chapter 2

"Five minutes" I hear a peacekeeper say

I turn around expecting to see my sister but instead I see my friend Tyler.

Tyler is tall. He has brown hair and brown eyes like most of the people in the lower level.

Except for a few like myself and my sister. We have the standard District 4 look blonde hair, green eyes, and tanned skin. I think our could've originally been from the middle level before the dark days

I have known Tyler my whole life. He is almost a brother. Him and his familt were close to my parents. When they died they made sure we were alright. They couldnt really give us food but did occasionally. Tyler has a sister and brother they are 13 and 14. His parents never want there names in more than it has to be. This is Tyler's last year we both know his brother will be putting his name in.

"Hi." I tell him like it is a casual day.

"Hi?" He says confused. "Listen I know you think you're going to die."

"I am going to die." I tell him in a dead pan voice.

"Why must you be so blunt?"

"Accepting reality doesn't make me blunt. I don't have the skills you need to win this thing." I tell him

"Well you shouldn't just lie down and die. You should at least try."

I roll my eyes "Of course I'm going to try. I want to live but I am accepting reality."

"Well whatever. It was nice being your friend" He smiles

"So sincere." I tease

"Look after her." I'm referring to my sister. She should be alright if I die. But our family does have a history of depression. I don't want her to kill herself.

"Don't worry I've never taken my eyes off of her." He smiles.

He has always had a thing for my sister. He has never done anything about it. I wouldn't care if he did. The heart wants what it wants.

"I'm being serious Tyler. "

"I know. I will make sure she doesn't do anything crazy. Plus with you out of the way I might actually have a shot with Emily."

"I have never been in your way. Besides she usually doesn't go for guys like you."

"What she one of those girls that marry for money" he says sarcastically.

"She has more dignity than that."

If you are really desperate people marry people with money. It doesn't matter how old or young. If you find someone with money who is interested in you, you will stay with them like a leech does to skin.

"I know and I will look after her." He smiles

"Times up." The peacekeeper says

"Bye Dylan." He says and is escorted out of the room.

A minute passes and another peacekeeper comes in and tells me I have five minutes. This time it is Emily. She walks over and hugs me.

"Don't worry. I'm sure you'll be alright." She says but I can tell she is lying.

"Are you lying for your befit or mine?" I tell her

"Both maybe." She smiles a broken smile. I can see tears forming in her eyes

"Don't cry. I'm not going to give up. I am smart."

"That usually isn't enough." She whispers

She thinks I'm going to die and has accepted it too.

"Look away from the screen when you think I will die."

"Dylan." She says surprised

"I don't want you to be emotionally scarred by seeing me getting murdered. Just look away and pretend I died doing something else."

"I won't be able to pretend." She says

"Well then promise you'll look away."

"I…"

I can tell she is going to say no.

"Emily I say angrily "Please look away." I beg

"Alright. How would you know I did?"

"I wouldn't but I'm hoping your word is good enough. I don't want your last memory of me to me getting murdered."

"Okay." She says and a few tears trickle out of her eyes.

"Don't worry you'll be fine." I tell her

"Shouldn't I be the one telling you that?"she says

"Why? We both know I'm going to die."

"It's sounds like you've already given up." She says angrily

"I don't want to die. I think we both know my chances of dying are high. I'm not going to give."

"Good." She can here the peacekeeper moving towards the door

She hugs me tightly. "I love you." She whispers in my ear

"Love you." I tell her. She kisses my cheek and the peacekeeper comes in to take her away.

I sit there for the rest of the hour in silence. I don't have many friends and some of them died last year when a hurricane came. It knocked down a decent amount of houses.

I don't think anyone else will be coming. Why can't I just spend my leftover time with the people who visited me.

I get escorted to the train station by two peacekeepes. They probably think I'll try to run away. I don't understand when people do that. They are just going to come and drag you back.

I get put on the train and can see Julius with the two victors. Mags and Marina are here this year. I wonder how they decide who goes.

Marina is talking with the Elena. They definitely know on another.

"These will be your mentors Mags and Marina. It seems like you will be getting Mags, Dylan." Julius says and walks to another train car.

Mags comes and walks over to me. "Hi, Dylan. How do you feel?"

I shrug "Alright I guess. I really want to get this over with."

She probably isn't going to take it the way I mean it. I want to get this agony over with so I can die.

"You shouldn't be so cocky kid. You don't look strong enough to physically attack anyone." Marina says.

"I know. I just want to get all of this over with. I don't want to jump through all of these hoops when I know I'm going to die."

The girl starts crying when I say this. I guess I should know better. I should put my cynical feelings on the back burner when she is around. I don't want to scare her more than she already is.

"It's alright Elena. Let's go to the dining car." Marina says kindly but, glares at me when she leaves.

Mags looks like she is going to say something but before she does.

"I know, I will tone it down when she is around."

Mags smiles at me "Good. Are you even going to try?"

"Of course. I just know the possibility of me dying is high. Just like the chance of my name getting called were high."

It is silent

"Do they know each other. Marina and Elena?" I ask

Mags nods sadly. "Yes. That's her niece."

"Must be hard. Mentoring the person you love who has a 1 in 24 shot of living." I say glumly.

"Yes, I imagine it would be."

"I should help her."

"Marina? I don't think that would be wise. She already doesn't like you."

"I figured that one out myself. I was talking about Elena. She deserves to win more than I do."

Mags smiles at me "I'll talk to Marina. Why don't we head to the dining car."

We leave the room and head to the dining car. I get inside and I am surprised. There is a long table that occupies most of the room and the whole table is covered with food. This is more food than I have seen in my entire life. This meal could probably feed everyone in the lower level and all of this was made for just five people. That is crazy to me and I know we won't consume all of it. It's sad to see how distorted the views of the people of The Capitol are.

"You might want to slow down eating. Unless you want to choke and die. That would mean one less person to kill. So I guess it doesn't matter." Marina says

I'm used to consuming my meals quickly. It's because our parents told us not to let other people see us have food. They thought people would come and steal it. I think they were just paranoid. Emily and I got used to it so we still do it. I don't even notice anymore.

"Sorry." I tell her.

"So what happens when we get to The Capitol." I ask wanting to change the subject.

"You get ready for the opening ceremonies. It is very exciting but, we have another day on the train." Julius smiles

"So what do we do in the mean time?" I ask

"We will watch the recaps tomorrow." Mags says

"Get to see the competition." I mutter

Elena looks like she might cry again.

"I'm sure it will be alright." I smile at her.

"What would you know. You just want to kill me" She shouts.

"I don't want to kill you. I don't want to kill anyone." I tell her it isn't a lie. I don't want to.

"Don't fill her heads with lies." Marina says

"He's telling the truth. He said he wanted to help her. He said she deserved to live not him." Mags says.

Marina looks at me strangely. "If that is the case I want to speak with you privately later." She smiles slightly.

Elena starts crying and runs out of the room. Marina quickly follows behind her.

"Why do you think she wants to see me privately?"

"She wants to make her judgement about you one on one. If she trusts you she will probably start asking you about your skills, she might strike some sort of deal."

"What kind of deal?"

"I don't know. It will work differently because this is her niece. If she offers a deal it will probably involve you dying." She says

"Well, she deserves to live more than I do. She is only thirteen, she deserves to live longer." I say

Mags smiles "You're a good person Dylan."

"Thanks." I tell her.

She heads to her room and I do as well. I do feel that she deserves to live. I am willing to die for that girl just to prolong her life, even if it is only for a few days. She deserves to live longer than I do.


	3. Chapter 3

_I can't sleep on this train._ I think to myself

The bed it too soft and it is too quiet. I keep thinking someone is going to jump out and attack me. That will be happening in a few days. I should get used to the feeling.

I come to the conclusion that I will not be sleeping. I'm not used to sleeping on such lush beds. I would probably have better luck sleeping on the floor. It doesn't matter I don't feel like trying it now.

I will walk around the train. I don't think I will get yelled at. Besides what can they do to me? I'm pretty sure not much because I need to be able to compete in the Hunger Games.

I leave my room and head to the main car. I mutter things to myself because I'm assuming no one is around.

"Are you sleeping walking or something."

I jump at the sound of Marina's voice .

"No ."

She scoffs "Too afraid to sleep?"

"No it's too comfortable . I'm not use to it. It is making sleep almost impossible."

"Well it won't change once we get to the Capitol. You should try sleeping on the floor."

"I was going to try that."

"Sit next to me." She commands I feel strange like she will attack me

"Did you not hear me?" She says

I sigh "Have you ever tried being nice ?" I tell her

She scoffs "I don't see the point when you will probably be dead."

"Maybe so but I would prefer to be surrounded by kindness before I die."

"Live is not all gumdrops and roses Dylan. You can obviously tell because you are on a train being sent to your death.."

"Is that what's going on. Thanks for giving me the update. Can leave now?" I ask her

"No, I we any to talk about what Mags said at dinner."

"You mean that I want to help Elena ? "

"Was that a lie ?"

"No I'm willing to die for that girl."

"But why?"

"She's younger and deserves to live longer. Besides I'm sure she has more opportunities in than I would've. Also she has more people that will miss her. I can only think of three people who will miss me."

"I don't feel sorry for you." She says

"Good, I don't want the pity." I tell her

"Can you do anything " she asks

"Not really. I'm more brains than anything else and smart people don't win."

She scoffs "If that were true 3 would never have a victor. They are all brain but they have at least three currently residing in their Victors Village."

"Really?" I say surprised.

"Yes, however in this case I don't think it will be helpful. I think she would be better off on her own."

"She's 13." I say

"I'm aware." She says angrily

"The other careers won't want to work with her. Not because she is young but because she can't hide that she is scared. I doubt she will get in any other alliances. If she has me it will be better than no one."

"Well you will probably be able to get in with them." She says referring to the careers.

"How? My training score will be low because I have nothing to show them. I could kiss up to get more people to work with but I don't think that is necessary. I don't understand alliances when eventually you end up killing people off. Everyone should just go it alone."

"That is not human nature though. We aren't me to be alone ." She says.

"Whatever." I say angrily.

"If that is how you feel won't you be killing her."

"No the only person getting hurt in this alliance will be myself."

"Really why is that?" She says intrigued

"I will stick with her for the whole game. I will protect her and die for her. If we make it to the final two . I will just kill myself so she can be the victor ."

Marina looks at me a little shocked. I still don't know if she thinks I'm telling the truth . I don't care either.. I know I am and that is l that matters. If she wants me to keep her niece safe she will have to tell her I won't kill. Her the ball is in her court I can't do anything but she if she makes the mart decision.

"What you're saying is probably true. I think you will be the best I can get. In the training center practices weapons ."

"I only get three days. How can I be good at killing people?"

"You won't but you will gain a basic knowledge. If you as smart as you think you are you should be able to use thy knowledge and apply it to the real life situation." She says

I nod

"How did you win?" She strikes me as the person who would volunteer.

"I killed three people in self defense. I won because the gamemakers pour edacid rain over us. Probably wanted it to end. I had the most coverage so I won ."

"I see."

"Well I know you aren't going to sleep but I am." She gets up and walks out. "It has been a pleasure Dylan" She smiles

Well looks like I have her trust or at least her approval to help her niece. Even if she didn't approve I would try to help her. She would think I am trying to kill her but it doesn't mater.

I sit on the couch and stare out the window until I see sunlight.

* * *

I am awoken by a loud bang. It is the train attendants getting breakfast ready. I have no idea when I fell asleep. I just remember the sun rising.

"Can we get you anything sir?" One of the train attendants asks

_Yes a ticket out of here._ I think to myself.

"No, I'm alright."

He smiles and starts to bring out the food. I see eggs, strips of meat I am not familiar with, oatmeal, juice, coffee, hot chocolate, toast, bagels, potatoes, pastries, pancakes, muffins, and something labeled crepes that has whipped cream and an assortment of toppings next to it. I wonder what happens to all of the food we don't eat.

"What happens to the leftovers?" I ask the train attendant.

"The staff gets it. If there is still some left it comes with the rest of the waste. Why?" He asks confused

"Just curious. There's usually a decent amount left."

"Most of it gets eaten." He looks me up and down. He probably knows I don't get to eat much and would be outraged if I knew they were wasting it. He could be lying but I would never know.

I sit at the table and pour some apple juice. I don't feel like going to my room and I don't want to sit around and do nothing with all of the train attendants.

After thirty minutes Julius comes out.

"Hello Dylan! You must be excited to watch the recaps like myself." Julius says. He pours some coffee and grabs some of the crepes and douses it with strawberries and bananas.

I start to feel hungry. I didn't before probably because I was uncomfortable.

I take my plate and don't go for the sweet stuff. I take the eggs, some rashers of the meat, potatoes, and a bowl of the strawberries that are meant for the crepes.

"How long have you been doing this?" I ask him. There was someone before him. I think the first year was the one before Marina's.

"I don't know but I just wish I would've been doing it longer. When you get a victor you get to go to marvelous events. The last victor was Marina and that was a while ago. I hope you can win."

"So you can attend marvelous events." I say with disgust.

"Oh, don't worry Dylan you will be able to attend them as well."

"Gee that changes everything." I say sarcastically.

"I know."

He clearly doesn't understand that I don't care about these _marvelous _events. I think it is disgusting that, the only reason he wants us to win is so he can go to stupid events.

Mags walks in.

"Good morning." She smiles at me.

"Good morning." I tell her.

"Did you sleep alright?"

I shrug "Not really, everything here is too... nice."

She nods.

"I didn't think District 4 was that different from the Capitol. It doesn't matter because you get to enjoy all of it Dylan." Julius smiles.

I want to yell at him.

"Yes at least I will live the life of leisure before i die."

"That's the spirit." He beams

I look at him with a mix of shock and anger. He isn't even denying that I am going to die. He could at least pretend. I don't really care. I hate pity but, this is something entirely different.

Before I can yell at him Marina and Elena come out.

"Good, now everyone is here. The recaps will be in a few hours and then we will be in The Capitol for the opening ceremonies." Julius looks to myself and Elena. "It really is something you will not believe your eyes and we have some of the better stylists. They don't do the same thing every year." He smiles

"Great." I say unamused.

"Isn't though." Julius says and goes back to eating his crepes.

I finish eating and head to a different train car. I don't want to be around Julius. He is annoying and clueless. I hope all of The Capitol citizens aren't as deluded as he is.

I sit on the couch in a different train car and look down at my feet. I want to go home. I don't want to be here and I don't want to die.

"Dylan." I hear Elena say in a scared voice.

I turn around

"Hi Elena. Is it time for the recaps or something?"

She shakes her head "No."

"Did you want to talk about something?" I ask her why else would she find me. Maybe Marina told her to talk with me. I hope she didn't tell her I'm going to kill myself for her. That could cause a disaster. If I knew someone would kill themselves for me I would object.

"What do you think it is going to happen?"

_Well we are going to The Capitol and I won't be coming back. _I think to myself. I can't tell her that, that would scare her.

"We will go to The Capitol." I tell her. She already knows this though.

"I know that. I mean all of the stuff we have to do. The opening ceremonies, training, interview with Caesar Flickerman, and well... the main event."

"It's probably not much different from watching it on television except we are the tributes this year. It probably isn't as bad as it looks."

"You're probably wrong... it's going to be worse." She says bluntly "I'm going to die." She whispers and starts crying.

I don't know how to comfort crying people. I feel whatever I do is never enough.

"No, you aren't. I will make sure of it."

She looks up at me and her eyes are sparkling with tears.

"Then you will die."

"There is only one winner. I think it should be you."

"But... "

She doesn't know what to say and I don't know what to tell her.

"I can't win." She says. "I can't do anything."

_Preach__ it to the choir girl. _ I think.

I can't do anything either. I'm not going to tell her that. I am going to be helping her. So I should pretend I do. When we get to the training center it will be rather obvious I was lying.

"Don't worry about it now. You can always just hide for the majority of it." I think of the recent victor. They were from District 9 and they literally hid the whole time. They stayed in camo. When the last tribute thought they won they jumped out and killed them.

"I guess." She says.

"At least you won't be alone." I tell her.

The train goes into a tunnel and when we come out we are enveloped in the Capitol. Abstract buildings and strange people are everywhere.

"So this is The Capitol." I say.

"Yes." She says

"I hate it." I tell her.

I haven't stepped on Capitol soil and I hate this place already. This will be the last place I see before I enter the arena. This will be the last place I see before I die.


	4. Chapter 4

We get off the train and are escorted to the hotel where we will be made up. There are a flurry of people running around like the place has caught on fire and they are trying to find the exit.

"Alright Dylan. Follow me. I will take you to see Louise." Julius says

I nod. I'm assuming this Louise person is my stylist. I get taken to an empty room that has a mirror, two stools, and a long table that looks like it is used for operations. I sit on the table. I wonder what they are going to do to me.

After a few minutes the door opens. I expect to see this Louise person but instead it's two girls. One has hair the shade of blood and her skin tone is softer. The other has hair orange like fire with streaks of yellow in it. Her skin is a golden orange almost as if the sun is setting. She reminds me of fire.

"Hello." I tell them.

The red one sighs "You're so scrawny." She says with disapproval. "I was expecting someone better for my first year. Maybe next year there will be someone better."

"Well, sorry red." I tell her

"Don't call me that." She looks at me with anger. "My name is Abbi and that is my sister Emma." She motions to the orange girl. "And just so you know you're going to die. So you being a bad canvas should make up for it." She snarls.

"Gee thanks for informing me." I say unamused. She is right and I don't care enough to deal with her.

"Abbi you forgot the sprayers." Emma tell her.

"Oh, yes. The look would be incomplete without it. I will be right back." she says and stomps out of the room.

The Emma girl starts to mess with my hair.

"Sorry Abbi she isn't good with people." She tells me.

"Well, what she was saying is the truth." I tell her.

She looks at me sadly.

"You wouldn't bet on me." I tell her.

"I can't bet so it doesn't matter." She smiles.

"But, if you could... picking me would be the dumb choice. Correct?" I tell her.

She shrugs "Scores haven't been posted yet. When I did bet that is how I determined it. Appearances aren't everything." She smiles.

She doesn't seem as bad as her sister.

Abbi comes back into the room with the sprayers. There are three of them each have a can that appears to paint attached to them. They are blue, green, and white.

"Take off your shirt." She commands.

I do as I am told

"This might be cold." she tells me. She starts to spray the paint on me. Her sisters take out a palette of paint that has blue, green, and white. She starts making intricate designs on my face. On the left side of my face it looks like a wave during high tide when hitting a rock. On the right side it has flecks of water on it. Abbi has mixed the blue, green, and white spray to make an interesting pale blue color.

"Alright you're done." Abbi says. "Stay here and wait for Louise to show up." She says and stomps out of the room.

Emma smiles at me "Good luck."

"Emma let's go." I hear Abbi yell. She smiles one more time and leaves the room.

I look in the mirror and wonder why the people in The Capitol find oddly colored skin so... attractive I guess.

"I look like an idiot." I say to myself.

"Well, I try not to make it too silly." A man says. I'm assuming this is Louise.

"I um..."

"Don't worry most of the tributes feel this way. Keep in mind that I designs the outfits so the citizens of The Capitol will enjoy them. Not the everyday citizen of Panem." He smiles at me.

Louise seems alright. He looks like he is in his late forties. His skin is the color of a peach and he has sandy blonde hair. He has silver tattoos that start underneath his eyes and drift all the way to his wrist in intricate circles.

"I see." I tell him strangely. He is different from Abbi and Emma.

"Yes, so are you alright." He asks me.

"I think I look fine."

He smiles "That's not what I meant. I meat how are you dealing with everything."

"Why do you care? Don't you enjoy watching me die." I say angrily. His comment seems genuine. Maybe it is because I have been with Julius for so long.

"I don't enjoy the Hunger Games as much as the average Capitol citizen."

"Really?" I say shocked.

"Really. I don't like watching people kill on another. Especially when there is not a good reason for it."

I look at him shocked. I don't know how to respond. I thought all people from the Capitol were shallow and loved this. I guess a fair few have a grip on reality.

"So what do you think of the Capitol?"

"I hate it." I tell him truthfully.

"That's what most of you say. I would hate it too if I was dragged to fight to the death."

"Well only one makes it back alive and I know it's not going to be me."

"You should put out positive energy. It would help if you think you will win."

"I know I won't."

"Why's that?"

"I'm going to kill myself... for the female tribute. I don't want her to die." I tell him.

He looks at me surprised. I don't think anyone has ever told him this before.

"Well then I hope you can keep her safe." He smiles at me

He gives me some clothes to put on. A white t-shirt that has carefully crafted rips and a bit of red paint that resembles blood and the shorts that are also ripped. He drips some red on my legs to make it looks like they are dripping blood. I don't understand this concept but, since it is for The Capitol I'm sure they will get it.

We head to where the chariots are and I see Elena and her stylist.

Elena is wearing more make up than a thirteen year old should. Louise is nice I wonder if the other stylist isn't, maybe they don't consider having younger tributes.

Her face is shimmery almost as if the sun is shining on it. She has her hair pinned back and it has blue and white highlights in it. She has on a dress that is blue and white and shimmers when she moves. Her eyes look terrifying because of the makeup. They look like the head of shark because of the makeup. It is very detailed and probably took a long time to perfect. Her lashes are white for the teeth when she opens her eyes it looks like the shark is about to attack it's next victim. She also has streaks of red makeup that resemble blood around her mouth.

I start to understand the outfit choices.

"The shark and the victim." I say

"Exactly." Louise says.

"It would've made more sense if she was older and he was younger." the other stylist says.

"Perhaps but it still works." He smiles.

Mags and Marina come over to us.

"Don't make her cry." The stylist tells Marina. "That makeup took forever and I don't want it to get messed up so close to the main event." She say and walks off.

"It's alright Elena." Marina tell her with compassion which surprises me. When she talks to me her voice holds disdain and anger. I guess she is capable of love.

"Do I look okay?" She asks her.

She smiles "You look wonderful."

Mags comes over to me.

"Are you alright?" She asks

"Of course. I just want to get this over with." I tell her.

"Marina told me what you are going to do. You're better than most of the tributes who come here." She tells me

"Well, I don't know how to respond to that."

She smiles.

_Tributes to your chariots. _A voice yells out.

"Time to make your debut." She smiles at me.

"I'll make sure to get their attention." I tell her.

I get on the chariot with Elena and we get hauled out into the crowd. I see Capitol citizens. Each one looks as ridiculous as I do. Different colored skin, crazy hair, strange makeup, carefully crafted facial hair, and tattoos. These people must have lots of money to waste to look this ridiculous.

We get stopped so President Snow can make the opening remarks. He acknowledges that we are very brave souls and should feel honored to have been chosen to compete in this historic event. He then says the treasured words people from the Capitol probably love: Panem Today. Panem Tomorrow. Panem Forever.

Most of the population probably think something different when they hear those words. Panem Today, is the beginning of the Hunger Games and the end of 23 people's lives. Panem Tomorrow, we will have to watch them fight to the death. Panem Forever, we are forever entrapped. We are never free. It makes sense that this is the slogan for our country. After all it is really just a reminder that we have no control.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

"That was lovely, now let me show you to our living quarters." Julius says.

"Great." I say.

He takes us to the elevator and presses the 4 button.

"You get the floor assigned to your District. In case you ever forget which floor we are on." Julius says.

I nod. After a few minutes the elevator dings and we are taken to our living quarters.

It has a main room that has a couch, a few chairs, and a coffee table. They are all placed toward the television which we will be seeing our scores from. There is room that has a long table and a crystal chandler above it. I'm assuming this is where we will be eating. Then there are two hallways that I'm assuming lead towards the bedrooms.

"This place is nice." Elena says.

"Yes." I say not bother looking at her.

I sit down on the sofa. The material is very soft and it seems to mold to my skin. It is very comfortable but, I don't like it. It just reminds how different this place is from home.

"Yes make yourself comfortable. Dinner will be soon. Marina and Mags can give you advice for tomorrow." He smiles and then goes down one of the hallways I'm assuming he is going to his room.

"Alright, so what will happen tomorrow?" I ask.

"You go to the training center." Mags says.

"I know but..."

"What are we supposed to do." Elena whimpers. I think she is crying.

"Why don't we get that makeup off you you." Marina tells her.

They head to the bathroom.

"Why don't you wash yourself off before dinner as well." Mags tells me "Follow me and I will take you to your room."

I follow her. She stops in front of a room.

"This one will be yours. Mine is the one across the hall in case you want to talk." She smiles and heads back to the common area.

I head inside my room. There are two dressers, a giant bed, two bed side tables them that have lamps, and a giant window that gives a good view of the Capitol.

I sigh. I don't want to see that.

I flip a switch and curtains close over it.

_Just what I wanted._ I think to myself.

I head toward the other room which I'm assuming is the bathroom.

It is covered in marble tiles. It has a big shower that looks like it has facets coming from every wall. There is a futuristic like sink and toilet. This bathroom costs more than my shack at home.

I get in the shower. There are many buttons. I'm used to just turning on the tap but, this is ridiculous. I just punch some buttons and the water starts and comes from every wall, and it is steaming hot. I don't know how to turn it down so I just deal with. I notice there is no soap but after a few minutes it starts coming from the water. It smells like peaches.

I guess the phrase smell like a peach will be true for me. I don't even have to scrub off the makeup the water and soap are so powerful it does all the work for me. It could be the setting I put it on. It turns off by itself. All the blue has washed off my skin but my skin is slightly pink because the water was so hot. I should probably figure out how it works. Maybe there is an instruction manual. Maybe I will have to ask Julius.

I grab a towel and head to my room to grab some clothes. I don't care that I am dripping water everywhere. I put on some comfortable lounge clothes and head toward the common room. Marina and Elena aren't there yet but, Mags and Julius are at the table and the assistants are starting to put the food out.

The assistants are strange looking they are pale white, rather slender, and have fire red hair. Unlike the train attendants they haven't asked if I need something which I am grateful for.

"You must like hot showers." Julius says. Referring to my pink skin.

"I actually couldn't figure how to it worked." I tell him.

"One of the attendants can do it for you next time."

"Can't they just tell me." I say

Julius scoffs "No, they can't speak. Their tongues have been cut out."

"What?" I say shocked and a bit disgusted.

"They broke the law the punishment fits the crime."

"What?" I practically shout.

Mags looks at me and shakes her head. I guess she doesn't want me to yell at Julius. I know it isn't worth it but still whatever they did surely isn't worth that mutilation.

"Problem out here?" Marina says.

"No." Mags says before I can respond.

Elena and Marina sit across from us.

We dinner gets set in front of us. It isn't fish so I'm not really sure what it is. Most of the meals I eat are fish or pasta and they usually contain some type of vegetable. They serve meat but, it is out of our price range. Looks like I'll be able to eat some of it before I die.

"What is it?" I ask curious

"It's a pot roast. You've never had it?" Julius says surprised.

"I eat mostly fish." I tell him.

"The things with it are potatoes and carrots."

I roll my yes "I know what they are. Just not familiar with this type of meat."

"It comes from a cow. Do you even know what that is?" Julius asks

"I'm aware of what a cow is." I say angrily "I've just never eaten it."

"Well, you get the chance now."

I nod besides the pot roast, potatoes , and carrots, there are rolls, a fruit salad, medley of citrus soaked vegetables, and an assortment of drinks on the table. I stick with water. I've never liked alcohol and with all of this stuff going on I don't think that would be the best thing to drink.

We finish dinner and they start cleaning the table.

"So what happens tomorrow?" I ask.

"You get taken down to the training center around 9:00. Then you get to go to stations to learn or show off what you know." Marina says.

"Why would we want to show off what we know? I thought we were saving that for the gamemakers?" I say confused.

"It helps if you can make friends." Mags says. "You should spend time at the survival station."

"I don't think I will need that." I say aloud.

"What makes you say that." Marina sneers

There isn't much to do in District 4. I would get bored so I ended up reading. The science teacher likes me so I got to check out books, that she had in the classroom. I just had to return them. All of the ones I found interesting had to do with nature. Plants, animals, and, survival skills. That is my one and only strength in this thing. I doubt I need more time there. I should practice weapons.

"I have been looking at nature books since I was young." Is all I tell her. She doesn't need to know every detail.

"Still twenty minutes there won't hurt." Mags tells me.

I sigh. Those twenty minutes could go toward learning how to throw knives.

"Alright." I say.

"What about weapons." Elena whispers.

"You should try those too." Marina says hesitantly. If they see she is weak they won't take her seriously. Then again that could work to her advantage.

"Okay." She says.

"Don't worry. I'll be in there with you." I smile at her.

She looks alright but I can tell she is scared.

They start to bring out dessert it is creme brulee. It tastes good. It is pretty much pudding but they crystallized sugar on top. It also has fruit in with it. It tastes very good. I don't get many sweet treats.

"You should get some rest."Julius tells us after we have finished. I don't object. I think I would prefer to be alone.

I get to my room and flop down on the bed. I wish I could call home. I think they could at least give us that. My sister doesn't have a phone but, I'm sure if I called the butchers she would be able to talk with me.

I grab a pillow and press it on my face.

"I want to go home." I whisper into the pillow.

I knew I was going to die as soon as my name got called but, I think it is finally hitting home. I will never see the sea of District 4 again, I will never smell the sea air or feel the sand between my toes, I will never get married, and I will never see my sister again.

_I will never see my sister again. _

The thought radiates through my body. A few tears escape my eyes and absorb into the pillow. I thought I knew how I would act if I ever got called in here. I guess I was wrong. I didn't know I would react like this. I didn't know all of the pain and fear I would be feeling.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

I get awoken by a loud banging on my door.

"Rise and shine Dylan you need to get ready, you will be going to training in thirty minutes." I hear Julius shout. He is always bubbly and vivacious to the point where it is annoying.

_Great_ I think to myself.

I get out of bed and head to the main room.

"Good you're here!" Julius exclaims "You must like to sleep in."

I nod.

I don't sleep in at home. I don't get the chance. It is an hour and a half walk to school. On the weekends I go to the market to get food that is marked off because it isn't fresh anymore.

I sit at the table and eat the food that is closest to me. Elena and Marina come out in a few minutes. Elena is in her training outfit already. It is just a loose fitting t shirt and pants that move well with your body. They have 4's all over them. Probably so the gamemakers know which District we are from. They wouldn't take the the time to remember our faces. Then again I don't remember either.

I finish breakfast.

"Dylan you should get dressed." Mags tells me.

I nod and head back to my room. The outfit is comfortable and moves with my body. I guess it is making it easier for us.

"You have ten minutes, do you have any last minute suggestions for them?" Julius asks Marina and Mags.

"Go to the survival station." Mags says. She is looking at me when she says this. Probably because of the comment I made yesterday.

"I will." I tell her

"Study weaponry as well. Making traps should come easy for you being from District 4. Go to the knife throwing station. That is the best thing to learn in a short amount of time." Marina says in a kind tone she is looking at Elena. Elena looks like she will cry. I don't think she will be able to keep it together

"Alright time to leave." Julius says

Elena hugs Marina then we head to the elevator. Julius hits the ground floor button and takes us down a hall. At the end of the hall there is a huge area that looks like a gym.

"Make District 4 proud!" He says and walks off.

Elena looks nervous

"It will be fine Elena. We don't have to talk to the other tributes." I tell her reassuringly

"Marina told me to make friends." She mumbles

I sigh. I told Marina that alliances like this are stupid. You are just going to end up killing them. I don't want to be in an alliance like that. She knows I'm helping Elena. I guess she doesn't care what I want.

"Well even if we don't make friends we will have each other." I tell her kindly.

She seems to like this comment because she smiles.

We head into the training station.

The tributes from 1, 2, 7, 9, and 12 are all here. I look to the clock. Julius sent us down here ten minutes early. I'm just glad we aren't the only ones who are here.

The training center is divided into stations. I can see the survival one with plant identification and fire making. I see a station with a bunch of ropes. I'm assuming that is learning how to make traps. I see another with an assortment of knives with dummies in front of them. There are similar ones that have different weapons.

I notice the tributes from 1 and 2 are analyzing the tributes. Usually people from 4 are guaranteed to have an alliance with them. The way they are looking at Elena and myself. It makes me think that will not be happening this year.

The boy from 1 starts to walk over here. He has a strong build, ashy blonde hair, tanned skin, and he has green eyes. Green eyes that hold no soul.

"Rox." He says

"Dylan." I nod.

"You good at anything Dylan?"

I look at Elena she thinks I am but I know I'm not.

"That's your call." I tell him

He punches my arm and goes back to his 'friends'.

The rest of the tributes show up and a woman named Tisely instructs us to get in a circle so she can explain the rules.

"Tributes for the next two days you are given an opportunity to learn, watch, and impress the gamemakers." She motions to a loft where they are watching us.

"While in here you may not attack each other. You will have the chance to do that in the arena. While all of you make think it is wise to grab a knife or a sword the majority of you will die from dehydration, freezing, or poisoned. I think it would be worth your while to learn survival skills. The choice is ultimately yours. You may be regretting it later when you are unable to find food, shelter, or make a fire. You may now begin." She smiles and leaves the room.

Seems like most of the tributes ignored her suggestions, about the survival station, because they head for the weapon stations. I promised Mags I would go to the survival station so that is where Elena and I head first.

"Hello." The instructor says. He seems excited. I don't think he gets many people.

"Before we start I would like for you to take an evaluation test to see what you already know."

We both nod. Elena goes first. She stands to where he pointed.

A screen appears and keyboard appear in front of her.

It starts to count down and it begins. She has ten minutes for multiple categories.

She takes her time. I don't think she knows much.

It finishes and flashes her results 29 out of 150.

The instructor looks to see her results.

"Okay looks like you have some things to learn." He says nicely. "You're turn." He says to me.

I'm assuming he thinks I will do just as badly.

I step to the screen and hit the start button.

5, 4, 3, 2, 1. The screen flashes and lets me begin.

First is poisonous plants. I finish that in about a minute. **Complete** flashes on the screen and moves to the next level.

Next is eatable plants. Just because it is not poisonous doesn't mean it is safe to eat. **Complete**

Next is fire materials. Complete

Next is shelter materials. I haven't really studied this but it should be easy. **Complete**

The last one shows a fake 3D arena. It is a forest and realses gas in certain areas.

'**Find the safe zone**.' The screen reads.

I watch the pattern two times. The gas goes in a pattern that weaves in and out of the tress.

I'm running out of time and it starts to count down the time I have left.

10, 9, 8 , 7, 6, 5...

I draw a path I think is correct.

**Complete**. It finishes and flashes my score.

The instructor comes over and looks surprised.

"No one has ever gotten a perfect score before." He says

"A perfect score! Dylan." Elena says impressed

I smile "Told you I was good with this stuff. You stay here. I'm going to the camo section."

It's right next to her. She should be fine. The instructor seems nice.

"Hello." The female instructor says. She sounds excited as well. She must not get visitors either.

She shows me how to make designs that will blend into my surroundings. Trees, grass, mountains, rocks. Basics surroundings that will probably be seen in the arena. I try to recreate her designs but, I am not very good. I don't have the artistic ability.

A bell rings, signaling it's time for lunch.

I wash off the paint and grab Elena.

"So, hows it going?" I ask her.

"I'm not as good as you. How's the painting going?" She asks.

"Terrible. Have you tried making a fire?" I ask her.

"No." She looks down at the floor.

"You might want to especially if the arena is cold."

She nods. "I was thinking maybe we should try the weapons after lunch. I don't really know how to do anything like that." She says.

"Neither do I." I tell her. She doesn't seemed surprised.

They are serving us sandwiches, apples, and milk a very hardy lunch. Elena and I sit at a table. We don't say anything.

The tributes from 12 come and sit next with us.

"Hi." Elena says politely.

"Hello." The boy from 12 says. He is around her age. He has blonde hair and blue eyes. He looks surprisingly fed for a person of Distinct 12. Maybe they have class systems as well.

"So what do you guys think about this?" He motions around.

"I'm not found of the idea." I say

"I'm sure that's not true." The girl from Twelve says.

"Why is that."

"Please, you're from Four."

"So?" I tell her.

"You're him with them." She motions to the tributes from 1 and 2.

"Not really. Haven't had many words with them."

She looks at me curiously then the bell dings to signal lunch is over.

I head towards the knife throwing station and Elena follows.

"Hello" the trainer says to us. "Let's start with the different types of throwing knives. The size and length of the knives can help with how fast and far the knife can go. If you use it correctly you will want a direct hit. In my opinion these would be the best in your situation."

He hands me a throwing knife that is small and short. It is lighter than I thought it would be. It fits easily in my hand.

"This will cut through the air fast. It will not slow down and will make the hit lethal, if you hit your target. Like this." He picks up the same knife that is in my hand. He throws it at the dummy and makes a direct hit with the circle on the chest. He throws another one and it hits the eye socket.

"Now you try." He tells me.

I don't really know how to aim.

"Take the end and place it between your thumb and pointer finger. Focus on the circle. Don't throw at it, throw through it." He tells me.

I breathe in and let it out then I throw the knife. It hits inside the circle but it isn't a direct hit. It wouldn't cause death.

"Good, you would've done some damage but, it would've have killed anyone. Keep trying." He tells me. He goes over to Elena and gives her the same spiel.

I throw three more knives before I can get a fatal hit. This isn't making me feel good. I grab different knives and find that I am better using the longer ones. The instructor says they will not fly as far but, they will still get the job done.

I go back to the small ones and aim for the eye sockets. I throw two knives and get a fatal blows. I guess if I go for the face I have a better shot at killing someone.

The bell rings signaling that our day in the training center is over.

We leave the room and Julius is waiting for us. Does he really think we will get lost going from here to the elevator. I see other escorts here as well, maybe it is to make sure we don't try to leave.

"Well, how was it?" Julius beams.

"Fine." I say.

It went better than I expected. I'm alright with the knife throwing. I'll go to that station tomorrow but, I will try my hand at other weapons. I should at least become familiar with the other weapons depending on what I will get my hands on in the arena. If I can get anything.

"What about you Elena? How did you think it went?" He asks her.

"It was... interesting." She says very carefully.

We head back to our room. As soon as we get out of the elevator Elena runs over to Marina. They then head to their rooms.

I walk over to Mags.

"Did you go to the survival station?"

"Yes. I got a perfect score. I tried my hand at camo too but, that didn't really pan out for me."

She nods.

"Did you try any weapons?"

"Throwing knives and stars. I'm alright. I think If I am in close range I would be able to kill someone." This sentence sounds strange to me. I'm openly saying that I will kill someone. It seems wrong, it is inhumane.

"It's alright." Mags says. "You have to do it to survive... or rather keep her safe." She says.

"I know but, it sounds wrong."

She nods. "It will be alright."

I sigh.

"Dinner is ready everyone." Julius says excited.

I don't realize what I am eating. It all tastes like cardboard to me. I can't stop thinking about the fact that I will be killing people. I will watch the light fade from their eyes that were once full of life. I don't like it. I'm glad I'm not going to win because I don't think I could deal with the guilt. It is just against human nature to kill someone, it tears your soul apart.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

"Alright today is the last day of training. After that you will get evaluated by the gamemakers." Julius says.

I nod.

"What should we show them?" Elena asks Marina.

"Not, here." Marina tells her.

They head to their bedrooms. They must not want to talk about this in front of me. I don't think Marina understands the concept of help. I should be involved with everything that is going on. It would make saving her life a bit easier.

"What should I do?" I ask Mags.

"What do you think you can show them?" She asks me.

"I... don't know." I tell her

"Well, try and show them what you have learned at the weapon stations."

"That might not work." I tell her.

"Well try for a six at least. It is half of the possible points you can earn. I could probably still get you sponsors. You and Elena already have a few being from District 4."

"People throw away there money." I snap. "Just like that."

"Yes."

"Alright chop chop time to go!" Julius says.

"Good luck Dylan." Mags pats my shoulder.

Marina and Elena must of heard Julius, because they are now in the common room.

We head to the elevator. He walks us down the hall and to the training center.

"Good luck you two! Try and get good scores, remember it reflects off all of District 4." He then heads back to the elevator.

There is no spiel today we just go to the stations we want to. There is less time because we have to get evaluated. I spend the time practicing knot tying,swords, axes, and hand to hand combat. Out of the four I am the worst at hand to hand combat. Elena could probably beat me. I'm uncoordinated and not very strong. If someone gets me in a good hold I am as good as dead.

After training time is up all of us get escorted to a room.

"You will wait in this room until your name is called. When it is called you get to show the gamemakers your skills. Good luck." Tisely says and walks out of the room.

It goes in order of the Districts, it is agony waiting. I can't imagine what it is like for the tributes of District 12.

_Dylan Watt _A voice from the ceiling says.

"Good luck." Elena whispers to me.

I walk slowly back to the training center.

"Dylan Watt from District 4." Someone tells the head gamemaker. It must to hard for him to know our names. There are 4's all over my shirt he should be able to tell the District I am from.

"Mr. Watt you're fifteen minutes start now."

I nod. I don't know where to go. I go to the knot station table and make a hangman's knot and hang one of the dummies. The knot tying station was easier than I thought it would be. I didn't think I knew much about knot tying but, they would teach us similar knots in school. It made it really easy.

I head to the knife throwing station. I pick up one of the knives that I usually can make a fatal hit with.

I breathe in and then out and throw the knife. I miss.

I can hear some of the gamemakers scoff. Looks like I won't be getting their vote.

I try again but miss. I'm too nervous and now I feel humiliated. I don't know how long it has been. I can't just stand here for the rest of my time.

"Mr. Watt your evaluation time is up."

I sigh of relief, good. I won't have to stand there looking like a scared little kitten.

I smile at them and leave the room. I don't think I did alright. Mags did say I had a few sponsors already. I'm sure I can find eatable plants and make fire out of certain materials in the arena. The only problem would be water and medical supplies.

I head to the elevator and hit the 4 button. I lean against the elevator, I hope I pulled at least a six. After a minute it take me back to the floor. I head to the common room. I see all of them on the couch.

"Dylan! How did you think it went?" Julius asks.

"I... guess will just wait and see." I tell him and head to my room. I expect someone to follow me but they don't which I am grateful for.

I flop down on the bed and lie there for a minute. I can hear a commotion going on outside, I'm assuming Elena is back. I wonder how she did. I hope better than me.

I get up and head to the shower. Mostly to distract myself. I look at all the buttons. I don't want the water to be burning this time. I choose the heat temperature but, can't figure out the rest.

After a minute the soap bubbles start to spurt from the walls. It smells like grapefruit this time. This is probably the best I have smelled in my life. I won't be living much longer so I guess it is something.

After the shower I put on shorts and flop down on the bed. I want to fall off the face of the earth. I wonder if volunteers ever feel this way. I didn't volunteer but if they had any conscience they would feel bad.

I grab a pillow and hold it to my chest and stare up at the ceiling.

"Dylan." I hear someone say my name gently.

I bolt awake and look around. I'm terrified for some reason maybe, I was having a bad dream. If that is the case I don't remember what it was. I realize the person who was saying my name was Mags.

"I didn't mean to startle you. The scores are going to be shown in twenty minutes."

"Alright." I say.

"Are you alright?" She asks me.

"I didn't do a good job." I tell her.

"You don't know that."

"Yes, I do."

"Well, there is nothing that can be done now. We will just have to work with what you got."

"Okay." I sigh.

We leave my room and head to the common area. I sit on the couch in front of the television like Marina, Elena, and Julius are all doing.

"How do you think your thing went Dylan?" Elena asks me.

"I don't know, we are about to find out. What about you?"

"Alright, I think. What did you show them?"

"Um...

"Good evening everyone and welcome to one of the moments we have been waiting for. The showing of the tribute evaluation scores." Caesar Flickerman says from the tv screen. This year he has bright orange hair that is almost blinding, it looks terrible. I am grateful for his interruption though.

"Now let the evening begin." He says.

Both tributes from District 1 earn tens. The female from 2 earns a nine and the male earns a ten. Both tributes from three receive sevens.

"Now onto District 4." Caesar says. "Dylan Watt receives the score of..."

It seems like the world is at a stand still before he says my number.

"Five."

"Five?" Marina says angrily.

"Five." I tell her in a deadpan voice.

"Five." She says again.

"Shh they're about to say mine." Elena says.

"Elena Stark receives the score of... seven."

"A thirteen year old did better than you." Marina says. "Some help you are." she says and stomps out of the room.

"Marina wait." Mags says and chases her out of the room.

_Great_. I think

I watch the rest of the scores trying to ignore everything that is around me. By the time they finish I just feel worse because I got the lowest score. The tv fades to black and it is over.

"Dinner time." Julius exclaims.

I get up. I don't head to the dining area I head back to my bedroom.

"Dylan, it's dinner time." He tells me firmly.

"I'm not really hungry." I say and head to my room.

I close the door and slump against it.

This is pathetic. Twelve year olds did better than I did. I'm supposed to have to the advantage. I'm eighteen and I'm from a strong District and yet I get the lowest score out of the bunch. I wonder if this will be brought in my interview with Caesar.

The way Marina reacted... she probably doesn't want my help anymore. I told her I wasn't good at anything maybe she thought I was being modest. It doesn't matter I can't change anything. I shouldn't dwell on it either, I'm going to be dead soon. I shouldn't worry about my regrets or things I haven't done because it doesn't matter anymore. The place I am right now is just a holding cell for enviable death.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

"Rise and shine!" Julius opens my door but it rams into me. I ended up sleeping on the floor. Mostly because I didn't want to get up after the disaster that happened after the showing of the scores. My stomach gets in knots when I think about it.

"What are you doing on the floor?" Julius says confused.

"I didn't feel like sleeping on the bed." I tell him.

"I'm sure you're hungry. You didn't eat any dinner."

"I'm not really hungry." I mumble. I'm not that hungry. I'm used to being starving so it doesn't really matter. But I should be eating. I shouldn't go into the Hunger Games hungry. That would just give me another disadvantage.

"Well, Louise will be out here soon to make you up for your interview." He says.

I nod.

"You should come out into the main room, even if you don't want to eat something." He smiles and then leaves the room.

I sigh. For once I know Julius is right. I can't hide in here forever. Before I leave I take a shower. I'm so frustrated. I just punch random buttons.

The shower is ice cold and the soap smells like mint. I put on my clothes and head outside.

Mags walks over to me.

"Are you alright Dylan?" She asks.

"Does it matter?" I tell her.

She touches my shoulder.

"Your score doesn't matter."

"Yes it does. Marina probably doesn't want my help anymore."

"Well, it doesn't matter what she wants. She isn't going into the arena. I can tell Elena likes you. That is the only person you need to win over." She smiles at me.

"Okay." I tell her.

"Let's get you something to eat." She smiles.

I head to the kitchen table. Marina glares at me as soon as I sit down. I notice Louise and Elena's stylist are at the table.

"Hi Dylan." Elena smiles at me.

"Hi." I smile at her.

Marina shakes her head in disapproval. Looks like Mags is right. Elena likes me and that is all that matters. After all, she is the one I will be saving.

I eat the french toast, eggs, bacon, and grapefruit they give us.

"After breakfast you will be getting ready for your interviews. I will be helping both of you so, you can be presentable for the Capitol citizens."

We both nod. Elena, Marina, and her stylist head to her room. Louise directs myself to the common room.

"How are you doing Dylan?" He asks me.

"As well as expected." I say.

"That's what I figured. It seems like Elena likes you. That will make your... mission easier." He says.

"At least she does. Marina doesn't. "

"She won't be in the arena though." He smiles at me.

"That's what Mags said."

"Well, if more than one person says it, it must have some truth to it." He smiles.

"So what will I be wearing?" I ask him.

"Nothing fancy. Nice jacket and slacks." He pulls the outfit out of the bag.

It is resembles what Julius wore on reaping day. The jacket is a deep blue that has sparkles outlining it, the pants are black that has sparkles on it as well. Simple.

"It's nice." I tell him.

"I thought you would like more than the outfit for the opening ceremonies." He smiles.

"What do you think he will ask me?" I direct the question to the room. I'm sure one of them will know.

"Well, not about your scores." Julius says.

"I figured that." I say.

"Maybe game strategy. Caesar is good at spinning things. He likes helping the tributes." Mags says.

"Yes, right to their death." I say.

"He is better than you think." Louise says.

"Interesting." I say.

"Make sure to answer clearly and thoroughly. The citizens only get to know you for ten minutes. Collecting sponsors helps from this interview. Don't mess this up." Julius says. It sounds like he wants to say also.

I nod. Julius heads off to see Elena.

Julius messes with my hair to make sure I look picture perfect. I put on the outfit. Elena comes out she is wearing a sparkly blue dress. She has on sparkly blue eye shadow and lipstick.

"You look nice." She tells me.

"So do you." I tell her.

She laughs. I think I have eaten an ounce of glitter. See. "She flashes me her teeth which have glitter in them.

"Does it taste alright?" I joke.

"It is actually eatable."

"Really."

"Blueberry flavored."

I smile.

"Time to go, big smiles everyone." Julius says.

We all gather into the elevator and he hits the _GF _button for ground floor. Julius weaves us down the halls until we are backstage. There are tons of people hustling around everywhere. It is a live show.

"Alright tributes line up over there." Someone shouts.

"Let's go." Elena smiles at me.

The tributes from 1 and 2 are the same as they are every year. Cocky, arrogant and self entitled. Sometimes I think their arrogance is what kills them. The tributes from 3 talk about their scores and life in District 3.

"District 4, Elena Stark you're next, Dylan Watt you're on deck." Someone shouts.

"Good luck I tell her." She smiles at me and then walks out on stage.

When she walks out on stage everyone claps. Caesar asks her about District 4, her training scores, and what she thinks of the games this year. She answers sweetly. I don't think this is an act, I think that is how she really is.

"Dylan Watt you're next, District 5 you're on deck." Someone shouts.

"Now give it up for our next tribute Dylan Watt from District 4."

People clap, it isn't overwhelming but, I will take it.

I walk out toward Caesar and shake his hand, which he seems flattered by. I don't know if all the tributes do this and I don't care. I take a seat in the oversized chair.

"So Dylan what do you think of the Capitol?" He asks me.

"Well, I think the people here are very welcoming." It's not a lie. They are they welcoming people to their bloody death.

"Yes, we do want people to feel as if they have never left home."

"That's not true." I say.

"Really?" Caesar says confused.

"It is better because it is very luxurious." I smile.

"Well, I'm glad you think so. We know how to take care of people isn't that right folks." The crowd erupts into cheers when he says this. Nothing wrong with having Capitol pride I guess.

"So for your reaping you seemed to be very eager to get into the arena."

"Yes I was." Not for the reason you are thinking. I'm eager to go in there so I can die.

"Do you still feel that way the night eve before the games."

"Yes, I do because I have something cooked up." I smile.

"Really would you like to share with us Dylan?" He says clearly intrigued.

"No, I can't give away all my secrets but, I can give you a little something."

"Go on." He says

"It will be clear within the next 24 hours." I smile.

"Oh, I'm sure it will be."

The bell rings signaling it is over.

"Thank you Dylan. Everyone give it up for Dylan Watt from District 4!" He exclaims

I walk off stage and feel relieved. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Even if it was bad I'm just glad it's over. I watch the rest of the interviews. They are the same as they are every year, nothing unusual happens. We head to the elevators, the tributes and mentor from 12 get in with us.

The mentor is drunk out of his mind and he doesn't seem to care. No wonder the tributes from 12 always loose, their mentor doesn't seem to care.

"Hello, Haymitch." Mags says to the man. I'm assuming their friends.

"Mags." He slurs. "You know it's really interesting."

"What's that?" She asks unsure.

"I think this is the first time ever that the tribute from 4 has earned the lowest training score. These numbskulls did better than him." He motions towards me.

"Yes, it is. It is absolutely pathetic." Marina snarls.

I just love how they're talking about me like I'm not here.

The bell tolls and the doors open.

"See you tomorrow ladies." He says to Mags and Marina.

"You certainly will." Marina tells him.

We step off the elevator. We head to the dining area and eat our last dinner before the games. Probably my last dinner ever, I eat pretty much everything on the table.

"Tomorrow is the big day! You should make sure you get a goods night rest." Julius says.

After dinner I head to my room and sit on the bed. This is it. Starting tomorrow my days are numbered. The only thought in my mind isn't **if **I will die it is **when **and **how** I will die. All I'm hoping for is that it is quick and that I die trying to save Elena.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

I wake up and go to the shower. I stay in the shower for a long time, when I get out I still have twenty minutes before I have to leave. I put on clothes and head to the common room.

Louise, Elena's stylist, Mags, and Marina are all sitting out there.

"Where's Julius?" I ask. I don't care but he seems to live for this stuff.

"At his house, so he can be comfortable when he is watching." Mags says nonchalantly. I can't tell she doesn't like it.

"You've got fifteen minutes what are you doing out here?" Marina asks

"I wasn't going to go back to sleep." I tell her.

"Well, it doesn't matter. It gives us time to chat."

"Alright."

"You still going to save her?" Marina asks me.

"I thought you didn't want me to." I tell her.

"Like you said you're better than nothing even though you clearly can't do anything." Marina says.

"Well, a simple thank you would suffice." I tell her.

"I am grateful." Is all she says.

"Shouldn't I be eating something."

"You get food when you come to the launch station with me." Louise tells me.

"Alright. Can we just go now then?" I ask.

"Yes." He says surprised.

"There's no use. I'm just going to be waiting wherever we go."

He nods.

Mags comes over to me.

"Dylan, you are good with the elements. You should be able to hide from people, grab Elena and then run and hide for the rest of the games."

"Okay." I say.

"Don't be distracted by the supplies they put out for you it's a trap." Marina tells me.

"I got it." I tell her.

"Save her." She tells me and she walks away.

"You're a good person Dylan." Mags says

"Thanks."

"You deserved better."

"Don't we all." I tell her.

She smiles and hugs me which catches me off guard.

"Good luck."

"Thanks."

"Any last remarks?" She asks.

"I just hope I die quickly." I tell her.

She nods "I hope so too."

I head toward the elevator with Louise. He hits the _B _button which I'm assuming stands for basement. I see a line of hovercrafts, Louise leads me toward one. We get on the hovercraft and I take a seat. I don't feel like talking. A woman comes out with a blinking syringe.

"Arm." She says to me unamused.

I hold out my arm and she injects the blinking object into my body.

"What's that."

"Tracker, so they can tell where you are hiding." She smiles and then goes to a different room.

"Why are we taking a hovercraft?" I ask Louise.

"They don't keep the arena's in plain sight, then anyone could find them."

I nod. After a few minutes we are there. We step off of the hovercraft and there are guards everywhere. People have probably tried to run which is stupid. We get directed to a room that has a 4 above the door.

It is small. It has a table that contains breakfast food, an outfit bag is hanging on the wall, and the launch pad. The launch pad that will lift me to the arena.

"Do you want to eat or get dressed first?"

"Get dressed." I tell him.

He opens up the outfit bag.

It has cargo pants and a t-shirt.

"That's it?" I tell him surprised.

"It looks like it." I tell him

"I hope it's not cold." I say

"It won't be. They don't want all of you to freeze to death. I'm thinking somewhere humid. This material is designed to absorb liquid.

"Great."

I put on the outfit it fits comfortably.

"Do I get shoes?"

"Yes." He hands them to me.

"Combat boots?" I ask.

"Correct There must be some dirt."

I nod I eat what is at the table.

"Don't eat a lot. You will be running shortly after this." Louise tells me.

"Okay." I don't know what I'm eating I've lost the ability to focus.

I look to the clock there is ten minutes before anything happens. I sit next to the Louise on the bench.

"Are you alright?" He asks.

"I'd be lying if I said no. I'm going to die, I have accepted that but..." I trail off not knowing how to finish.

"It will be alright Dylan."

"I guess." I tell him.

We sit in silence until we hear

_20 seconds. Tributes to your tubes. _

I swallow hard.

"I guess this is goodbye." I tell Louise.

"I guess so." Louise says sadly.

He hugs me.

"Good luck." He tells me.

_Ten seconds. Tributes to your tubes. _

I walk slowly to my tube. I get in and it closes. I turn around and look at Louise. He smiles and then the tube starts to rise. When it has stopped rising I am in a tropical jungle.

Tributes, happy Hunger Games and as always may the odds be ever in your favor. The 62nd Hunger Games will begin in 60, 59, 58

I look around there are lots of tropical trees and most of the plants are poisons. I'm assuming there are strange beasts waiting for me as well. It seems pretty straight forward, but there is one thing I don't understand. Where is the cornucopia.

I am deep inside the jungle and there is no sign of the other tributes. They could be hiding us in the tree line. I look down and see a backpack and throwing knives. Looks like they want us to be alone.

30, 29, 28,

Looks like I won't be helping Elena. This will make things interesting.

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

The gong sounds and I step off my platform. I don't run but head to a tree. The branches are shallow and won't support a lot of weight but if I climb one I think I will be able to see the other tributes.

I climb a few yards. Tree climbing isn't my thing we don't have many in 4. I can still get a view from the arena though. I look around, all of the tributes are a half mile away from one another. The arena isn't very big for obvious reasons, if they want us to find each other it can't be too big.

All of us are on the same side of the arena too. I head back down to the jungle. It's very hot in here, I need to find water. I look in my pack and am surprised. They provided some water, not a lot just a small water bottle but it is better than nothing. If I space it out it could last a week. There is also dried food, some rope, and some anti bacterial medication. I'm startled, this is generous. Then again we couldn't get supplies at the start. I put on my pack and stash the throwing knifes in my pocket. I head in the opposite direction of the rest of the tributes. If I put enough distance between us, I will be able to hide for awhile.

I walk a few feet and smell something.

"Gas" I say confused. I follow the scent and it leads me to a plant

Must be something made from the gamemakers, I shouldn't stay by it for long. I hear a zapping noise next to it. I place a leaf on it and it bursts into flames. There is another one, I put I wave my hand over it and it spurts out fire.

"Gas, fire, electrocution?" I say aloud. This gives me an idea. I pull up the plants. They still contain the gas, fire, and electrocution elements to them. I grab a great deal of them. I spread them around the arena with the pattern gas, electric, fire. At the start and end it is gas. I make sure some of the powder from the fire starting kits got mixed in with the plants.

"That should be good enough. I hope this works." I say aloud.

I climb a tree. Most of the tributes are still on the left side. I angled the trap that way, so it shouldn't kill me. With my estimations this should go on for a few miles. I set up each trap a few miles apart from one another. I can feel the wind blowing in the right direction. I guess the gamemakers want this to work also.I grab a match from my pack and stand back a few feet, I don't want to get burned to death.

"Sorry Elena." I say. I lite the match and throw it right on the gas plant. It starts a rippling effects that goes down the line of plants. The flame goes up a few miles high and keeps getting bigger. It starts to explode. It is burning fast because the plants are so dry. Something I did not take into the equation. The fire gets big and it starts to spread.

"Get out of the way. Get out of the way." I say to myself and run as fast as I can.

I hear another explosion and a cannon goes off. Another explosion goes off, I can hear people screaming. I get a good distance away but I can still hear their screams. I start to smell the flesh melting off their skin. No cannons are going off. Maybe they are just getting hurt. The screaming is unbearable.

I get down on my hands and knees and put my hands over my ears, to try and block out the noise. It isn't working, I start screaming to try and block out the noise. The noise of the people I am torturing. I hear another explosion and another round of screaming begins. This goes on for about an hour until the screams die down. Then it starts to rain, it's probably the gamemakers putting out the rest of the fire.

I sit up and am shaking slightly, hearing people cry out in agony isn't good. It is worse because I caused it. Only one person died but I made the rest of them weak I could probably kill them now. I just hope the person I killed wasn't Elena.

I sit down and start to make shelter. I don't want to get rained on. I hear a cannon goes off. I made it easier for people to kill one another. It doesn't surprise me but, then another goes off and another and another. The fire must have killed a decent amount of people. They must have waited until it was over to announce the dead tributes. I start counting and don't like when the cannons stop.

"There's no way all of those are from me." I say but I think they are.

"4 left." I say. Must be some kind of record, that many tributes dead in the first day. Hell in the first 5 hours. The gamemakers probably won't intervene for a while. The tributes probably thought the fire was them.

I don't think I will have to kill the other people they are weak. Most of them are probably injured. They could die from that. I continue to make my shelter. I use my surroundings but, I make sure to avoid the poison plants.

The anthem starts playing to show the dead tributes. The only people who are alive are myself, the boy from 10, the girl from 3, the boy from 8, and to my surprise Elena.

_Looks like I can still save you._ I think to myself.

I sit there for a few days, nothing has happened. The other tributes probably are severely burned. I start to hear a buzzing noise. I turn around and see bugs, I recognize them they are deadly. A few stings and I could be dead. I get up and run away, the strangely vanish once I get to the heart of the jungle. After a minute another tribute comes into view.

Looks like this will be the final fight. I go over to the other tribute, they aren't even trying to run away from me. I stab him and the cannon blows. 3 more kills and then it is over. The girl from three comes into view she has bees all over her. She is going to die she has terrible burns on her body she is probably in pain. She says something, I think she wants me to kill her to put her out of her misery. I stab her and the cannon blows. Two more people, when the boy from ten gets here, I will kill him and then kill myself.

"Dylan!" I hear Elena cry. She is running over to me.

"Elena!" I shout back.

We shouldn't be yelling but, I don't see anyone. I start to run over to her but, before I can reach her the boy from 10 jumps out he is in camo. I wonder how long he has been here. He grabs Elena and brings her to her knees.

"You want to see something 4." He shouts at me

I am a few steps away from them. Elena is struggling, he cuts her cheek with his knife. The blood runs quickly down her face.

"No! Please don't kill me." Elena screams out.

"Yes, because you're begging is really going to change my mind." He says. He hits her and drags his knife across her face again.

"Ahhhhh." Elena screams out in pain and fear.

I grab my knife about to throw it. I'm not good at this so I might accidentally hit Elena.

"Don't miss." He say and gives me an evil smile.

Before I can throw it he grabs his knife and drags it deeply into her neck, she dies instantly. Before he can do anything, I throw my knife at him. I wasn't aiming it was just a reaction, but it hits his eye and he goes down. A few seconds pass and the cannon blows.

"Congratulations Dylan Watt you are the victor of the 62 Hunger Games."

My knees give out and it isn't because I won. It's because I can't believe what I just saw. I say a sweet thirteen year old girl murdered in front of me. The girl I was supposed to save. I also can't believe I tortured and killed people. Killed maybe all of them.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

I get pulled up from a hover craft that is taking me back to the hotel. There is a woman sitting with in the room with me staring at me. It's making me uncomfortable. In don't know if I'm supposed be talking with her.

A woman walks up towards me

"Arm." She says

"What?" I say confused

"It's to suck out your tracker."

"Oh." I hold my arm. Getting the tracker taken out hurts a lot more than getting it put in.

"Thank you. Congratulations victor Dylan Watt." She says and leaves the room.

We land and I get escorted to the hotel. They place me in a room that resembles a nurses office. In the room is Mags.

"Hi Dylan." She says.

"Mags?"

"It's over now. You're safe here." She tells me.

"I guess. It doesn't feel that way."

"How do you feel?"

"Guilty. I was supposed to…"

"I know and I know you would've of. There were things you didn't consider."

"I couldn't save her." I tell her.

"You tried." She tell me gently.

I feel dizzy all of a sudden. A nurse walks in which startles me.

"Hello and congratulations Mr. Watt."

"Hi." I say annoyed.

"How are you feeling?" She asks me

"Thirsty and a bit dizzy." I tell her.

"Okay, you might be getting dehydrated, make sure to drink plenty of water when you leave this room."

I nod. I don't really care.

"Now, I'm going to ask you some questions. Try and answer them the best you can. Alright?"

"Alright"

"Good. Do you know where you are?"

"In the Capitol. The place you come before you enter the arena." I say. They don't exactly tell us where in the Capitol we are.

"Good. Do you know where you're from?"

"District 4."

"Good." She pulls out a file.

"What are your parents and your sister's names." She says

"Emily is my sister. My parents are dead so it doesn't really matter if I remember their names or not." I say. I don't want to say them out loud I don't like talking about them.

"I see. Well can you give me your mentors name then?"

"Mags." I tell her

"And the other one."

"Marina." I mumble.

How am I going to face her. I already feel guilty. I have a two day train ride back to District 4. I'm sure that is going to be awkward.

"Correct. Do you understand that you are the victor from the 62nd Hunger Games."

"Yes." I mumble

"So this means you know the games are over now, and that you are no longer in the arena and that no one is trying to kill you."

I'm assuming this has happened before. After being in a place where you think everyone is going to kill you, you would probably think people still are trying to kill you.

"Obviously." I say unamused.

"Alright, it seems like you are fine. You are free to go. Congratulations again." She gets up and leaves the room.

Mags comes over to me and rubs my back.

"Let's go upstairs." She tells me.

"Wait." I say.

She looks at me confused. I want to know before the recaps.

"The fire I started how many people died because if it."

"It doesn't matter Dylan." She tells me.

"Yes it does, they are the reason they are dead."

She doesn't say anything.

"If you don't tell me I will find out at the recaps." I tell her.

"All of them." She practically whispers.

"What?" I say.

"The fire killed all of them except the ones in the final fight."

"But that means, that means..." I feel dizzy again almsot as if I might faint.

"It's alright Dylan. You didn't want to do it." She tells me.

"It doesn't matter." I say angirly."That is why they are dead. I still killed them... all of them. I killed 22 people." I tell her.

"It will be okay. Let's get you to the room."

I don't want to leave but I don't want to stay here either.

"Marina is there, I don't want to."

"It will be alright. You probably won't see her until tomorrow."

I nod.

I get off the seat and follow Mags. We get to the room and I sit on the couch. Mags heads to the kitchen and gets me some water.

"When is the interview?" I ask.

"Tomorrow." She tells me.

"So I get to stay here until then."

"Yes."

"After we get to go home?" I ask

"Yes." She tells me.

"What's he going to ask?"

"The post game interviews are shorter than the pregame ones because they want the recaps to be the main event."

"So he'll just ask what it was like in there?" I say

"Usually that is the case."

"Usually?" I say confused.

"Dylan, you've done something no victor has before."

"You mean like a record?"

She nods "The most people and the shortest games ever."

"So he's going to ask about that?"

"Yes."

I sigh. "I think I'm going to lie down for a while."

She nods.

"If you want to talk you can find me." She tells me with compassion.

"I might take you up on that." I smile at her and head to my room. I slowly walk to my bed.

I killed all of them. Those screams that was them being tortured and burned to death. I killed them, I killed them. I killed them. I think to myself.

The only thing I'm thinking is that I killed people. I throw my pillow on at the floor in frustration. I can't sit anymore my mind is racing and I can't slow it down. I put my hands over my face but it doesn't help. I leave my room and heads back to the common room. Mags looks at me confused. I just start pacing around the room. Mags doesn't say anything she is just watching me. My body is trying to keep up with the pace of my thoughts, eventually I sit down. My thoughts are still racing and I hear a voice in my head saying you killed all of them. You killed 22 people.

"Dylan." Mags says.

"Yes."

"Are you alright?"

"No." I say.

"What's wrong?" She say gently and sits next to me.

"I can't stop thinking about it. I killed all of them."

"You did it to survive."

"I know but, I can't stop thinking about it. I can't stop hearing their screams and I was supposed to save her. I shouldn't be here."

Mags looks at me sadly. "You did the best you could."

"It wasn't enough." I say and I start crying.

She hugs me.

"It's alright Dylan. You're a good person and that is why you feel this way. It will get better over time." I tell her.

"Why, I will always be responsible for the death of 22 people."

"Make it 23." I hear Marina say.

"I didn't kill her." I tell her.

"You didn't save her. You were supposed to." Marina says.

"I couldn't... I tried."

"Not hard enough!" Marina shouts.

"Marina please it wasn't his fault." Mags tells her.

"Yes, it was." She says and storms out of the room.

"I should talk to her." Mags says. "Will you be alright?" she asks.

"I guess." I say.

She follows after Marina. I grab a pillow and place it over my face and lie down on the couch. After ten minutes someone comes in.

"There you are. There is my newest victor." Julius says.

I take the pillow off my head.

"Go away." I tell him.

"But, Dylan."

"Go away." I say again.

"But Dylan I just want to...

"Fine, I'll go away." I say and get up to head to my room.

I can hear him saying something but, I don't' care. I get to my room and close the door and lock it behind me. I slump on the floor.

I killed 22 people. I think again. I keep thinking this until I fall asleep on the ground.

I hear a soft knock at my door. It must not be Julius. I get up slowly and unlock the door. It's Louise.

"Hi Dylan." He tells me.

"What are you doing here?" I say confused.

"It's almost time for your interview. I have to get you ready." He tells me.

"Oh." My hands start to sweat.

"Don't worry it will be alright." He says.

"I don't think so."

"He will only ask a few questions then the recaps will play. Try and ignore them." He smiles at me.

"Yippie, I get to watch how I killed all of them." I say sadly.

"You did it to survive." He tells me.

"I was supposed to save her."

"You did the best you could. You would've followed through, that is all that matters." He hands me an outfit bag. "I tried to keep it causal."

I open the bag, it is a pair of jeans and t-shirt. They have flames on them. It doesn't look cheesy it looks nice.

"Fire, nice." I say.

"To have it this causal it had to be related to the arena somehow. Everyone knows about the fire." He smiles sadly.

"Yes, I'm sure they do."

I put on the clothes and then head to the main room.

"Perfect!" Julius shouts let's go to the recaps.

"Yes, perfect. Is the fire to represent all of the people you burned alive." Marina sneers.

"I..."

"Leave him alone Marina." Louise says.

She smirks and we head to the elevator.

"Alright, now we have two minutes before your interview. Remember to smile and have fun with it, and do not look bored when they show your recaps." Julius smiles and walks off.

Mags comes over to me. "Try and ignore the recaps and just give short answers to Caesar. It will be alright, he will take over." She smiles and squeezes my hand. "It will be okay."

"Victor Dylan Watt thirty seconds. Please come here." Someone yells

She squeezes my hand one more time and smiles at me. I walk to where the person called out.

"Now may I present you our newest victor Dylan Watt from District 4." I hear screams erupt from the audience.

Here we go. I think to myself.

I walk out onto the stage and sit down. I don't bother shaking his hand this time, I'm not trying to impress anyone.

"Hello, hello Dylan." He says.

"Hi Caesar." I say in a deadpan voice.

"Well, how does it feel to be our newest victor."

"The feeling is indescribable." I say but not in the way he is thinking.

"I'm sure it is. Now I'm sure all of us are surprised that you won aren't we folks." I hear them scream "After all you did score the lowest was it all some sort of ruse."

"No, I'm not that smart. You just all doubted me." I say.

"That we did. Now, apart from being the newest victor you now hold the title of the most kills how does that feel?"

"I... couldn't tell you. I just hope my record never gets broken." I tell him. I don't want anyone to kill 23 people that would be disturbing. They would feel the same guilt I do.

"Someone wants all the glory to themselves." He smiles "This is also the shortest Hunger Games in history. Only six days it happened as quick as your fire trap." He smiles.

"That was the plan." I say.

"Well, I'm sure it was now let's watch it all over again. Let's see how you became the victor of the 62nd Hunger Games."

The lights dim and they start showing it on the highlights. It starts by showing all of the tributes and how confused they look. All of the careers look lost and confused. Looks like they prefer to travel in groups. They then show me setting up the fire traps and lighting it on fire, then they show the tributes being burned to death and screaming.

I scrunch my face at the sound. I want to place my hands over my ears to block it out but, I don't. I grip the fabric on the chair causing my knuckles to turn white. They show an upclose shot of the girl from 9 panicing when they get caught in the flames. She then gets burned to a crisp and her flesh practically melting off her bones. The screams have stopped on the scream but I can still hear them in my head. I want them to go away. I want to get up and run away from all these people. Then I see myself kill the other tributes and then the final conversation with the boy from ten, myself, and Elena. I see her blood splurt violently out of her neck. That should've been me. Then the boy from 10 goes down and I 'win'.

"Wasn't that marvelous everyone. Let's give it up one more time for the victor of the 62nd Hunger Games, Dylan Watt!" The crowd cheers again. I smile and walk off the stage. I don't stop for Mags, Marina, Julius, and Louise. I just walk to the elevator I want to be alone. I never want to be here again. I don't want to be around anyone ever again.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

I get off the train station and see Emily in the crowd. I smile at her. The train ride seemed like it would never end. Marina couldn't be in the same room as me, without yelling at me or making cyclical comments. I stayed in my room most of the time crying and hearing strange noises. Every time I sleep I see them getting burned alive. After they done talking about how 'honored' they are. After this I get to go back to... my life. It will never be the same. As soon as I step off the stage. Emily runs towards me and hugs me. She does it with so much force that I fall to the ground. I can tell she is crying.

"You're back." She says.

"I'm back." I tell her.

After a minute of her squeezing me, we get up off the ground. She wipes the tears away from her face.

"What happens now?" She asks.

"I don't really know." I tell her.

"I guess we get back to life as we know it." She says.

"It will never be the same." I tell her. With a tears forming in my eyes.

"It doesn't matter. Let's just go home." She tells me.

We get back and although it is very different from the Capitol I prefer it. I prefer this beat up run down place, where people are starving, than those strange people from the Capitol, who love watching people die. We get to the shack, the majority of our pots our on the floor because of the leaky roof. We usually put a tarp on the roof but, Emily can't do it by herself. It is the rainy season. This whole place is as big as my bedroom was in the Capitol but, I don't care. I would rather be here than anywhere else.

"I missed this place." I tell her.

"I'm glad." She says.

"Has it been raining hard?" I ask

"Just started yesterday." She says.

"Tyler could've helped with this."

"He offered."

"You said no?" I say confused.

"I told him my brother would be back soon because I knew he would love to do it." She smiles

"Hardy har har." I say.

It is silent.

"Are you okay?" She asks.

"I don't want to talk about it."

She nods. "Okay." She pauses. "It might be better if you do."

"Please don't make me." I say.

"I'm not making you do anything." She tells me. "I don't know what it's like so, I don't really have a say."

"Let's just never speak of it again."

"But..."

"Yes?"

"The Victory Tour and mentoring you'll have to..."

"I'm just going to worry about that later."

"When do you get to move into Victors Village?"

"Sometime soon. It doesn't matter I'm not going to live there."

"Isn't it a requirement?"

"I don't care."

"I don't want you to get in trouble."

"Don't worry I won't." I smile at her.

"Was the food good there at least?"

"Yes… when I could taste it."

"Too bland?"

"Too nervous."

She nods.

"Well I don't know how this will compare to Capitol food but I did plan on making you something." She smiles.

She shows me what she has planned on making. It's fish, it looks fresh as well we usually can't afford the catch of the day.

"Buying expensive things because I now have a victors salary." I tease

"No." She says annoyed

"Then how did you pay for it."

"I got it for cheap. Charles was very generous when you were gone. I think he felt bad for me."

"That's nice." I say.

"Charles cares about me." She tells me.

"This must have been caught today."

"It was, by the infamous Conor Odair."

Conor Odair is the best fisherman Distort 4 has to offer. He always meets his quota in a day. He sells the rest. It is always high quality. He and the Butcher have a deal so he comes in there a lot. I don't particularly like him, he is always complaining about his life. I don't like it because he doesn't know how good he has it.

"Oh." I say

"What? Are you not going to eat it because he caught it."

"No, I will I just don't like that man."

"You don't know him, you've just seen him come in a few times."

"Yes, but when I have seen him he is comparing about his family. He seems to do it about his wife the most. Or does he only do that when I'm around."

"Sometimes he brags about the accomplishment of his kids."

"Aren't they like seven or something?"

"No, 11 and 12."

"Which one is eligible for the Hunger Games?"

"I think his daughter."

"Well, they both will be next year, I hope they never get called in there." I shiver.

She smiles. "I hope that too."

"Well come on sister cook me diner." I kid

"Oh don't worry I'll cook you something ." She smiles

She cooks me dinner and then we sit and talk for awhile. Then I go to bed.

I feel a hard shaking on my shoulder. I bolt up I'm sweating and I see Emily next to me she looks worried.

"Why did you wake me up?" I say groggily.

"Because you were screaming." she says

"Oh."

"You couldn't tell?"

"No, sorry."

I wonder if this happened on the train.

"It's fine." She smiles "You're alright now. It was just a nightmare." She tells me..

_She's lying_. I hear a voice whisper

"Did you hear that?" I asked confused.

"Hear what?" She says

"Someone… whispering."

"No one said anything Dylan. It is probably because you are tired." She smiles.

"Okay." She says unsure. "Do you want to talk about it?" She asks.

"Maybe tomorrow." I say.

_Run away_. I hear the voice again.

"Did you hear that?" I say worried.

"No, I didn't hear anything. Just go back to sleep, it will be better tomorrow." She smiles at me but, she sounds worried

"Okay." I say unsure.

The voice sounded so real it though.

_It was just your imagination_. I think to myself.

At least I hope it was. I don't want to think of the alternative... that I'm starting to hear voices. That I'm starting to go crazy.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

It's been two weeks since I have been home. I thought I was alright at first but, I started hearing voice they tell me that someone is trying to kill me and sometimes I believe them.

I keep screaming at night. I can't tell until someone wakes me up. I don't know what I'm dreaming about but, when I get woken up I am always sweaty and terrified. I don't like it, I yell and scream at things but nothing is there.

I think Emily doesn't know what to do but, she can always calm me down. I feel sorry for her, she has to take care of me. I don't like going into town people just stare. 'There goes Dylan Watt the newest victor who killed 22 people.'

I did finish going to school, no matter how much my sister protested. I only had one week left, I wanted to finish and feel an accomplishment and I did. That made me feel happy for a brief period but, when I was in the school room it felt so small like the walls would collapse. I get that feeling whenever I go somewhere new.

The rainy season has started and it isn't being kind to our house.

"I think we need more pots." Emily says to me.

"I guess." I tell her. "The roof has had holes in it forever."

"Well, it might just cave soon." She tells me and empties a bucket into the sink.

"You know we could just...

"No." I tell her firmly. I know what she is going to say. She wants us to move to a house in Victors Village. I got the okay to move into one of the house. I picked the one near the front so I could leave easily if I wanted to. I haven't been inside it once, I haven't even been to the village either. I don't want to leave I just want to stay here in the shack, for the rest of my life.

"Well, then we could at least make some repairs, get a new roof. It's like we need an umbrella in here Dylan."

I sigh.

"I don't want to leave here. I don't want to go there."

"Okay, but since you have money we should fix the house. I was thinking we could fix other houses too, maybe give people food." She tells me.

"That's a good idea but, I don't think our place is that bad." I tell her.

The rain gets harder and one of the roof tiles falls into the kitchen.

"You were saying?" She says laughing slightly.

"I'll get the tarp." I tell her.

I go to the corner in the main/bedroom and grab the trap that sits on the floor.

"Be careful." Emily tells me.

I nod.

I grab a rock sitting on the ground to hold the tarp up on the roof. I step on the window pane. The wood is damaged, maybe we do need to fix this house.

I can see Emily sitting at the kitchen table from the new hole in the house.

"Hey!" I tell her

She looks up.

"Be careful."

I throw the tarps over the roof and put the rocks on to hold it on place. Then I carefully head down.

"I was afraid you were going to fall through the roof." Emily teases

I sigh.

"I'll get Duke to come by and look at it." Duke is the person people go to when they need something fixed. He doesn't charge people because he doesn't need the money. He doesn't turn it away when people give it to them. If he knows they can't live without it he takes there money and buys food for them. He is a nice person he could probably live in the middle level but he stays here for some reason.

She sighs. "You should ask him if he can build new houses."

"I don't want to leave this place." I tell her again.

"I meant for the shelters you could provide for people. People are half dead here Dylan. With your winnings you could help so much."

"I've never really thought of that." I mumble

"Well, I'm smart. We should get all this water off the floor." She says.

I nod we get out the three towels we have and mop up the floor the best we can.

"I'm going to shower."

"The water temperature is messed up again. You could be making yourself colder."

"Or insanely warmer." She smiles.

"We should test it in the fosset first." I tell her.

"Looks like I'm not the only smart one." She says and shoves my shoulder.

"It feels fine." I flick the water onto her.

"Good." She tells me and heads to the bathroom.

The rain gets harder and I can feel the wind through the cracks of our house, maybe we should leave.

_You can't leave. They will kill you when you do. _I hear a voice say.

"Who said that?" I ask aloud. I wait for an answer but nothing comes. This keeps happening, who is talking to me and what do they want. I sit in the corner trying to make sense of everything. I hear a noise in the kitchen I'm assuming it is the weather, but when I walk over there I see someone.

She turns around. I don't know who she is but she looks vaguely familiar.

"Do you need help?" I ask her. The girl looks around fourteen she looks hungry, she has sandy blond hair, brown eyes, and is very pale.

"Not from you." She smirks.

"Why? You shouldn't turn down help if you're in trouble."

"I don't want your help."

"Why?"

"Because of what you did to me."

"What did I do to you? Do I know you?" I say and look at the ground frustrated. She looks so familiar.

"You really don't remember!" She shouts at me with rage.

"Remember what?" I say and look at the ground

"This" She says

When I look up at her she is severely burned. They weren't there before. The burns she has are fatal, she should be dead she should be...

I back away slowly when I figure out why I remember her. She is the female tribute from District 7.

"No, you're not real! You're dead!" I shout.

"Yes I am because you killed me." She says and pulls some of the flesh off her skin and throws it in front of me.

"You did this to all of us." She says. "It hurts! It hurts so much!" She screams in pain.

"No! No! Leave me alone!" I shout.

I back away from her slowly and hit the wall and slump to the floor.

"I can't do that. I will never leave you alone and neither will the other 21. You will see us for the rest of your life." She disappears but I start to hear all of them screaming. As if I am back in the arena.

"No! No!" I shout and put my hands over my ears.

I feel someone shake my shoulder I jump but don't look up. I stay here with my hands over my ears until the screams stop.

"Dylan, Dylan? Can you hear me? Dylan" Emily says.

"What?" I say and look up frightened. I have tears on my face and am feeling lots of different things.

"What's wrong?" Emily asks me worriedly

"Nothing."

"That is not true. You were screaming, telling people to leave you alone... but no one was here." She says.

"I... thought."

"Are you still hearing things?" She asks.

"I..."

"Dylan I know you don't want to talk about it but, this is serious. Maybe if you won't talk to me you could find someone else."

"It's no big deal." I say.

"Dylan I...

"Just leave it alone!" I shout at her.

She sighs.

"I'm trying to help you." She tells me with compassion.

"Well, stop trying! I don't want your help! You can't fix this! You try to fix everything even when no one asks! Just leave me alone!" I yell at her.

Emily looks angry when I say this.

"Fine!" She shouts. "Next time you're screaming I'll ignore you until you come to me."

She heads to the kitchen to be alone. I can still see her, there aren't many places to be alone in this house. She could lock herself in the bathroom but that would be silly. She puts her head down on the table, I think she is crying. I should go over there but, I'm afraid if I get up I will just fall down, my legs feel like jelly.

I lean against the wall and hug my knees to my chest and place my head down on them. I start crying I don't know why but, I do. It's just too much to deal with. My emotions are like a yo-yo going up and down, up and down. I can feel Emily sit next to me. She wraps her arm around me and pulls me so I'm leaning on her shoulder, she rubs my arm.

"It's okay." She whispers to me.

"No, it's not." I say between sobs.

"Look at me." She says.

I don't.

"Dylan." She says and strokes my hair.

I look up at her I can tell she was crying while she was in the kitchen.

"What?"

"You're fine."

"No I'm not. I see things. I hear voices they tell me someone is going to kill me." I say.

"No one is going to kill you." She says.

"You don't know that."

"I think you're safe for the foreseeable future, everything will be fine." She smiles.

"How will it be fine? I hear voices, see the people I killed."

"Is that what you see?" She asks.

"I don't usually see people."

She nods.

"It will be fine. I know it will."

"You can't know that." I tell her.

"Yes, I can."

"No, you can't. Unless you have some crystal ball."

"No, crystal ball but, I just know."

"No, I'm broken." I whisper.

"You're not broken you just have a few cracks. You will be alright."

"Okay." I say but, I start crying again.

"Shhh, you're okay Dylan."

I shake my head. I'm crying so hard she wouldn't be able to understand me even if I wanted to tell her something.

"Shhhh. You're okay, you'll be okay."She says and strokes my hair. We sit here for a few minutes.

"Come here." She pulls me up. I grab her hand tightly as she walks me to the couch.

"Lie down. You will feel better." She says.

I lie down and she puts a blanket over me. She rubs my shoulder.

"You're okay. Try and go to sleep."

"I.. can't" I say.

"Shh." She gets up and lights a fire and heads to the kitchen. I hear her fiddling with stuff. I hear the tea kettle whistling, she is probably making me a hot drink to calm me down. Our mother did this all the time. I wish she was here, I miss her.

Emily comes backand hands me a cup. It has a chip in it but, it is better than nothing.

"Drink this." She tells me.

I do as I am instructed. It makes me feel warm and keeps me distracted for a minute.

Emily is holding my hand and staring at the fire. I'm surprised the fire isn't making me uncomfortable but, it is alright. It gives a safe feeling.

I feel slightly better. I still feel like crying but, I think my eyes have run dry. Emily doesn't say anything she just watches me. She takes the empty cup from my hand and places it on the floor.

"Go to sleep." She tells me again and kisses my forehead.

I don't. I stare at the fire for what seems like an eternity before my eyes close.

I wake up and Emily is asleep her head is resting against my knees. She must have watched me the whole night. My eyes feel sore because I was crying so hard. I can see the coals are still smoldering in the fire place. It feels nice and warm in the house. It is still raining. I stare at the ceiling until I feel Emily sit up. She crawls over to me.

"Did you sleep okay." She asks and strokes my forehead.

"Yes, you didn't have to watch me."

"I wanted to make sure you were alright. You kept turning back and forth and your breathing was fast as if you were running. I didn't wake you up because I thought that would be worse. Are you okay?"

"I'm not." I mumble.

"You will be. It will get better with time."

"I don't want to talk about this now." I tell her.

She nods. "Okay, later then."

"Later." I say. I want later to mean never but, I know she will get me to talk eventually.

"I think you should see the other victors, I think they might be able to help." She tells me.

"Can we not"

"Later." She smiles. "You're alright."

"I hope so."

"I'm going to make some breakfast." She tells me and walks to the the kitchen.

"I'm sorry." I blurt out.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." She says and walks back over to me.

"Yes I do. I yelled at you."

She kneels in front of me.

"Dylan, I'm going to be honest I don't know how to deal with this. I don't think you do either. We should forget about the little stuff and take this one day at a time." She smiles.

"Okay."

"We'll talk about it later." She pats my shoulder and heads back to the kitchen.

"Do you want help with breakfast?" I ask her.

"No, I can manage just sit there and relax. I don't think we will be able to leave the house because it is raining so hard. We can just stay in here and relax and have that talk, okay."

"Alright." I say and run the blanket through my fingers.

While she is making breakfast I get the fire going again. I sit down and watch the fire and listen to it crackle. Emily comes over with breakfast she gives me eggs, oranges, and toast. Something that is a luxury to both of us. We usually couldn't afford this stuff but with my victor winnings we can buy pretty much anything I want and not make a dent in it.

She hands me a cup of tea as well.

"Thanks." I tell her.

"You're welcome."

We lean against the couch and look at the fire.

"You think we could invest to put a table in here?" She asks.

"We don't have the room. If we would invest in anything I think it would be another mattress."

"We don't have room for that either unless we got rid of the couch."

"We can't do that then company will have no where to sit." I tease.

"We have the kitchen chairs."

"Is this a real conversation?" I ask.

She smiles "Not really."

The rain starts to get harder.

"Do you think we're alright?" She asks me and looks up.

"I put three tarps up there we should be alright. Worst comes to worse we get the pots and pans out again."

She smiles. She looks cold.

"Here." I wrap the blanket around her we only have three and one of them is small.

"Thanks." She says.

I go over to beat up old mattress and take the blanket from it. I wrap it around both of us and we sit next to the fire and stare at it for hours.

"So about that talk." Emily says.

"I guess but if it gets too much can we just stop."

"Okay let's try at first. So do you have anything you want to tell me?" She asks.

I don't know how to start. I should just say the first thing that comes to mind.

"I hear things."

"What do you hear?"

"Voices they tell me things... and I believe them."

"What do they tell you?"

"Different things you're lying, I'm going to die, someone is trying to kill you. I think someone is trying to kill me." I say

"No one is trying to kill you Dylan." She smiles at me.

"Are you sure because these voices."

"Stop, they're not real."

"They sound real."I say.

"They aren't, do you believe me?" She asks.

"Yes and no. I understand what you are saying but I don't know if what you are telling me is true or... if what the voices are saying is true."

"Dylan." She says sadly.

"What?"

"I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything, listening is enough." I tell her.

"So, I was thinking you could talk to the victors."

"I only know Mags."

"What about Marina? She went with you."

"Marina doesn't like me."

"Why?"

"The female tribute, Elena, was her niece. I said I would kill myself to save her but, that didn't happen." I say

"You tried." She says with her chin trembling. She probably doesn't like the thought of me killing myself.

"Well, that answer is not good enough for her. She doesn't like it, she can't be in a room without yelling at me."

"Well, you have Mags. Isn't there another victor?"

"James, I haven't talked to him. He looks intimating."

"Looks aren't everything. He could be nice."

"I don't really want to talk with new people."

"Okay will you consider talking with Mags?"

"Talking with her is easy."

"Is that a yes?"

"I'll try it."

"Good."

"Do you want to tell me anything else?"

"When I was in the arena...

"Yes."

"I could hear them screaming... of them being burned alive."

"All of Panem could hear them and see them."

"So you saw me then?"

"No, they didn't show you which I thought was strange."

"Probably because I was on the ground trying to block out the noise, screaming, and crying with them."

"They don't want to see you as weak." She says.

"I hear those screams every day." I whisper.

"They aren't real." She tells me.

"Yes they are... they are the screams of the peopled I..." I can feel my eyes fill up with tears.

Emily pats my shoulder.

"Do you want to stop talking about this?"

I shake my head. "No, if I stop now I don't think I will want to again."

She nod. "Okay. Do you want to take a few minutes."

"I just.." I put my hands on my face and start to cry softly.

"Dylan, you're okay."

"I don't know why I'm crying." I say.

"It's okay. Just let it out, I don't care."

"I can't cry for the rest of my life."

"You won't." She smiles at me.

She rubs my back and I breathe in and out rhythmically and calm myself down.

"You aren't supposed to kill people." I say.

"I know but, you had to..

"To stay alive." I finish

"Correct." She smiles at me.

"That's what everyone tells me but, why do I feel like it's a lie."

"I don't know."

"When you ...kill someone.. it feel like a part of you is being ripped from you. It feels like you are loosing a part of you, I think that might be your humanity."

"Dylan... I."

"It's okay." I know she doesn't know what to say. She has never killed anyone, I just want to tell someone this, maybe it will help her understand as well.

"You still have your humanity, that's why you feel bad and why you still have emotions. If you didn't this would be a very different conversation." She says.

"I wish I didn't feel anything."

"Dylan..."

"Why not? It would be better than crying all the time and hearing voices. Screaming all night long and I don't even know why." I put my hands over my face trying to keep the tears in. "Everyone looks at me strangely and it isn't because I'm from the lower level it's because I killed people." I say and start crying again.

"Dylan, you're okay." She says but doesn't sound sure.

I swallow hard and breathe in and out trying to calm myself down but, it doesn't help.

"Shh." Emily says and rubs my back. "You're alright, you're alright. It's okay." She says

I stop crying and just hug her tightly.

"You're okay." She says and rubs my back and strokes my hair. "You're okay." She says, I can tell she wants to cry. She feels sorry for me and she is scared because she doesn't know what to do. She blinks hard a few times and I can feel some tears fall out of her eyes. I pretend not to notice, I rub her back as well. I sit here but, I want to talk about something else.

"I don't know how it will be on my Victory Tour. I... all of them. Everyone will hate me."

Emily lets go of me and looks at me.

"It doesn't matter. You're not that person. You're my brother and I know you're a good person."

"I don't think they will see it that way."

"You're going through something traumatic and it is taking a while for you to heal. You will be okay."

"Going there will make it worse. Doing anything new makes it worse. I can't even be around new people." I say.

"You will be able to again one day, just give it time."

I hug her again. I don't want to argue with her, I don't know if she is right or if I am but, I hope one day I will be alright again. I don't' want to be emotionally damaged for the rest of my life.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

I wake up on the cold ground, I feel hungover but I didn't drink anything. I look around and notice I'm outside and lying on the sand.

"Where am I?" I ask aloud. Maybe I'm hallucinating, I take the sand and have the grains run through my fingers. I keep my eyes shut because I don't care, it doesn't matter where I am.

"Hey do you need help." I hear a voice off in the distance it sounds like a kid. I don't know how they could help me.

"Finnick." A girl who sounds young yells off in the distant. I can tell she is laughing.

"He looks like he needs help Fiona." He says and gets in front of me. He shakes my shoulder

"Are you dead."

_I smile oh innocence how I missed you._ I think to myself.

I sit up I feel dizzy and I put my hand on my forehead I'm bleeding. What the hell happened to me. I get a good look at the kid in front of me. It's Finnick Odair, Conor Odair's son the girl chasing him must be his daughter Fiona. Emily told me they were 11 and 12. They look a bit younger though and the seem more innocent than they should be especially in this world.

"I don't need help." I tell him and smile.

"Finnick." The girl stops when she sees me she must recognize me.

"Finnick let's go."

"But, he's bleeding. He needs our help."

"I don't need your help." I tell him again. He seems nicer than his father, maybe his mother has better manners.

The girl steps off to the side. "Finnick that's Dylan Watt,"

"Who's that?" He says confused.

I didn't win that long ago, he should know who I am.

"He's the newest victor."

"Really? That's cool."

"Finnick, he killed lots of people."

"So? Fiona, he had to."

This Finnick kid seems nice. His sister seems afraid like most of the people in District 4 but this Finnick kid doesn't.

"Dylan." Finnick says.

"Yes." I smile at him

"You need any help?"

"No, I'm okay. Thanks for asking though."

"Are you sure you're bleeding."

"It's just a small cut."

"He says he doesn't need our help let's go." Fiona says.

"Okay."

"Thanks for checking though."

"You're welcome." He smiles his sister grabs his arm and practically drags him away from me. She clearly knows about me like everyone else. I watch them head off in the opposite direction.

_That was interesting._ I think to myself

I stand up and try to figure out where I am. I'm at the beach near the boating arena.

I start to head home and get strange looks from the towns people. I usually do but some of them look enraged. I look at the ground on my walk home. I go into the door. Duke fixed most of it after it stopped raining so it is alright now, he even fixed the cracks in the foundation. I am practically drowning in money I paid him generously.

"Dylan thank god." Emily says as I walk into the house.

"You're bleeding."

"It's nothing serious." She takes a warm washcloth and wipes my head. I wince when she does.

"What happened?" I ask

"I was about to ask you the same thing."

"I don't know I woke up on the beach and I feel like I'm hungover. I don't remember drinking anything though."

"You didn't, we went into town remember to get food to give to people here."

"I don't remember that."

"You started to hear voices, you thought everyone was trying to kill you."

"Oh, I don't I remember. Why don't I remember."

"I think it is because you were so paranoid you blacked out." I think she wants to tell me more.

"What? What else happened."

"You pushed a few people to the ground forcefully. Then you tripped on something and hit your hit, which is how you got that cut. You then ran away trying to get away from everyone because you thought they were trying to kill you. I think you might have passed out from the panic. I didn't know where you were and people in town were angry."

"That explained why they looked angry when I walked through town."

"Well, you're alright now but I think..."

"What?"

"I think you should go to Victors Village now."

"What, why?"

"It's in a secluded area and there are fewer people and they will all understand if you try and... attack them."

"I attacked them?"

"That's what they are saying but you didn't hurt any of them just pushed them to the ground."

"I don't want to go there."

"I think it would be better if you did. People wouldn't bug you as much."

"I don't..."

"Dylan please." She says she sounds sad.

"What else happened?"

"Nothing, you're alright now so it doesn't matter."

"What happened Emily?"

"I think they want to hurt you." She says.

"Well, then didn't like you said I'm alright. If I go to Victors Village do you think they will forget about me or something?"

"Yes." She says.

I sigh. "Fine let's go then."

"Good, I moved most of our stuff in already." She says.

"We can leave now then. It's too bad though." I say.

"Why?"

"We finally got this place fixed up and we have to leave."

"We can come back." She smiles.

"Let's go." I say annoyed.

She we start to head down to the village. Emily took us on a strange path so we don't have to go into town. She goes up to the house closest to the exit and walks right in. This is my new home.

We walk inside and it is huge. It is two floors. On the top floor there are four bedrooms and each one has a bathroom. There is also a little common area near the stairs. On the main floor there is a huge kitchen which is filled with any appliance you could think of and an island in the middle with four stools . It has a living room that has two large sofas, two chairs, a fire place, and a coffee table. There is also a bathroom and a hall closet.

"This place is big." I say.

"I think so too." She says.

"I didn't pick a bedroom so you could pick first because it is your house." She smiles.

"I wouldn't have cared. I don't want to be here."

"Well, you're alright." We head up the stairs and I choose the bedroom closet to the stairs because it was the closest.

We head down the stairs and Emily makes me something with the food that was already in the house.

She lights a fire even though it is a warm night out. I stare intensely at the flames and get lost in a trance.

"Dylan." Emily says shaking my shoulder.

"What? What did I do?" I say frightened.

She smiles "Nothing, silly. I was just going to tell you I was going to sleep."

"Oh, okay. See you tomorrow."

"Night."

"Night." I yell as she heads up the stairs.

I should probably go to sleep as well but I don't want to get up. After an hour I put out the fire and head up to bed. I flop down on the bed. It forms my body exactly. I strangely like it maybe spending so much time in the Capitol I got accustomed to soft lush beds. I close my eyes and drift to sleep.

It's raining hard and I'm in a jungle. How did I get in a jungle? Something runs past me and a high pitch noise follows. It keeps happening multiple times and they get closer and run into me causing me to spin around.

"Dylan." I hear them hiss.

"Whose there?" I yell.

One of the creatures hits me and pushes me up against a tree and ties me to it. I struggle to get out but it's no use.

"Dylan do you want to feel what it's like to burn." They whisper in my ear.

"No!" I scream out

"We have the fire this time and we are going to let you burn." A woman says in my ear. They start pouring gasoline all over me and they light a match.

"No, please don't!" I beg. I realize these are the dead tributes seeking their revenge.

"Why you did it to us." She smiles and drops the match I can feel the flames on my body and I start screaming out in pain. I bolt awake I'm in bedroom and pat my body to make sure there are no flames on them. A few minutes later Emily comes into my room.

"Dylan you're alright." She says and comes over to the bed and sits next to me.

"I know."

"Okay, it was just a nightmare."

"I know." I say.

"Do you remember what it was about?"

"Being burned alive from the people I killed."

"It's fine it wasn't real."

"It felt real, I could feel the flames on my skin. That is how the people I killed felt for the last moments of their life." I say and start hyperventilating and crying.

"Shhh." My sister says and wraps her arms around me.

"You're alright, no one is going to hurt."

"But... I hurt them." I barely get out.

"Shhh." She says and starts humming a familiar melody that makes my body relax. My body starts to go back to normal but, I am still crying.

"You're okay. You're okay." She keeps saying and rubs my back.

I stop crying and she holds me. After awhile she let's go and tells me to go to sleep.

"Please don't leave." I tell her.

"Don't worry I won't." She says. I scoot over and she sits next to me and watches me until I fall asleep. I usually don't' remember my nightmares and I preferred that. Maybe I remember them now because I moved to Victors Village. I don't like it here but, Emily made it seem like if I didn't come here I would be locked up. I don't think that is allowed though. When you become a victor you are pretty untouchable or at least that is how it is perceived.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14.**

It's been three months since we have moved into Victors Village and it seems things have gotten worse. I see people that aren't there and I hear voices almost daily. They tell me things and I'm starting to think they will only go away if I do what they ask.

I hear crying sound and it sounds familiar maybe it is Emily. I head downstairs to find where it is coming from. I see a figure in the corner something in the back of my mind is saying this isn't real. I get to the sofa and see her sitting there looking at the floor and crying.

I shut my eyes. It's not her, it's not real.

"Hi Dylan." Elena says.

"Elena." I say.

"What happened to me?" She says scared.

"Um...

"I'm dead right?" She says sobbing.

"Yes."

"Did you kill me?"

"NO!" I shout at her. Hearing Marina tell me this all the time makes me angry.

She doesn't say anything she falls off the sofa and starts gripping her neck. Blood is streaming out of her neck and I can hear the gurgling noise of her chocking on her own blood.

"No, Elena." I go over to her but when I try and touch her nothing is there. I look around. I shut my eyes and count to ten and try to clear my thoughts.

I breathe in and out "It wasn't real." I say aloud.

I don't feel like going back upstairs. I head to the sofa and lie there staring at the ceiling thinking of Elena and the knife being dragged through her neck. I put a pillow over my face and to try and get the thoughts out of my head. I near a soft banging noise and bolt up. I look over and see it is Emily coming down the stairs.

"Dylan?" Emily says confused.

"Hi." I say.

"I thought you were upstairs.?"

"I was, I thought I heard something but, it was just the wind. I'm not used to this house." I lie to her. I don't want her to worry anymore than she is.

"Okay, I'm not either." She smiles and heads to the kitchen and picks up an apple. I follow close behind.

"You're going to work right?"

"Yup." She smiles "Will you be alright by yourself?"

"I think so."

"If you get afraid you could probably see Mags."

I nod.

"Okay, I'm leaving goodbye." She hugs me. "I get done at 4:00, if you want to see me you can come." She smiles and walks to the door to leave.

I fiddle with stuff in the kitchen.

_Dylan_

I hear a hissing noise

"It's not real. It's not real." I tell myself and shut my eyes.

_Yes it is they're coming to get you._

"No one is there." I yell unsure.

_They're going to kill you._

"Who's going to kill me?"

_The people in the square._

"No, it's not real you're not real."

_THEN WHY ARE YOU ANSWERING ME! _The voice shouts

_Dylan _it hisses again

"I don't..."

_We're watching you. Always watching you. You may not know it but, we are there._

My breathing starts to accelerate and I'm starting to panic. I sit down on the floor and put my hands over my hears trying to block the voices out but I can still hear them. My panic gets worse.

"Leave me alone!" I shout out.

My heart starts to beat fast and I start hyperventilating. I'm sweating and my head is throbbing. I feel like I'm going to pass out and my panic has turned into terror. I can't move I am frozen in this state of terror. All I feel is terror and I just want it to end.

My state of terror eventually ends it seems like it lasted forever but it was only five minutes.

I get up and feel wobbly I get a glass if water and sit down.

"I'm okay."

I walk out of the house to get away from there. Hopefully the voices don't follow me. I shiver at the thought.

I start to walk I don't know where I'm going. I just follow the path out of Victors Village that will lead me into town.

As I get closer I see something written on the side of a building

KILL THEM. It reads in what looks like blood

It's just your imagination. I shut my eyes but when I open them it is still there.

_Kill them a_ voice says

"No" I say

_Why not? It would be so easy._

"No" I say again

_You know you want to, you hate them all so much. Do it kill them. kill them. KILL THEM!  
_

"Get the hell out of my head!" I yell. I close my eyes and put my fingers over my ears. My face is contorted with fear and anger. I open my eyes and am getting a few stares and this time I don't blame them.

The voices stop yelling but, I can hear them laughing maniacally.

I look at the the clock tower it is 3:30. Emily gets off soon. I start I head to the butchers shop.

"Hello Dylan." I hear Charles say to me. Charles doesn't seem to care, I think it is because my sister has been working for him so long he doesn't see me the way most of the District does.

Emily comes out from the back.

"Hey what's up." She tells me.

"Didn't you say you got done at 3:45?"

"4:00 actually but it's not busy so I can talk with you." She looks at me strangely. I think she has realizes something is wrong.

"Are you okay?" She asks me

"I don't know." I say and look around.

"Did you have problems walking into town."

"At home and walking into town." I tell her.

"What happened?"

"I was hearing the voices saying they were always watching me."

"There not, it's not real."

"I know but we they talk to me it feels real. I had a state of panic and couldn't get it to stop. I felt like I was going to die."

"You didn't you're fine. What happened to cause this state of panic."

"The voices." I want to shout at her but, because we aren't home I restrain myself.

"What happened when you walked into town?"

"People kept telling me to kill them and it would be easy and fun because I hate them. I ended up shouting get out of my head and everyone in the vicinity looked at me. This time I don't blame them. If I heard someone yelling for voices to get out of there head I would too."

"They're not real."

"I know but they aren't going away... I think if I do the things they ask they will."

"No, Dylan that's not true."

"How do you know?"

Emily looks uncomfortable she might be thinking that I will kill someone.

"I don't want to kill anyone. I just want the voices to stop."

"They will go away eventually."

"You don't know that. I will be hearing them forever maybe if do what they want...

She walks out from the counter.

"Dylan, stop."

"Stop, what? Hearing voices I can't really control that. If I did I wouldn't be in this predicament." I say angrily.

"Stop thinking that, they could go away." She says. "And stop thinking if you kill someone they will go away." She whispers.

"I don't want it to happen. I just get this feeling." I say.

"That what?"

"That if I don't do what they ask they will kill me."

"It's not true." She says

It is silent.

"It usually doesn't happen when people I know are around" I tell her

"I know you've said that before. I already put in my work order to quit it just has to get approved."

"How long will that take?"

"It could be a month." She tells me.

District 4 has very odd employment rules. You're not allowed to get fired or quit unless you can show proof that you can survive without the job. It's nice knowing you can't get fired but if you want to quit well.. it could take a long time. They usually don't care what happens to the people in the lower level but, it still takes awhile. She has access to my victor winnings so she never has to work a day in her life again. Charles did offer that she could stop showing up but, sometimes peacekeepers check in to make sure people are doing their jobs. If she wasn't here something bad could happen.

"Don't be alone anymore stay with Tyler and if he can't be with you I'm sure Mags wouldn't kick you out." She tells me.

"I'm turning into a sociopath."

She hesitates.

"No." She says.

"You hesitated." I say.

"A sociopath is someone who lacks a conscience and has no emotions. You clearly have that something else is affecting you." She smiles.

"Why do you know that?"

"Know what?" She says nervously.

"The medical symptoms of a sociopath."

"Dylan I've sort of been looking into this to see if I can help you."

"What do you mean get me committed."

"Of course not, people who go in there don't come out."

"Sometimes they do."I say.

"I just want to see if you could take some medication or something."

"Emily...

"What do you want to hear voices and be in a constant fear forever."

"Of course not."

"That's why I thought I would look into it."

"If I get taken to the hospital.."

"Not, the hospital but the local doctors office."

"I see."

"I haven't found anything." She says.

"Well, maybe it is just from the Hunger Games." I say.

"I don't think so. People who get locked up in the mental hospital hear voices."

"Well, why don't you go down there and ask."

"I think they would know I'm asking for you."

"I'm not going in there."

"I know, that would only hurt you." She smiles at me.

"Emily." Charles says. I forgot he was here, he could definitely hear us talking.

"Sorry

"No, I was just going to say you could leave early."

"Oh, thanks." She smiles at him.

"I'll see you tomorrow." He says "And Dylan it was nice to see you." He says and heads back into the back.

"Let's go." She tells me and smiles.

We walk home slowly and I feel like someone is following us. I keep looking behind to make sure no one is.

"What are you doing?" Emily asks me.

"I feel like someone is following us."

"No, one is there Dylan." She tells me.

"Are you sure."

She smiles "Yes, trust me. Do you trust me?"

"Yes." But I still feel like someone is there.

"Home again, home again." I say as I open the door.

"Yes, are you hungry because I can make you something."

"No, I'm not hungry."

"Okay well come on." She say and we are heading to her room her room looks lived. Unlike mine because I haven't unpacked yet and I don't want to. She goes over to me and gives me a thick book. It looks old on the front cover it reads _Psychological Disorders_

"What's this?" I say angrily

"You said you wanted to know if there was something that could help. If we both look it might be more efficient, I have two other books. Don't you want to know if there is something to help you."

"I guess." I say.

I start to flip though the book, when I do I feel sad to see all of the terrible things someone could be effected by. I feel sorry for all of the people suffering from these.

It's been an hour I'm about to say this is no use.

"Dylan." Emily says

"What?"

"Tell me if this sounds like you." She looks up to make sure I'm listening.

"Okay."

"Lack of sleep, delusions, hallucinations most common is hearing things that aren't there, extreme paranoia, extreme panic and anxiety, disorganized thinking, disorganize speech often stopping mid sentence, lack of attention, and social isolation." She looks at me.

"That sounds like me. What's this called."

"Schizophrenia." she says.

"Okay so is there a way to stop it."

"It lists some medications that could control the symptoms but there is no cure. I could ask Hector for the medications. But it says in extreme cases the best thing to do is…" She trails off.

"What?"I say.

"Nothing."

"What does it say?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Let me see." I say and grab the book from her hand

"And in extreme cases… hospitalization."

"It doesn't matter this might not be it."

"The symptoms fit perfectly. I have all of them."

"Well it doesn't matter because your case is not extreme, you're fine. You're not going to get put in the mental hospital."

"Why do I get the feeling I will."

"It doesn't matter. I won't let you go in there."

She hugs me but I can still see the text _and in extreme cases the best thing to do is hospitalization for their own safety, and it is usually not by their own accord._

_Not by their own accord_ rings in my head and fits like the last piece of the puzzle. The whole district is afraid of me and I have been having more public outbursts. I have a feeling I will be ordered to go in there but, the only question is when.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

I'm going to the lower level today. I'm going to drop off some food, which Emily and I have done for a while now. Duke has started to build two buildings/houses. They will be the biggest buildings in the lower level but, are the size of the middle level houses, it is one floor with two bedrooms, a living area, and a kitchen. They will probably have other uses though. One of the houses will be used for shelter. It will be on a first come first serve basis. There aren't many people here so it should hold most of the population. It is better than staying outside or in condemned buildings. The other building is going to be used as a food pantry where people can be given meals if they need it. Which most of the people need.

"Tyler!" I shout when I see him.

"Hey."

"You still over seeing everything."

He watches Duke and gets updates when something important happens whether it be good or bad.

"Psssh yeah, someone has to your job."

I roll my eyes. "I can't come here everyday things would be worse than they already are."

"I know, I was just kidding."

"Come here." I tell him.

When I go here I usually go to my house. Being in a new environments makes me feel uncomfortable. We get to my house and sit at the kitchen table, this place seems so small compared to my house at the village but, I prefer it. I feels like home, while the other house makes me feel like I am staying at someone's elses house. I don't like that feeling.

"Pennilyn was asking about you yesterday." Tyler smiles

"She was not." I roll my eyes.

Pennilyn is my sisters oldest friend she is pretty much the female version of Tyler for her.

"Why would I lie about that? She has been chasing after you ever since she heard about Carter."

"Does Carter ask about me?" I smile.

Carter is my friend, I spent lots of time with her and she became more than a friend but, still wasn't considered my girlfriend. I always wanted her to be but, she didn't like that. So here we are still just friends.

He sighs "Yes she is your… friend." He smiles.

"What's with the hesitation?"

"Well you had fun with her in ways I don't with my friends."

I shrug "Well, I wish I didn't." I tell him truthfully, I just don't feel satisfied with the relationship we have now. I don't want are friendship to end but, I wish I could have something more with her.

"You still pining after her?"

"You still pining after my sister?" I ask trying to change the subject.

"Nah, I gave that up."

"You gave _that_ up! You have been chasing after her since you were like seven years old. Did you meet another girl?"

He shakes his head. "No, but I figured after chasing her for ten years that nothing is going to happen." He smiles.

"Well, you're not that type of person, to just give up, that's usually my job." I smile.

"You avoided my question."

"What?" I say slightly annoyed because he noticed this.

"You still pining after Carter?"

"What do you think?"

"I'm going to go with yes, since you're a victor now maybe you could impresses her with your new status." He smirks.

I roll my eyes. "No one is impressed with my _victor _status."

"The upper level."

"No, they don't like me because I'm..." I trail off. I don't want to say crazy.

"You're not crazy." He tells me.

"I think most of the District would disagree. Why does Pennilyn want to see me anyways when I'm..."

"People here either don't know or don't care." He tells me. "Besides it's Pennilyn. She has been your sisters friend as long as I can remember. She has always been chasing you she's like...

"You." I look at him.

"Well, I gave that up, remember."

I roll my eyes.

"So are you going to see her?"

"Who Carter?"

"No, Pennilyn."

"I don't think so, I don't want to push my luck with seeing so many people." I say and start to twirl my shirt in my fingers. I do this when I feel uncomfortable it is a subconscious thing, sometimes I don't notice I'm doing it until it is pointed out to me.

"Well, you won't be able to get rid of me." He smiles

"I know unfortunately." I tease. "You should see my house at Victors Village."

"Is it really everything they make it seem." He says sarcastically.

In the video they show us it makes it seem that becoming a victor is the best thing in the world. Because of the money, house, and infamy you get but they conveniently forget to mention that you will have nightmares for the rest of your life. I know it isn't just me, Mags says all of the victors get nightmares... even the ones who volunteer.

"Of course not. It may be bigger than this place but, it doesn't feel like home. It doesn't feel right, it feels like I'm in someone elses house... it feels like I'm being watched."

He puts his hand on my shoulder "No one is watching you Dylan." He tells me with compassion like Emily does when I say similar things.

"I know but, I get this feeling and it's not just in my house it's the other victors too."

"Well, no one is there." He says and smiles at me.

"I guess." I mutter.

"Let's go outside I can show you the progress Duke has made on your houses."

"Alright." I say and smile.

I spend the next few hours mostly talking with Tyler and only occasionally looking at Duke does or says. The buildings just have the foundations and I don't know much about architecture but I'm assuming he is getting the job done.

Tyler walks me halfway into town. I say I can handle the rest of the walk by myself which isn't a lie, I walked down here by myself so I can walk back by myself. I come home and Emily is in the foyer we never go in here. There is only a bench which is more decorative than anything else.

"Dylan." She says worried.

"What?"

"You should leave. Go home." She tells me

By home I know she means the house in the lower level. I was just there, I don't know why she would want me to go back.

"What…" I say confused but I am interrupted by a man in our house, I didn't see before. I recognize him from the hospital, he specializes with people who have mental illness. I have a bad feeling about this especially since what Emily read to me in that book. I don't want to get locked up in a mental hospital especially since I get the feeling I won't be let out.

"Oh good Mr. Watt you are back home." He has a strong build, dark brown hair, blue eyes, and pale skin. He has a look on his face that I don't like. It is almost superior.

"Were you waiting for me?" I ask confused.

"Yes actually. We want to evaluate you."

"Evaluate me?" I say. This is it. This is when they throw me in there.

"Well, you see most of the citizens of District 4 seem to think you will hurt them and…

"He isn't going to hurt anyone." Emily says.

That isn't true because I've attacked people in town, shouted people are going to kill me, and that I'm going to kill them. The towns people should be thinking this but, I have a feeling this isn't going to be good. Especially since what that book said about the disorder Emily and I think I have. It said in extreme cases hospitalization. I have a feeling I know where this conversation is gong and I don't like it. I almost feel I am in danger.

The man sighs. "He already has. The public wants to make sure they are alright. You are becoming a threat to others around and possibly yourself.

"I'm not going to kill myself. I have too much pride to do that." I tell him.

I'm not depressed my mind is just messed up. But, if one of those voices told me to kill myself I would probably consider it, just like I have considered killing people to get the voice to go away. It's one thing to think it but, a completely different thing to actually do. I think if I became desperate enough I would kill someone. I couldn't live with that guilt and then I would kill myself.

"Still, you could hurt other people. We feel it would be best for everyone if you were under a psychiatric hold for the next 72 hours. I know it will make everyone feel safer if you are evaluated. This is to ensure that everything is fine."

"You want to get me committed." I say with disgust.

"Not want, you need to be held there." He says and smiles evilly. Which makes my skin crawl, I won't be able to talk my way out of this.

"You can't just take me against my will. I don't need to be evaluated. I'm fine."

"Actually we can." He pulls out some paper.

Emily grabs it and reads it.

"It's a court order Dylan." She tells me.

"What?" I say angry

"You have to go or else you will get punished by the peacekeepers... publicly" She tells me

"What?" I snatch the paper out of her hand.

It is in legal jargon and I don't really understand it and it is making me dizzy. It does say my name and 72 hour psychiatric hold. At the end it says punishment see fit by the judge, which could mean anything. If they punish me with peacekeepers it is because I'm 'resisting'.

"Isn't this morally wrong to have me get attacked in front of the whole District because I don't do what you say." I say

"Not when it goes to the well being of others, besides if you think you are fine you will be able to leave."

"And if you deem me insane."

"We will worry about that then." He says but his tone of voice is suggesting I will be in there for more than 72 hours, I think Emily picked up on this as well.

I sigh

"Fine let's just get this over with, I'll come by the next hour so I can say goodbye to my sister."

He looks like he is going to say no.

"If I don't show up you can drag me there."

"Very well. As soon as I step outside your hour begins."

"Whatever." I tell him. As soon as he leaves Emily starts talking.

"They can't take you away. You're a victor." Emily says

"I don't think there is anything in the clause that says I won't get locked up in a hospital. I am just free from competing in the Hunger Games. It's only 72 hours." I tell her.

"I have a feeling that it is going to be longer than 72 hours." She pauses. "I think they're going to lock you up and throw away the key."

"I have my Victory Tour at the end of this month, that won't happen." I say unsure.

"I don't know." She says unsure as well.

"That is a requirement for becoming a victor. You have to go to all of the Districts, and see the family members of the people you killed. It is a form of punishment for 'winning.'"

"Isn't this also a form of punishment?"

"This isn't Capitol stuff, it's District 4 stuff"

"You don't believe that either." She says.

"Yes I do. "I say

No I think to myself. Everything always comes back to the Capitol somehow.

"It can't be that bad in there. It's supposed to help people right? I'll be alright." I say.

"I don't know Dylan. You are fine when you are with people you know but strangers… I think going in there will make it worse."

She is right I have panic attacks when no one I know is there and the voices I hear are more malicious. I'm going to be in an unfamiliar environment as well. When I first moved into this house I didn't sleep at all and the voices never went away. Going in there is going to make this worse and I think they know this because they want me to be in there.

"It will be fine." I tell her.

"I don't know Dylan, maybe we should try and figure this out. They can't publicly torture you because you're a victor."

I have a feeling she is right but I don't want to find out. Maybe they will torture someone else... maybe they would torture her.

"I don't want to find out. I'll just go and see you in three days. I'm fine."

"No you're not." She practically yells at me. "If you were fine you wouldn't hurt people, you wouldn't hear those screams, you wouldn't hear voices, you wouldn't have panic attacks. They're going to lock you up and throw away the key." She says and is starting to cry. I dont' want to see her crying because of me.

"Stop crying it will be alright." I tell her with compassion. "Even if it is more than 72 hours I will be out for my Victory Tour and I will be able to be with you." I smile.

"I hope so." She says.

"No there is no need for hope, they can't cancel a Victory Tour. It could cause a ripple effect for people to do other things. They don't want that they want to be in control.

She swallows hard.

"Okay." She hugs me.

I feel confident in my theory about my Victory Tour they would have to let me out for that wouldn't they?


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

I show up at the hospital and head to the psychiatric ward. I reach the front desk, I don't know what I'm supposed to say.

_Hi I'm here to get locked up for 72 hours _or_ hey the whole District thinks I'm crazy so I have been ordered in here_ or how about this_ I'm going to get publicly tortured if I don't go in here._

The woman at the front desk sees me looking at her, she is probably in her mid thirties. She has brown hair, milky white skin, and green eyes that sparkle in the light. She looks nice but looks can be deceiving.

"Can I help you?" She smiles and asks me.

"Um I'm supposed to... I mean I got told..."

"Oh, your Dylan." She says

"Um yes." I lower my voice. "Don't you know I'm the new victor?" I say surprised I thought everyone in District 4 knew.

She nods "Yes, am I supposed to call you victor Dylan." She says in a joking tone.

"No, that's save for people in the Capitol." I tease.

"Well they should feel honored then." She says sarcastically and smiles at me.

"Oh yes." I smile I like her I just hope the rest of the people are this easy to get along with.

"I'm Mabel. I have to check your file to see where they are placing you."

She starts typing things on her computer.

"That's strange." She says

"What?"

"Well, they have placed you in Ward C."

"So? Is that bad." I say nervously.

"Well when people are under psychiatric hold they usually get put in Ward A and it is also where people who are in out patient procedure go for check ups."

"What is Ward B?"

"Patients who stay here and have checked themselves in voluntary or their symptoms aren't severe."

"What's Ward C then?"

She pauses probably debating if to tell me. "Where they put patients with sever mental problems and their check out date is indefinite."

"You mean they never leave." I say.

"No, they do... sometimes." She says it sounds like she's lying.

"Does that mean I will be here indefinitely?"

"Oh no. I'm sure the other Wards are just full." She smiles. I can tell she is lying. They aren't even giving me a chance their just going to lock me up forever.

"I'm just going to check to make sure."

She gets on the phone with someone who is talking fast, I can't understand them Mabel is just nodding along.

"Alright thank you." She says and hangs up the phone.

"You can follow me now Dylan."

"Wait what about the whole Ward C thing?"

"It was just a mistake in the system." She says.

"You don't have to lie." I tell her.

She sighs.

"I'm sure you will be released soon. You will just be here in longer than 72 hours though." She says.

"You lying again?"

"You do have that Victory Tour, and you are going to mentor this year. After the Victory Tour I'm sure you won't have to go back here, unless it is for output patient treatment." She smiles.

I hope she is telling the truth. I don't want to be in here forever.

I get taken to a room. It's boring. White and gray all over and there is no hint of a sharp object in sight. They don't even have a real bed and on the bed are holsters to restrain me. I don't like it here. It makes me feel lonely. It makes me depressed. I thought this place was supposed to help me. I'm not here by my own will so I guess it doesn't matter.

I sit on the bed and run my fingers through the sheets. They are cheap and feel itchy. Sleeping will be harder than it usually is. I go to look around in the bathroom. There is nothing but a toilet and sink no shower or door. Maybe I shower somewhere else or not at all.

I look out the window and see bars on the window and no view.

"Is this a prison or a mental facility." I say and motion towards the widows.

"Those are there if you try to escape..."

"Escape like a prison." I say again.

"It's there to make sure you don't hurt yourself."

"Trying to escape a place where you are getting held against your will. Why? would anyone do that?" I ask annoyed.

She smiles. "Most people don't argue."

"That's probably because they're too far gone." I mutter.

"Well, most people taken to this ward don't check themselves in."

"Well, I didn't"

"You came to the hospital by your own accord and weren't physically dragged here."

"It feels the same to me."

She smiles. "I will tell Dr. Mallard you are here. He will come and talk with you and what you should expect."

"Goody." I say

She smiles and leaves the room, I notice that there is no door knob on my side of the room. Instead of thinking this is like a prison again I'm thinking this is a fire hazard especially with the bars on the window.

"72 hours my ass." I mutter to myself.

"You talking to someone?" A woman says.

I turn around expecting to see Dr. Mallard but the person I see is around 18 years old. I don't think doctors are usually that age and I didn't hear the door open either.

"No. Just myself." I say confused.

"That's alright but they say when you start to answer back you're crazy." She smiles

I'm pretty sure she doesn't work here, I'm getting the feeling that this person isn't real.

"That's nice" I tell her

"I guess." She shrugs

"What are you here for?" I ask. I'm still thinking she isn't real.

"Burns." She says

"I don't see any burns." I say confused

She walks over to me and whispers in my ear.

"Look closer." When she backs away her skin is completely burned and it is starting to melt off.

She starts screaming and grips my shirt and pushes me against the wall. "Why did you do this to me! Why did you kill me?"

Then I realize why I recognize her she is the tribute from 9. She is being burned to death.

"You're not real."

"Yes I am this is what happened when you murdered me!" She screams

"No!" I shake my head "It wasn't my fault!"

She starts to scream louder and she keeps burning in from on me until she is nothing but dust. I slump down on the floor and start to hyperventilate.

"It wasn't real." I say and breathe in and out.

_Yes it was. _A voice whispers.

I put my hands over my ears trying to get them to go away.

_They're looking for you. _ They whisper.

"No one is looking for you. It's not real. It's not real." I say to myself and rock back and forth.

_Dylan Dylannn _The voices say taunting me.

"No! Leave me alone" I scream wanting them to leave my head.

I can hear them laughing maniacally.

"Get out of my head!" I shout.

_We can but they can't_! The voice yells and I start to hear the screams from the dead tributes as if I am in the arena again.

The screams start getting louder and I feel like my head is going to explode.

"No!" I keep gripping my head tightly as if I'm trying to crack it like a nut.

I start rocking back and forth but they don't go away.

_I have to get out of here._ I think to myself. I get up and head to the door. _I need to go home._ I think to myself

I get to the door and remember there is no door knob on my side.

I hit the door and nothing happens I start to panic. Why are they keeping me in here?

_They're going to kill you._

"No, no." I say and start to get dizzy.

_Yes they are! You should've killed them when you had the chance! _The voice says maliciously.

"No, no!" I scream.

_The whole District wants you dead! _

I can't argue with that voice, I know it's true.

_Yes it's true. It's all true. _They say and cackle with laughter

I'm starting to agree with the voices. I need to get out of here. I haven't been in here an hour and I can already tell this is going to make everything worse. Mabel said I was going to be in here longer than 72 hours. I am in the permanent ward. I don't think I can stay that long, I can already feel myself getting crazier, I start crying. _I can't be in here. I need to go home. _I think to myself.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

I have been sitting on the floor crying for hours and this Dr. Mallard has not come yet. I'm hoping he doesn't, I don't want to talk with anyone but unfortunately someone comes in and they hit me with the door.

"Ouch." I say.

"Mr. Watt is your little episode over with now?"Someone says who I'm assuming is Dr. Mallard. He is short and fat he has dark brown hair that is starting to thin with age. He has pale skin that have lots of sun spots on them. He looks to be in his fifties. He doesn't strike me as a very warm person. He is making me uncomfortable. I know I shouldn't judge by his appearance but, looking at him has causes a shiver to run throughout my body.

"Episode?" I say confused.

"Do you call it something else?"

"Call what something else?"

"When you start screaming and hearing things, here we call it a psychopathic episode." He says smugly. I don't like this man already.

"Who are you again?" I ask.

"Oh sorry I forgot to introduce myself I'm Dr. Hector Mallard I would prefer if you called me Hector after all we are friends here right?" He smiles

"I'm not your _friend _my _friends_ don't lock me up." I say annyoed

"Well, hopefully you will grow to be my friend in due time."

"Doubtful." I snarl

"So during this episode what do you see or hear?"

"Voices, people." I say vaguely.

He smirks "Dylan the more you share with us the sooner you will leave."

"Well, I feel uncomfortable telling strangers or people in general. The only person I tell this stuff to is my sister so if you want the 411 why don't you talk with her."

"But I want us to become friends and how can we be friends if you can't share things with me."

"No, we aren't _friends._ You just see me as a file for you to probe and study." I tell him.

He smiles and sits next to me.

"Don't make this situation any worse than it has to be." He says in a comforting tone.

"How could you make this worse? Tie me down to the bed forever? You know you're not supposed to put people in solitary confident for more than a day, it will drive people insane."

He smirks "I think the people here don't have anything to worry about."

"What kind of doctor are you?"

"A good one. Besides you will talk with a therapist and there is group therapy so you can interact with other people."

I roll my eyes.

"I don't want to talk with anyone else."

"Dylan, it will help if you talk and socialize with people who know what you are going through."

"No one knows what I'm going through." I mumble.

"What makes you say that?"

"No one else was in that arena! I don't think anyone else has killed someone in here! You don't know anything!" I shout at him.

"Dylan please try to control yourself you don't want to be sedated do you?"

"So I can't express my feelings? I just have to sit and listen to you drown on." I say.

"You can express your feelings but you shouldn't shout, that draws attention to you, which is not what you want."

"I can't hold in my emotions, I can barely keep it together as it is."

"Well please try." He smiles.

I groan.

"Can you just leave me alone." I whisper.

"I can I just have a few questions."

"What? I say annoyed."

"Do you have any allergies?" He asks me.

"Peaches... why?" I say confused.

"To make sure the medication we give you won't cause an allergic reaction."

"You just can't give me medic-

"We can just give you medication, according to the courts your rights have been... suspended until we see it fit for you to gain them."

"You can't do this! You can't own me!" I shout.

"Dylan remember what I said, don't raise your voice. And we aren't owning you, we are just doing what we think is best."

"I'm only supposed to be in here 72 hours."

"You know as well as I that, that was never the case." He smiles evilly. "These are for you, you will be given drugs after every episode so we can take care of you." He says.

He hands me a plastic cup with four different pills in it.

"What are they?"

"You won't know the names of the drug you just need to know it will just make you feel relaxed."

"Relaxed?" I say confused.

"Yes after being highly in terror don't you want to be relaxed?" He asks me.

"Well..."

"Take these then." He tells me in a voice that sounds threatening.

"I don't want to take pills." I say and hand him the cup.

"You have to take them."

"No, I don't."

"Dylan please, you don't have any rights here. We are helping you. If you don't take it willingly we have other ways of giving you the drugs."

I sigh. I won't be able to talk my way out of this. I take the cup he gives me and the water and I swallow them.

"We, will be giving you other medication to try to help you with the symptoms you seem to have. The voices and anything else. It will be easier if you tell us what happens during your episodes so we can find one that will help you."

"Fine but I'm not going to talk with you maybe, I'll tell the therapist and you can just get the info from him." I mutter.

"Very well that is not uncommon. Tomorrow you will start you first day of _treatment _try to sleep well and remember we are helping you." He tells me and leaves the room.

I sit here for an hour and I start to feel funny, not a bad funny but extremely happy and I feel like sharing. I feel like if this Hector walked in right now I would give him my life story. I get up and go to the bathroom I want to see my reflection but, there is no mirror because it could be dangerous. I turn on the water and the droplets that hit my hands feel so good. It's like nothing I have ever felt before. I stand here for awhile and let the droplets of water hit my fingers and I'm smiling because of how good it feels.

I think the drugs they gave me made me high. I feel happy but I know this isn't a good thing because when they were off I will be confused, maybe even sad. I have not been sad or depressed. I am mostly just scared all the time. Hector said they would give them to me every time I had an _episode. _I feel like this is not a good thing. It will be playing with my emotions. Being happy and then suddenly have it vanish. I will probably be sad. I haven't really been sad since I started hearing voices. I am mostly confused and scared, not depressed. This medication is going to make everything worse. I hate this, I hate this place, I hate these drugs. I just want to go home.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

I hear knocking on my door and bolt right up. I look at my surroundings and am confused for a moment then I remember I am in the mental hospital. I look at the clock and see it is 6:30. I can't remember the last time I was awake this early, maybe when I was in the arena or maybe awake from my nightmares. Someone comes into my prison cell and I see it is Mabel the nice woman from the front desk. I am assuming she is also a nurse as well.

"Time to wake up. It's time for breakfast time."

"Are you hear to escort me?"

She smiles "Yes. Every morning you will be woken up at this time and taken to breakfast, then you will be able to shower and put on new clothes, then you will visit your therapist, then you will have group therapy, then you have an hour of group activity and it usually has to do with some type of craft, then you get lunch, then you will have another group therapy session, then dinner, and free time until it is lights out."

"That sounds..." I don't know how to respond. "Is it like this every day?"

"Yes the schedule is repetitive to help people who have trouble with erratic schedules."

"Why must I get up so early?"

"So you can see everyone and be more active throughout the day."

"What about visitors?"

"You have to be observed to see if they think it is alright for you to have interviews."

I sigh.

"It's not that bad." She says.

"Easy for you to say you're not being held against your will."

"Well, that may be true, as I said it is breakfast time you shouldn't be late." She tells me.

"There's no way I can get out of this is there?"

"Well, if you resist it will only make things worse." She says.

I sigh. I get up off the bed and feel dizzy so dizzy that I have to sit back down.

"Are you alright?"

"Just dizzy."

"The drugs they gave you last night usually take some getting used to. It will be fine."

I nod

"What is that stuff?" I say trying to forget after my drug trip I felt strange and worn out after it ended . This stuff can't be healthy.

"It's um something to make you feel better didn't ?"

"It made me high."

She nods her head "People compare it to the ..." she trails off.

"They're not giving me anything illegal are they?" I say nervously.

"No, but some people who are addicted to drugs say it has a similar feeling to other substances."

"That can't be right." I say annoyed.

"Let's take you to breakfast."

I sigh I get taken out of the room and I see Mabel dragging me to a cafeteria like room and see other people here who look just as uncomfortable as I feel. Most are looking around in a state of panic, some look bored, and others seem like they don't know where they are. We all get herded like cattle to get put in an assembly line to get food. I pick up a tray and they put some unappealing mush on my tray. Going from Capitol food, to normal food, and to luxury food I can buy with my winnings, to mystery meals is an interesting trip, it has almost come full circle. I get to the end of the line and a nurse is handing out something. When I get there I see it is a plastic cup filled with pills.

"Take these." She orders.

"I..."

"You can't leave until you take them."

"Oh yes so I can get to this glorious meal." I say snarkly. The woman looks at me strangely. I take the pills I try not to swallow them but she checks. I head to a table and sit down. I'm hoping no one talks to me. I notice there are nurses around everywhere watching us. It's making me feel uncomfortable I think they are here in case someone has an _episode _

I push the mush around curious what it is, I don't want to ask because I'm sure I won't like the answer.

"It looks tastes as bad as it looks." Someones says to me and drops their tray and sits across from me.

"Oh." I say. It is a man. He looks to be around 22, he has brown hair, hazel eyes, and he is tall and pale, he also has a noticeable scar on his forehead.

"You're new." He smiles.

"Unfortunately." I mutter and push around the mystery mush.

"Jacob." He says and take a bite of the mystery mush.

"Dylan." I say although I'm sure he knows my name.

"So what are you here for?" He smiles

"I don't really know. I got ordered here from the courts..."

"Oh... they usually don't put 72 psychotic holds in Ward C." He says eyeing me strangely.

"Well... I guess something else is going on." I mutter.

"Don't worry they will let you out, I have seen many people go in and out. I wish I was one of them." He says sadly.

"Well, there are more variables to my _situation_."

"Like what? You kill someone or something." He jokes

I look at him strangely.

"You're kidding right?" I say surprised

"Am I supposed to know what you did to get locked in here."

"You're not kidding." I say confused.

"Playing head games with me Dylan is not the smartest thing." He says slightly annoyed.

"I'm not... it's just I'm..."

"You're what?"

"The new victor."

"Really? Are you sure or do you just _think_ you are the new victor."

"I wish it was delusion." I mutter and pick at the mush.

"Victors just don't come in here."

"When they kill 22 people they do!" I shout at him and start to get dizzy. I put my elbows on the table and my hands on my face. I can feel the people staring at me.

"You're not kidding. You really are a victor."

I look up and take my hands off of my face.

"Why would I lie about that and why don't you know?"

"Please, they don't show the Hunger Games in here."

"Why?"

"People already have anxiety that's why most of the people are in here."

"So you don't have to watch it that sounds like a paradise."

He looks at me strangely.

"Look where we are Dylan does this look like paradise."

"No." I look down and pick at the mystery mush.

"You don't even know the half of it."

I look up.

"What do you mean?"

"Why do you think people go in but never go out?" Jacob asks

"They aren't getting the help they need." I say not believing what I'm saying.

He laughs "They're experimenting on people."

"What?"

"They tell us District 4 is the home of fishing but really it is the home of experimenting. The Justice Building, the lower level, and well this place."

"Justice building? Lower level I understand because I'm from there but Justice Building..."

"You really don't know do you?"

"Know what?"

"They torture people there."

I scoff

"You don't believe me." He says offended.

"Not really."

"That's the point." He tells me.

"What's the point?" I say confused.

"They tell things to crazy people because they know no one will listen to what they've got to say. They know everyone will just think it is something they made up in their mind, even if it as true as the sky is blue."

"I don't know...

"Come see me at the end of the week and see if you sill believe that." He smiles. Then walks away.

That was interesting.

"Pssst."

I look at the girl at the table next to mine, she comes over here.

"Don't listen to Jacob he's in here for acute paranoia."

"Oh."

"He does that will all the new people but nothing strange is going on in here."

I nod.

"Katie, and I'm here because I tried to kill myself."

"Oh." I say uncomfortable.

"Yeah that's how it goes here name and reason why you're here what about you?"

"I was ordered here they don't really know what's wrong with me."

She nods and smiles "Cool."

"Cool?" I say disgusted.

"Yup. I didn't catch the name."

"Dylan."

"So what is it? You hear voices or something? See things? Paranoia?"

"Is there an all of the above option?

She smiles "You're a fun patient, I hear voices you know." She says like it is something to be proud of.

"You don't say." I say annoyed

"Yeah they keep yelling at me to kill myself and I wanted them to go away so I tried it."

"Mine tell me to kill other people and that they are always watching me."

"Interesting you haven't killed anyone have you."

"Well…

"Oh my god is that why you're here." She doesn't sound uncomfortable she seems almost excited.

"Yes and no... I'm sort of the new victor."

"WHAT! Oh my god?"

"I..."

"Did you volunteer please tell me you volunteered."

"Problem?" A nurse comes over here.

"This is the new victor!" She shouts so the whole room.

"Yes he is." The nurse says and walks away conforming what I told her.

"So how did you do it? How many people did you kill? What was the arena like?"

"You're from the upper level aren't you." No one is this exited about the Hunger Games that I have met.

"Yeah why?"

"No reason."

"They don't let us watch here it has been a drag. I've been in here for two years, have there been any more victors from 4."

"No, just me." And no volunteers I want to add.

"So how many?"

"How many what?"

"People did you kill."

"Oh I'd rather not...

"Come on Dylan we're friends here right."

"I don't.."

"Please please please." She begs

"22 it was 22 god damn people!" I shout this time.

"Oh my god! How did you pull that off."

I get up and leave I don't want to talk about this.

A bell goes off and we get ushered to the bathrooms so we can shower, after they give us some similar type outfit, it is lounge wear and fairly comfortable. Then I get escorted by a nurse to my therapist.

I sit on the chair and wait, I rub my hands on my legs. The longer I wait the more uncomfortable I feel, and I can feel the room starting to get smaller. I close my eyes and breath in and out trying to make it stop.

"Mr. Watt?" I hear someone say and it makes me jump. I open my eyes and see a woman. She has a kind face, black hair, hazel eyes, and mocha skin.

"Hi." I say sheepishly

"I'm Dr. Stephanie Newman you can call me Stephanie or Dr. Newman or anything else you would like."

"Okay." I mumble.

"So how do you feel today?" She asks me.

"Trapped." I tell her.

"Trapped?" She says confused.

"Yes, I feel like I'm in a prison."

"You're not, you're in the hospital so people can help you."

"That's what people keep telling me but I don't believe it. I don't feel safe here, I only feel safe when I'm with people I know. Can you just let me go please." I beg.

"You have to be here for 72 hours but Dr. Mallard thinks it would be best that you stay longer."

I sigh.

"We have a standard procedure we do with all of the first time patients with the therapist."

"Okay just get it over with."

"Alright, close your eyes."

"My eyes?" I say confused.

"Yes close them and think of a place that makes you happiest."

"Okay."

"Do you have it?"

"I guess."

"Where do you see yourself?"

"With my sister."

"Okay but, where."

"I'm just with her it doesn't matter."

"Okay well focus on her."

I do as I'm instructed, I feel a pinch in my neck. I open my eyes in shock. I am in a different room it is dark and water is dripping it looks like a condemned building. It resembles the mess hall I had breakfast in and I can hear someone screaming.

"Hello?" I shout.

The screaming stops and something or someone takes me and shoves me into a cell like chamber. I get tied down to a chair.

"Dylan Watt?" They ask

"What?" I say confused and worried.

They pour cold water on me.

"What the hell?" I shout out

"Good, he could also hear the screaming." I hear them say.

"Where am I? How did I get here?" I say

"Vision seems obstructed."

"What is this?"

"Mr. Watt you're the newest inmate."

"Inmate? This isn't a prison."

I hear them laughing.

"This is a standard procedure. Just sit back and relax."

"But where am I and what happened to the mess hall?"

"Seems to be aware of his surroundings, the only thing now is the pain."

"What are you talking about?" I ask

They take a metal instrument that is red hot on the end, it must have been in a fire recently. They inject something into my skin and I scream out in pain. I look down and notice the burn mark and two black injection marks.

"Dylan? Dylan? Are you alright."

I'm back in the therapists office.

"I what's going on?"

"We were talking about your sister and your friend Tyler did you zone out?"

"I...I guess." I say

"That's alright. It's very common for the first therapy session." She smiles it seems nice but I can see something else, something I don't like.

I hold onto the arms of the chair because I'm feeling uncomfortable, my hand hurts when I grip the fabric.

"Ouch." I say and move my hand away.

"Something wrong Dylan?"

I look down at my hand. When I look down I see the burn that was on my hand and the strange markings just like in my vision.

The woman is smiling at me but her eyes contain satisfaction in them.

"Um, no." I say.

"Good, so have you met with any of the other patients?"

"Well I talked with two of them but, they made me feel uncomfortable."

"Why is that?"

"They kept talking about things I didn't want to, and I don't like meeting new people."

"Well maybe you will feel more comfortable with the other patients after you go to group therapy."

"Maybe."

The room flashes and I am back in the mess hall in that chair. The people who I can't see grab my hand and smile.

"Welcome to Ward C Mr. Watt."

I jump and am back in the therapist office.

"Dylan did you not hear me."

"What?"

"It's time for your group therapy session and you should take these."

"Why? What is it"

"Your mind seems to be scattered this should help. They will give you these with your meals now.

"Whatever." I mumble.

I still feel uncomfortable what the hell was that in there.

_It was just your imagination something your mind made up that Jacob guy messed with your head. Nothing strange is going on here, in the Justice Building, or the lower level. There is nothing going on here he is paranoid like myself everyone else in here._ I think to myself.

But when I look down at my hand I see the two strange injection marks in my hand the same ones for my vision. The words _Welcome to Ward C. _ring in my head. What the hell does that mean.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

"Alright everyone we have three new people joining our group today. Why don't we go around in a circle so everyone can introduce themselves." A woman with a clipboard says. Her face has harsh angles and she doesn't look nice just intimidating.

_What am I doing here?_ I think to myself

I look around and see 7 other people. This is group therapy, so we can all share and talk about our problems, but I just want to go home. I just want to get out of here.

"Let's start with you Lory."

"Lory. That's my name." A girl with fire red hair and emerald eyes says, she has perfect ivory skin that looks so soft.

"Wouldn't you like to share more?"

"No, I don't want to be here." Lory says.

"Join the club." I tell her.

"Now, now it may not seem like it now but all of you are here to be helped." The woman says.

"Whatever you need to tell us." I mumble I think only Lory hears me and she smiles.

"And what is your name?" The woman says.

"Dylan."

"You're the new victor." The girl across from me says with glee. She has skin tanned skin, light brown hair, and pasty white skin. She has a crazed look in her eyes, the same look I saw in the eyes of the careers.

"I heard that Katie girl shout it from the mess hall, so what did it feel like?" She asks me.

"What does what feel like?" I say confused

"Killing." She smiles "Killing those people, watching the life drain from their face and you feel their hot blood rushing onto your body. What does it feel like?"

"I... don't know." I tell her. This is making me very uncomfortable.

"Come on we're here to share right, just tell me give me something." The girl says.

"I..."

"Now, Sarah you shouldn't ask someone what it's like when you know it will bother them."

"But, I want to know. I need to know, I got stopped last time I tried." She laughs and smiles.

"What?" I say shocked and disgusted.

"Sarah is in here because she tried to kill her mother and sister. She said voices _made_ her do it." A boy says with black hair, blue eyes, and light skin says.

"What does that mean?" I ask

"She hated them she did it on purpose." He says.

She smirks. "So what if I did, this gig is better than prison."

"Okay, can I just leave." I say. I'm feeling nervous, my palms are starting to sweat and the room seems to be getting smaller.

"Let's get back on task to introducing ourselves." The woman says who is terrible at leading this group thing.

"We left off with Dylan let's pick up there."

"Jacob." Jacob says next to me. He seems unamsued.

"Karla." The girl next to him says. She has chocolate colored skin, black skin, and eyes so dark they almost look black.

"Cliff." The boy says who was talking about Sarah.

"Sarah." She says and smiles at me and she makes me anxious.

"Tobe." A boy with long brown hair, tanned skin, and green eyes says.

"Stevie." The girl says she has hair that is blonde but has a strange pink tint to it. "It looks pink because I wanted it to be pink." She says angrily.

"Okay." I say confused.

"Okay that is everyone, now does anyone have anything they would like to share, maybe the three new people?"

"What's in those drugs they give you, I mean does anyone else get really high?" I blurt out.

"We can't talk about that." Jacob says annoyed.

"But why?" I say confused.

"Let's just move on." The woman says

"What no, we are supposed to share and I want to know if this is just me." I say defensively.

"Everyone has different effects so it doesn't matter."

"Right different effects. They make me feel high too and I don't like it. I keep telling them to stop giving them to me but what's a girl to do. The just jam them down my throat if I refuse or knock me out.." Steive laughing with disgust.

"Now, that is not true. She is just paranoid ."

"Right we are all just paranoid even tough we think and feel the same thing." Cliff says annoyed.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"They tell us things." Cliff says.

"Cliff I think you should be taken back to your room for some alone time." The woman says and a nurse comes in a drags him out of the room.

"Why?" I ask confused.

We sit in silence for the rest of the hour and get escorted to another room that has painting in it.

"Art therapy." I scoff to Jacob.

"Oh, yes it's so much _fun_ it's different every day though." He smirks

I follow him to an easel.

"So why did that Cliff guy get taken out of group therapy?"

"He was sharing information that they don't want to be shared, like you talking about your drug trip. They don't want us to share because they don't want us all to know incase we rebel or some bullshit."

"Rebel?" I say confused.

"There are more patient than _guards _no one does anything because they keep telling us it is all in our head bullshit. Sometimes it is don't get me wrong but the drugs aren't. They make us high so they don't have to deal with us. Why do you think it is after an _episode _they try to calm us down until we are _reasonable _again.

"You know how you told me at brekfast."

"Yes." he smiles.

"They said they have this procedure they do for first time sessions."

"You mean this." He holds up his arm and I see the same injections.

"Yes. What is...

"I don't see you painting, it will relax your mind." A nurse behind us says.

I sigh. I have a feeling we won't be able to talk anymore either.

I pick up the paint brush and dip it in the green.

I make a line, I'm no artist and not trying to be. The painting reminds me of something I don't know what but, I know I don't like the feeling. Why do I feel so uncomfortable about painting

My hands are starting to sweat and I'm starting to breathe heavy. I close my eyes and see why I remember. I see myself at the camouflage station at the training center and I'm with Elena.

I drop the paint brush and the green paint splatters everywhere. I put my hands on my temples. When I open my eyes I see her standing next to me.

"How's the painting going?" She asked me the same thing in the training center.

"I'm not very good." I give the same response.

"I'm making some progress on the plants, I think we should try weapons after lunch." She smiles

"Elena." I say "You're dead, this isn't real. You're not real you died in the arena."

"Dylan?" I hear Jacob say

Elena picks the pant brush off of the floor.

"I know I got stabbed in the neck." She says twirling the paint brush in her fingers getting the green paint on her face.

"Like this." She stabs the end of the paint brush into her neck. The blood flies onto the canvas and she falls to the floor.

I scream out and see the blood in the canvas.

"No! No!" I get off the stool and try to touch her dead body but it disappears

I feel someone touch my shoulder I jump.

I start to hear faint screaming and put my hands over my ears.

"Leave me alone!" I shout out.

I feel something stick me and then it goes black. I wake up and see I am in my room.

I sigh they drugged me because I was becoming a problem.

The door opens and Mabel comes in with a tray of food.

"I'm not eating with the others?" I say grateful.

"No, not after you have an episode. Hector will speak with you later and then you might get out for your second round of group therapy."

"I don't want to leave. These patients are messing with my mind. They tell me things... ideas and I am believing them."

"What types of things?" She asks although I think she knows what.

"You know don't you." I say.

"Know what?" She says pretending to be confused.

"They really do experiment in people here don't they?" I ask.

Her body stiffens when I say this.

"No... Why don't you just eat your lunch."

Her lips say something but her body tells another story

"Lips say no but face says yes."

She smiles at me

"Just eat Dylan after you are finished I will get Hector."

I sigh.

This food looks more eatable than breakfast, canned oranges, some mushy corn, fish bits, and some water. If people in the lower level werehere they would find this heavily but, people don't care about the citizens there. I doubt they would ever find themselves in this hell hole.

She stays in the room and watches me eat, I'm assuming she has to. I see she is holding a syringe filled with some blue liquid, probably to knock me out. After I finish she says she is going to get Dr. Mallard and leaves the room.

He comes in the room.

"Hello Dylan."

"_Hector_." I sneer.

"You had an outburst during art therapy today would you like to talk about it?"

"No, I just want to go home."

"You keep saying this Dylan but if you don' share with us it will be harder for you to leave."

"Fine, while I was in the training center I went to the camouflage station because I thought it would be useful."

"So painting is connected to the thought of the Hunger Games. Interesting."

"No, I don't care about that, it was what I saw,."

"What did you see Dylan?"

"Elena." I say.

"Who's Elena." He says confused.

I look at him with disgust, then again I could know a girl named Elena that has some traumatic memory.

"The female tribute from 4 the one... the one I couldn't save." I say.

"Couldn't save?"

"I was supposed to die in there and she was supposed to live but, that monster from 10 killed her and here I am." I motion around. "I guess this is fitting I am being locked up for a promise I didn't keep."

"So everything you see is connected to this girl."

"No, I don't usually see her, I don't usually see anyone."

When he says this he has a peculiar smile on his face. I'm thinking about the vision I saw earlier but shake that thought away because it was nothing. It meant nothing.

"So you hear things then, voices."

"Yes." I grumble.

"What do hey tell you?"

"It's the screaming of the tributes when they were being burned alive, and um they tell me to kill people also."

"Have you ever thought about killing people to get them to go away."

"I..." I don't want to say yes because I feel that will make things wose but I have. I have thought about it, I've told Emily this and she assures me that is not the case.

"Is that a yes?"

"I..."

"I'm going to go with that, thank you for sharing this. I don't think you will be involved in art therapy anymore, you can just have relaxation time in the main room."

"Goodie." I say sarcastically

"You are going to leave now so you can go to your second group therapy session but first, take these."

He has the four pills in the plastic cup that will make me all loopy.

"I don't...

"Take them Dylan." He says threatening.

I sigh.

"Why does it make me feel... high."

"Does it? Your dosage might be too high but it could've been a first time thing, just take them and get ready for group therapy."

"Whatever." I take the pills and dry swallow them the bitter taste still resonates on my tongue.

I'm starting to believe that something here isn't right. My gut keeps telling me to run away and that I am in danger. I don't like this feeling but, I also don't want to believe it.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

"Do you know what this is Dylan?" Stephanie -my therapist- asks.

In front of me is a canvas that has red paint splattered all over it. I don't understand why she is showing this to me, maybe because I got out of art therapy I have to be shown art.

"No, nothing about this seems familiar. It's just red paint splattered on a canvas."

"Well, yes but this is what you were working on before you started seeing Elena."

"Oh, I don't remember that. I saw her blood go on it, I didn't realize I was throwing red paint on it." I mumble.

"Well, you do know." She smiles. "Hector told me that you weren't supposed to make it out of the arena, and that you were to save Elena. Why did you want this?"

"She was thirteen she shouldn't have died at such a young age."

"I see, so you thought her innocence was important so she could live on."

"No, I knew I didn't have a high chance to win anyways. I thought I would protect her even if she didn't win, I would die for her. However as you can see that is not what happened." I say annoyed.

"Do you blame yourself for her death?"

I'm starting to get angry I don't like talking about this, she should know the answer is yes.

"I don't want to talk about this Stephanie."

She nods "Then write it down."

"Write it down?"

"Anything, the voices, your memories, the people you miss, District 4, the Capitol, anything to keep your mind at ease. You can't keep avoiding things forever, you need to let it out and if you're not going to tell me, you should write it down."

She opens her drawer and hands me a notebook and a pencil.

"Write it all down you can't do art therapy anymore. You should write it down during that time and we can review it next session."

"I also want you to work on a list of things of all of the positive things that have happened in your life, all of the negative things, and all of the things you regret."

"But why?"

"It could help you and we can understand more about you." She smiles

"Fine." I mumble

"It's time for you to leave for group therapy." She says.

I sigh and get up to be escorted to group therapy, which I think is stupid because we can't talk about the things we want to. We usually sit in silence for most of the time. Everyone is taken to art therapy but I get taken to the main room where people from Ward A, B, and, C can go. It's mostly people from B and C people from A are for seventy-two hour holds or out patient procedure. I haven't seen anyone from Ward A.

I talk to one person when they are here, she doesn't come everyday so I usually sit and stare at the wall. I don't care, I prefer to be alone in this place rather than doing stupid activities. But now I have to write in this journal. Before I get working on it I see Katherine is here.

She has Reddish brown hair, green eyes, and sun kissed skin. She is in her early thirties. She is in Ward B so she can leave whenever she wants, she just has to sign out. She didn't check herself in her husband did because she tried to kill herself.

Katherine just talked to me one day, I don't know why maybe she thought I looked lonely, maybe she was, it doesn't matter it's nice to talk to someone. Whenever we are in here we talk. It's usually light conversation but it is better than nothing.

"Hi Katherine." I tell her.

She smiles and comes over to the table I am at and sits across from me.

"Lately anything see, Dylan you are how?"

Katherine speaks everything backwards. When she started to talk to me I was confused. It has something to do with a trauma that happened to her. I don't know what happened and I'm not going to ask. It takes me awhile to figure out what she says but I don't think she notices.

"Not today and I'm alright."

"Today visitors any have will you think you do?"

"My sister."

They are letting me see people finally. I am excited for this because I get to talk to someone from the outside world and someone I know.

"Husband my does so."

"That's nice."

"Day every him see to get I but him miss I is it yes."

She gets visitors everyday. I wish I did I only get Tuesday, Thursday, and Sundays but, my Victory Tour is supposed to kick off on Sunday. I'm assuming they will let me out.

"Day other the something heard I."

"What?"

"Victor new the you're."

"Oh."

"True it is?"

"Yes."

"Sorry am I."

"Why you didn't make me go in there."

"I then Death to stabbed got she back it make didn't she. Ago years few a called was daughter my feels it how know I but yes."

She clears her throat and stops talking. I'm assuming that is how she ended up here.

"I'm sorry." I tell her

"Fault your not."

She smiles

"Tour Victory your about what?"

"It's supposed to start on Sunday I'm assuming I will be let out soon."

She nods

"Miss Katherine your husband is here."

"Dylan bye." She smiles

I nod. I wonder if she will ever be able to speak normally again.

I sit at a table and open the notebook. I flip the pages through my fingers and eventually just stare at the pages. I tap my pencil against the table and a woman in the corner looks afraid when I do this. I stop so she doesn't have a panic attack, I don't want that. I place the pencil on the page hoping words will just magically come but nothing happens. I start looking around the room and see how boring it is, I wish there was some color in this place. People are depressed it should have some colors, it's like on a cloudy day all you want to do is stay inside all day. That is how I feel all day in here. After thinking this I just start to write my thoughts on that subject.

_I'm in a place where I am surrounded by depression, panic, and anxiety and it's not just the people it's also the atmosphere. There is the saying if walls could talk what you they say? I wonder what secrets these walls know, I wonder if they were given the opportunity if they would share everything they have seen or if it would be too tragic to tell. This place makes me wonder, I want to see all of it, every room and every person. I want to see if there are more people like me or worse off. I want to see every room and see if it is all a shade of dull gray or if some hold color. A bright pink, a dark green, blood red, or maybe a royal purple. I'm sure this place can't be all gray, it would seem too sad I'm sure there is some color and I am dying to see it._

I read what I wrote and feel sad. I want to leave but, I also want to see something more than gross gray. I have a feeling Stephanie is going to make an argument that if I went to art therapy I could see all these colors but, I want to see them around the hospital it would make things... better, even if the colors were muted it would be better than blah gray.

I make three columns because I'm supposed to write about my regrets, positive, and negative thoughts of my life. She gave me a list of things. I can place them anywhere and in multiple columns. The list reads: _Emily, Tyler, Parents, Pennilyn, Lower level, School, Hunger Games, Elena, Mentors, Victors, Tributes, and Carter._

I'm wondering where they got this information. Especially about Pennilyn and Carter. I don't think I have ever mentioned them, then again I black out a lot in therapy sessions and get taken to the creepy mess hall and get things injected into me.

I put _Emily, Tyler, Parents, School. _In the positive column. I put _Hunger Games, Lower level, Mentors, Victors, Tributes, Elena, Parents_.In the negative column. I put my parents in this column because I'm sad about their death and the lower level is in here because the life style there is very negative.I put _Hunger Games, Tributes Elena._ In the regrets column and off to the side I put _Carter _and _Pennilyn _with multiple question marks.

I don't know where to place them Pennilyn hasn't had any negative effects in my life but, I don't know if I regret anything eiter. She has been chasing after me and I feel guilty about this, but I always told her how I felt. Thinking about this is making my head dizzy so I move onto Carter.

Carter is similar but there are more elements involved into that. Carter has been my friend and has been for years but I feel I could place her in all the columns. The first thing that comes to mind is regret. Regret because Carter and I should've never started to have sex. People always say in that type of relationship someone always gets hurt, I just didn't think it would be me. I wanted more from her and she didn't, we are still friends and it seems like nothing has changed but at the same time everything has. That is why I could also put her in the negative column because I became confused and didn't get what I wanted. I could also put in her the positive column because she has always been there in my life, without her things would be different. I just start scribbling on the paper until I have broken through a few pages. I put the pencil down and place my hands over my face.

I will come back to them, I don't like thinking about this. Especially now when I don't have the right frame of mind. I can barely tell what is real or not. Thinking about complex relationships I have with people is something I souldn't be analyzing that.

I get a tap on my shoulder and know it is time for lunch. I take the notebook and get taken to the mess hall. I get in line to get my lunch and my pills and sit at a table. Jacob sits next to me shortly. I guess I am his friend. I have been in here a week and he always sits next to me. I think maybe he is lonely and you do need someone to talk to in here or else you could get depressed more than you already are.

I notice he has gold glitter on his hands probably has to do with whatever craft they made them do today.

"Is that glitter on your arm?"

"Yes we got to make glitter glue pictures today." He says disgusted.

"Glitter glue?"

"You put glue on paper make it into a design and then pour glitter on it. It's stupid just like all the other art therapy."

"I see." I say unamsued.

"Today you get visitors right?" He asks me.

"Yes." I say.

"There going to be watching you know."

"I figured, at this point I don't care."

He nods.

I get taken back to my room because it is visiting hours. You can only see a person for two hours, it reminds me of how you can only see someone for five minutes before you go off and fight to the death. I just wish I had more time. I think the only person who is going to visit me is Emily.

I sit on the bed and run my fingers through the cheap sheets. After ten minutes I figure she isn't coming but I hear the door open. I'm not getting my hopes up it could just be someone giving me medication.

"Dylan." I hear Emily say.

"Emily."

She comes over and sits next to me.

"Hi." She says. It looks like she is going to cry.

"Are you okay?" She asks me.

"Peachy keen." I say.

"What happened to 72 hours." She mutters.

"They want me to stay here longer. The plan was to always keep me in here, Hector said it himself."

She nods "That's what I thought too."

"It's okay the Victory Tour is at the end of next week, I will probably be getting out soon." I smile at her.

"True but, they could just put you back in here."

"I doubt it."

"Is it bad in here? Do they treat you okay?" She asks.

"Relatively speaking, they make me talk about things I don't want to." I whisper.

"Why don't you just not talk then?"

"They I will get knocked out and dragged back here. Which I don't want, so I talk."

"What do they make you talk about?"

"The Hunger Games, Elena."

"Not the voices?" She says surprised.

"No, I don't know why. I see Elena more and the voices are becoming meaner and more threatening."

"You're getting worse in here. You should leave."

"Well, I can't do that. Just think one more week."

"I know."

We spend the rest of the time talking about what she has been doing while I have been here. Most of it is worrying about me, she is overseeing Duke making the houses apparently they are finished but, she can't buy food or anything because she can't get access to my victor winnings for some reason. I'm hoping she can figure it out because I can't in here. Before I know it she is gone and I am alone again. I wish she could just stay.

I lie down on the bed and press my knees to my chest. I don't think anyone else is going to be visiting me. I can feel a tear drip down my cheek and now all I am thinking is I want to get out of this hell hole. I hear the door open expecting someone to come in here and sedative me because I am crying.

"Go away." I say with tears running down my face.

"After all the trouble I did to come in here I think you can spare me five minutes." I turn around and see her. Her creamy ivory skin, chestnut color hair, and eyes that are the color of melted chocolate.

"Carter." I say happily.

"Hi." She smiles and waves.

"What are you doing here?" I'm grateful but surprised. I've seen Carter twice since I've come home. I wanted to see her more but I can barely handle talking to Tyler and Emily.

"I have a bone to pick with you." She says and sits next to me.

"What would that be."

"You haven't seen me recently."

"Well, I've been busy." I say sarcastically "Besides, you didn't see you before I went off to die."

She smiles "Clearly... and I thought it would be too hard."

"For me or you?"

She shrugs "Both maybe."

"So this is the new digs." She says and motions around "Could use some color."

"I couldn't agree more."

"It makes me feel depressed." She says.

"Well, this place is depressing for lots of reason." I smile

"Do you know what I had to do to get in here? They had to check everything I had on me multiple times, to make sure you couldn't use it as a weapon."

"Well, all the mentally ill are here it's party central." I joke

"I missed you." She says.

It's like something hits me right in the gut when she says this. I missed her I have wanted to see her but it would he too hard.

"The feeling is mutual." I smile

"So anything new." She kids.

"Oh you know same old. What about you."

"School started."

Ah right I forgot cause you are such a youngin." Carter has a late birthday she just turned 18 but couldn't start school because of that.

"Yes." She rolls her eyes.

She smiles. "What do you do for fun around here?"

"What do you mean?"

"They give you free time right?"

"Sort almost every minute is planned out."

"So what do you do with yours?"

"I have this journal." I say. I wrote more in it after lunch probably because I started hearing voices. I wanted them to go away so I wrote what they were yelling at me.

"You gonna become a writer?" She mocks.

I scoff "No."

"Famous writers write things when they are in prison that could be you."

"It's not a prison." I say.

"Whatever you need to tell yourself." She smiles

"Finally someone who agrees with me."

"I'm sure Emily does as well."

"It's nice to hear someone else say it." I smile

"So this journal what's it say."

I grab it and show it to her. I only show her the pages with the voices, I don't want her to see the columns and her name with a question mark. That would just confuse her.

"Interesting." She says "Is it suppose to mean something?"

"No, those are um."

She looks at me.

"Things I hear."

"The voices." She says

"Yes the voices."

"They sound mean."

I shrug.

"Do you hear these all the time?"

"Only when I feel uncomfortable, which in this place happens daily so yes all the time."

She looks up at me.

"So do you hear them now"

"Of course not, I feel safe with you." I smile

"Good I'm glad."

She leans against me and laces her fingers with mine

"I don't like seeing you like this." She says.

"That makes two of us. I don't want this, I just want..."

I don't know what I want ,I know I don't want this but I feel…

She turns her head and looks at me. "What do you just want?"

"I…

"Dylan." She looks into my eyes.

"What do you want?" She asks me again.

"To not be here." I say.

"I want that too."

She looks at me strangely and leans in. I think she is going to kiss me. That's what I want, I want her.

Her lips briefly touch mine but then I back away from her.

"What?" She says confused

"I can't… I don't know how to deal with that right now or anything really."

She smiles

"You don't have to." She says and leans against my shoulder.

"My mind is already messed up I can't deal with wondering what the hell this is." I motion to us holding hands

She smiles

"I'm sorry..."

"It's okay Carter."

She looks at me like a I'm a puppy.

"Don't look at me like that."

"Should I just close my eyes then?" She smiles.

"Don't be a wise ass." I tell her.

She smiles.

"I should visit you every day ."

"You can't."

"Why not?"

"I only can see visitors Tuesday Thursday and Sunday."

"Well I will clear my schedule for those days. I don't even stay here and I already want to leave. They give you this bullshit that it's helping you but I don't think it is." She smiles.

"It isn't. I see things more often and they give me these strange drugs." I say. I don't know if I'm supposed to tell her about them. I'm thinking I'm not but I don't care.

"What are they?"

"I don't know but they make me high."

"Well maybe you become Billy Fizskin supplier." She smiles

Billy Fizskin is a boy we go to school with. He is from the upper level and he has fancy stuff imported from the Capitol, like medication. He makes a drug cocktail and sells it to people. It gets you high and apparently he laces it with something so you can get an addiction very easily. This make people keep going back to get more. Almost everyone in school knows about this, I'm sure the teachers do also but they probably don't care.

"I'm sure he already has one." I smile.

"You think he doesn't get in trouble because he is from the upper level?"

"Probably. Do you know anyone from there?" I ask her

"Not really why?"

"There's this girl in here, when she found out I was the new victor she completely lost it. She kept wanting to know how I killed all of them. It reminded me of people in the Capitol."

My grip on her hand tightens because I'm feeling uncomfortable just remembering her.

She looks at me.

"It's okay." She tells me.

"Not really."

She smiles "It will be and I thought we already knew upper level citizens where like that."

"I knew they liked it but I didn't think it was that much."

"You know, I think they wish they were Capitol citizens." She says.

"Maybe." I smile

It is silent. I just like her being close to me, holding my hand, and leaning against me. I like moments like this but I

"You know I've been thinking about you a lot recently."

She smiles

"Really what do you think about?"

"All sorts of things. In therapy they want us to write down regrets and positive things we have had in our life. They give us things related to us, I don't know where they get the info, it doesn't matter. I never know where to put you though."

"Do you regret being my friend?"

"Of course not."

"Oh you mean..."

"Yes."

"I don't."

"That's because you didn't want me like I did."

"I know... I think you always wanted more."

"Maybe subconsciously."

"Dylan come on." She scoffs and smiles at me.

"What?"

"You knew I could tell after a few times… that it meant more to you."

"I…" I don't know how to respond.

"I should've cut it off."

"It doesn't matter. What's done is done."

"I've been thinking about you too."

"Really."

She nods.

"What?"

"How I should've spent more time with you after the games."

"Well I didn't really want to talk with anyone. It was hard just speaking with Emily."

"I know but…"

"But?"

"When you left to die... I just wanted to tell you... that I missed you and when I thought you were going to die. I just kept thinking about how I wish I could spend more time with you and that I just…" she trails off.

"What?"

"I don't know."

She leans in and kisses me but this time I don't push her away. I kiss her back. Kissing her is like when two magnets meet each other. It is almost unbreakable.

Her fingers run through my hair and for a second I forget where I am and everything that has happened.

I hear a loud bang which startles both of us. It was the door opening.

"Miss. Darling your time is now up."

"That was not two hours." She says

"Yes well you are presenting a dangerous act."

"Dangerous act? What were you listening to this conversation?"

"Yes we-"

"No wonder this places makes you worse they never leave you alone." She says ignoring the guard.

"It's for there safety." The man says.

"People are already thinking someone watches them 24/7 when nothing is there but, you are watching them. Don't you think that is hypercritical?""

"Just come with me Miss. Darling."

"It's fine Carter you can see me on Thursday." I tell her.

"Actually she can't." The man says.

"What I'm being blacklisted because I kissed him?"

"Yes, Mr. Watt can't deal with that right now."

"You're saying what he can and cannot deal with. What did you brainwash him as well?" She looks to me "Dylan you can't stay here."

"Tell me about it."

The guard comes over here and grabs her arm.

"Don't touch me." She shoves away the man.

"Just go I will see you…"

"Dylan." She kisses me again and the man drags her away.

"I would say sorry but you hate that." She smiles

"I do." I say but she's already gone. I touch my lips and can still feel her presences there.

I want to get out of here.

Just one more week and you will be out of here and you can see Emily and talk more with Carter. I think to myself.

I have a feeling that she wants more now maybe it took me almost dying for her to see it.

**A/N: Thank you for reading! I hope you are enjoying it!**


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

I get up and do the usual routine. Breakfast was interesting today because someone had an attack and keep punching a wall until there hand started to bleed. Jacob was looking at the girl strangely when this happened. I thought he would be used to it by now, he has been in here for a while.

I get taken to see Stephanie. Today is Saturday and I have not been told anything about leaving for my Victory Tour. I'm starting to think I won't be leaving. I push that thought from my mind because that cannot happen, it has never happened and it could give the people an idea to do something.

"Hello Dylan how are you today?" She asks

"Alright I guess, I saw this girl punch a wall at breakfast until her hand started to bleed. It was interesting." I say.

"Do you fear that could be you one day."

"No... I just found it interesting." I say.

She nods. "Do you have the notebook of things I asked you to fill out."

"Yes." I say and hand it to her.

She opens it and looks at it strangely.

"Why are Pennilyn and Carter off to the side with lots of question marks?"

"I didn't know where to place them." I mumble.

"Well, Carter came to visit you yesterday and I was told that you two shared an embrace."

"You mean the kiss?" I say confused.

"Yes that? Did you like that she kissed you?"

"I... guess. What does it matter she can't visit me anymore."

"Well, we thought she would present a dangerous act to your psyche right now. She does have a very fiery personality which may not be the best right now."

I smile

"But, that is how Carter is and I like that, she doesn't take shit from anyone."

"Well she may not take _shit _from anyone but, that isn't good for you right now. Maybe if she can change she will be let back in."

"But, I can't kiss her?"

"No. We have all discussed this and we feel that type of relationship will be harmful to you."

"I'm locked up anyways I don't think I'm going to make a love connection with someone in here but, you shouldn't be able to tell me what I can and cannot do." I say rather angrily.

She flashes a devilish smile.

"We can Mr. Watt the courts have surrendered your rights to us. We get to decided what is best for you and seeing that girl-

"Carter." I interrupt

"Fine seeing _Carter _is dangerous besides, you don't know where to place her and that is saying a lot."

"What do you mean?"

"It means that you don't know where to place her meaning she causes chaos in your life and you thoughts."

"But, I like that." I smile "I like her, I want her."

"Well, you can but she is not good for you and that is why we aren't letting you see her. Do you understand?"

"I understand what you are saying but, I think you are wrong." I say.

"Well, you can think that but, most of the patients think this but trust us Dylan it is."

"Whatever." I say

"What about Pennilyn?"

"I don't know where to place her because she is my sisters friend." I say. I don't want to say I feel guilty that I don't like her. Maybe they will try and make me love Pennilyn.

"I see." She smiles.

"Well, that is good." She flips through more pages.

"I'm assuming these threats on the paper our the voices you hear."

"Yes."

"Do you hear these a lot?"

"Only when I feel uncomfortable but, since I have been hear I can always hear the faint screams of the tributes being burned alive."

"I see, well maybe we can get you some medication to help you."

"No more medication."

"It's to help you."

"I don't want it."

"I know you think that but...

"Yes, yes you think it is best for me." I say sarcastically.

"Correct, now it is time for you to leave for group therapy, unless you have questions?"

"I actually have one question Stephanie."

"Alright." She says and smiles. I never ask questions because I just want to get away from her but, I have to know the answer.

"My Victory Tour is supposed to be starting tomorrow I was jut wondering when I will be leaving."

"Oh don't worry that has been taken care of." She says not looking up from my notebook.

"What do you mean?" I say confused.

"Your Victory Tour has been cancelled so you can stay here." She looks at me smiling.

"What do you mean cancelled? You can't do that!" I shout.

"It has already been done. President Snow signed off on it earlier today." She says smugly.

"I don't believe you." I tell her.

"We thought you might say that so we have a copy of the document." She pulls something out of her folder. "Here you go."

She hands me a piece of paper that is hand written and looks very formal it reads

_After careful consideration it has been determined that the victor of the 62nd Hunger Games -Dylan Watt- has been suspended from the duties of a victor. Many specialist in the filed of mental health feel that Dylan Watt is unfit to be around copious amounts of people. They feel that attending celebrations would have a negative effect on his psyche. The specialists also feel that this would pose a threat to the people attending. The courts are in favor of this motion_

I look to the bottom and see lots of signatures. They all have been dated on the day it was signed. Most of them were after I was in here for a week but President Snow's was signed only today. A day before the tour is suppose to start.

"What took him so long?" I ask

"I beg your pardon?" Stephanie says confused.

"President Snow why did it take him so long to sign off on this?"

"Well he wants his victors to be in the spotlight and shown off as the stars they are. It took him awhile to see things _our_ way."

The way she says _our way_ causes a shiver to run down my spine. I'm getting a feeling that President Snow wanted me to have a Victory Tour but, the people at the mental hospital wouldn't let him. But since he is the president he should be able to get whatever he wants, shouldn't he?


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

I get taken to group therapy and notice Sarah -the girl who tried to kill her mother and sister- isn't here.

"Where's Sarah?" I ask. I don't really care because she makes me feel extremely uncomfortable but, you aren't allowed to miss group therapy. Even when Karla was throwing up they made her come here.

"She wasn't feeling well." The supervisor says.

"But Karla was here a few days ago and she was throwing up." I say confused.

"She has been having lots of _episodes_ recently."

"Yeah right." I hear Jacob mutter. I don't think anyone else heard him.

"Do you have a problem that she isn't here Dylan?" The woman asks.

"No, I'm just curious." I tell her. I don't know why people always think I have a problem when I ask a question.

"Well she is fine when I see her later I will tell her that you missed her." She smiles

"You don't have to do that." I don't miss her. Every time we are in here she talks about blood hitting her face and wants me to talk about killing people. She knows most of the people I killed died from a fire. I got so angry I ended up shouting at her, then they gave me a weird shot where I was loopy for the rest of the day.

Today we don't have art therapy we have outside time and we only get supervised by one nurse. Thankfully Mabel is the one 'watching' us. Mabel leaves us alone and doesn't watch us very closely she just lets us be. She also doesn't give us pills that make you go off to la la land even though she is supposed to.

We walk outside and are taken to the porch. I can see the ocean from here and wish I could run out of here and stroll down the beach.

I lean against the banner and Jacob comes up next to me.

"So if you're Victory Tour is tomorrow why are you still soon here?"

"Yes well that has been taken care of." I say angrily

"I figured that would happen."

"Why?" I say confused.

"Dylan, have you not learned anything since you have been here?" He asks surprised.

"Well something strange is going on if that is what you mean."

"That is the understatement of the year."

"What do you mean?"

"Dylan all the things you think they are doing they are. Those visions you see in your therapy sessions are real. That's why you have the injection marks, cuts, and burn marks after the vision is over and that is why the therapists look so pleased."

"Who knows about this?" I ask him.

"Everyone." He tells me

"There's no way they can't all…

"Everyone Dylan. They all know and they report back to our beloved Capitol." He says with disgust.

"Do all the patients too?"

"The ones that aren't too far gone."

"Too far gone?"

"Not when they check in. Once you say in long enough you start to believe that what they did to you never happened."

"How long have you been here?"

"A year." He looks at me gravely

"How long do you think I will be here?"

He sighs.

"Dylan don't you see you're like us."

"What are you talking about?"

"You didn't get out for your Victory Tour. You are never leaving this place. You are never getting out of here."

"But I'm a victor."

"Apparently that doesn't mean jack shit. If it did you would be on your Victory Tour now."

"Does this happen in the other Districts?"

"How the hell would I know, I've never been to one. I doubt they do it to the poorer ones, they just want them to die out like the lower level."

"Capitol citizens expect to see me though mentoring and-

"On a Victory Tour?" He looks at me.

"You're never going to leave. Our grand old President has been trying to break you out after he found out you were in here longer than 72 hours. He knows this place causes damage on the psyche because he knows what goes on in here. If the President can't even get you out, you're fucked just like the rest of us."

"But this is run by the government." I say confused.

"I don't know Dylan, all I do know is that we are never leaving and some of those pills they give us aren't to make us happy. Some of them are to make us see things that aren't there."

"What do you mean? I saw things before."

"As much as you do now?"

"I…" I usually heard voices seeing people was rare but, now I seem to always see Elena.

"They are trying to make our worse fears come to life. Psychological tricks that they can use later in the Hunger Games or for captured citizens. If you get taken to the pink room forget it your mind is now there's"

"What's the pink room?"

"The room where they make their thoughts yours. They do it with venom from mutts.

"What do you mean?"

"You hear of tracker jackers?"

"The bugs their venom causes pain, hallucinations, and death if you are exposed too much

"Correct. They inject the venom into your blood stream and let it take effect, then they alter your memories and change reality. They could make you believe that your best friend is trying to kill you, so you will kill them. Once that happens they own you for the rest of this pitiful life."

"How do you know this? Have you been taken to the pink room?"

"No but everyone knows about it. You can always tell when someone has just gotten out because they look like hell. They have so many outburst you can practically smell the crazy on them. If there was ever a revolution they could use it to make the rebels think that the Capitol is right."

"How do they choose these people?"

"They take the patients that are hard to deal with."

My mind goes back to group therapy. I got told Sarah wasn't there because she was having many outburst.

"Is that what happened to Sarah? Did she get taken to the pink room?"

"I think so. She is considered a difficult patient because she makes everyone uncomfortable and to my knowldege she has never had an outburst. She is in here because she tried to kill her mother and sister."

"Does it always work?"

"What?" He asks confused.

"The stuff they do in the pink room?"

"No but, sometimes it works too well and they can no longer control them. They are pretty much all mutt and just want to destroy everything. If that happens you get taken to the green room."

"What happens there?"

"They inject you with something and you die."

"Are these rooms in that hallway where people are always screaming and the break out rate is the highest."

"That's the one. It could be considered torture but, they don't try this at the Justice Building because that is supposed to be hush hush."

"Right like the torture people there." I scoff.

"You'll see it my way one day." He says.

"But what about the people who care about them? Surely if they just said they were dead...

"They tell them that they can't be seen anymore because they are too dangerous."

"What and they just believe it?" I say shocked.

"Some people do hire lawyers but it doesn't matter. No matter what happens you will never leave here."

"I don't believe you."

He smiles

"That's because you don't want to."

"Well what about Mabel I don't think she knows about this she's so nice."

"She does. She didn't at first. She started asking questions. Then she found out about the pink and green rooms. She was going to go to the mayor to get it shut down. Of course that was a mistake that she regrets."

"Why?"

"She had a daughter that probably would be your age now. She would come here to volunteer, she would only go to Ward A though. Expect one day someone said that they needed help in Ward C. They wanted her to see everything. They showed her around. Showed her the patients, rooms, therapists, and the final stop… the green room. They killed her so Mabel would stop asking questions. Now she's just nice to everyone because she knows we all might die."

"Why didn't they kill her?"

"I don't know they probably thought that was worse."

"This is...

"Crazy." He finishes for me.

"This isn't right."

"Wake up Dylan, you've been here for a month you're probably going to be here a hell of a lot longer. The shit they are pulling on you now is child's play to what people who have been here for a year and up. You will know in due time."

"I can't stay here that long."

"You don't have a choice, we are all cogs in some elaborate plan that the Capitol has. I don't know what it is and I don't want to find out. Most of the other Districts don't even have a hospital which is why I believe this only happens in 4. I guess even though they tell all of Panem if you become a victor you will be alright but for you that doesn't mean anything. I wonder if the other victors have these problems. I wonder if they are owned."

"I'm not owned." I say defensively.

"Owned, controlled, slave whatever you want to call it."

"That's not me."

"Whatever you need to tell yourself." He smiles

I shake my head "No."

"Yes."

"No, I'm not going to be here forever!" I shout.

"Outside time is up." Mabel says interrupting us.

I go back to my room and start writing in my note pad. They readings of a crazy person most of them are just words. _Green_,_pink_,_Capitol_, _victor_, and _crazy_. Since I was in the Hunger Games it isn't that strange for me to be writing these things.

"No, no." I whisper to myself.

I don't want this to be true, I have wanted there to be color in this place but, apparently if you see color then your life is pretty much over. They can't be doing this. They cannot be doing this.

I turn off the lights and sit in the corner rocking back and forth with my knees pressed to my chest. I expect someone to come in here, either to drug me or take me out to do group therapy again but, no one comes. I just sit here alone, afraid that I will never be let out and that this will be my resting cell for the rest of my life. If they won't let me out for my Victory Tour why would they let me out at all.

I don't want to believe that and I don't want to believe all of the terrible things Jacob told me. I can't process it. I don't think they would take someone to a room and kill them or worse turn them into mutts. A shiver runs down my spine at the thought. I head to my bed and crawl under the covers trying to hide from this terrible world.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

It's been a week since I got told I couldn't leave for my Victory Tour and I hate it. I keep thinking that I am going to die in here. I am also trying to find a rational reason on why President Snow couldn't get me out of here.

I'm starting to think what Jacob told me is true because when Sarah came back she has a strange look in her eyes. She always looks angry as if she wants to make a kill. She also has lots of outburst. I almost want to see the pink and green rooms but, I know nothing good will come from it. I want to see color so badly but, I know if I get taken to those rooms it could be my death sentence.

I am in my room waiting because I am supposed to get visitors in ten minutes and in ten minutes Emily comes in.

"Dylan." She says and runs over to hug me.

"Hi."

"They told me you aren't going on your Victory Tour. Why is this?"

"That's what they told me and I don't know."

"You've been in here almost two months, do you know when you will be able to leave or if you will at all?" She says with tears forming in her eyes.

"I get to leave to mentor."

"That's almost a year away." She whispers

"I know."

"What if they put you back here when it's over."

"I didn't think of that."

The room starts to feel small and my palms start to sweat.

Emily squeezes my hand.

"It's okay." She smiles

"If you could be with me I would be fine." I tell her.

"Well apparently they think that would be bad because you'll become too dependent of me."

"It's not helping. I think they're making it worse." I say.

"You're alright." She says.

I lean against her and have a few tears drip down my face.

"You're crying." She says surprised

"Sorry."

"No it's fine, it's just usually when I come see you you're… happy, really happy."

"I didn't take my meds today." I say.

"You seem normal they shouldn't give you those."

"I agree. I don't like them but I don't get a say."

"Couldn't you just pretend to take them." She says

"I've tried they check to make sure you swallow it."

"But you're loopy all the time almost as if you are on some strange drug trip."

"That's what it feels like everything around me makes me happy, everything I touch feels amazing, I feel as if nothing could hurt me and I want to share my deepest secrets with people. I don't like it because I feel depressed afterwards."

"That sounds... interesting."

"Afterwards I feel so sad I just want more. I think I am developing an addiction to the stuff."

"They should stop giving it to you then, do you tell people this."

"They don't care."

"They should or at least find a different drug. Do you even need to be medicated?"

"I don't think so, I think they do it so they don't have to deal with us."

She shakes her head. "It shouldn't be like this. Maybe I could hire a lawyer and try to get you out of here."

"I have been ordered to stay here by practically all of District 4 until I'm not a 'threat' to the community. I don't think hiring a lawyer to get me out of here will work. They all think I'm crazy."

"You're not crazy." She tells me gently.

"I know but they all think that, that's why I'm still here."

It is silent.

"Do people say things to you?" I ask her.

"Say things? Like what?" She says confused.

"About me?"

"It doesn't matter."

"What do they say?" I ask angrily

"They think I should stop seeing you and they think I could be crazy because of heredity."

"This isn't a gene thing it's a I killed 22 people thing." I say and a strange noise escapes my mouth.

"You're okay Dylan, it's fine." She squeezes my hand but, the room starts spinning and I can't focus. If I don't calm down she will have to leave and this makes it harder.

Emily starts rubbing my back and starts humming a song that sounds familiar. After a minute I start to calm down.

"Why can't you always be here." I say with my chin trembling.

"Because I can't." She says with a tear rolling down her cheek. I hug her.

"This place seems more like a prison." She says

"You don't have to convince me." I shake my head "How are you?"

"Okay."

"Why do I only get two hours with you."

"It's better than nothing." She smiles at me.

"Yes seeing you six hours a week is so much better." I say sarcastically.

It is silent.

"How's Carter?" I ask her.

"Mmmh I was wondering if you would ask about her. She got kicked out apparently for kissing you." She eyes me.

"That's the story." I say.

"Dylan and Carter sitting in a tree

"Please act mature for a minute." I tell her annoyed.

"Never." She says sarcastically. "So are you guys like a thing?"

"I have no idea and right now I can't think of that."

She nods. "She keeps trying to get in here you know."

"Well, they want her to becoming boring so she isn't a threat." I smirk

"Carter boring looks like she isn't going to be seeing you anytime soon." She smiles "Tyler has talked about visiting you though."

"Well, what is stopping him?"

"He isn't sure if you would like it."

"Trust me Emily the more people I talk to from the outside world the better."

"I'll tell him. Maybe you could have another visitor."

"Do you still man the shelter stations?" I ask her.

"Yes."

"Did you get access to my money?"

"That all go sorted I think Mags and James rubbed a few palms to make it happen."

"James?" I say surprised.

"The other male victor."

"I know who he is but, I have never talked to him."

"Well, he is a nice man. I used your money and Duke is building two more houses."

"That's nice." I smile at her.

"Do you stay at my house?"

"No." She says without hesitation. "I hate it there."

"Did you get Duke to fix the foundation of our house then."

"Yes, don't worry. I'm not stupid." She smiles.

The door opens and one of the doctors comes in.

"Miss. Watt you're visiting time is now up."

"Please don't leave." I whisper.

"Can't I stay a bit longer he doesn't have any other visitors waiting does he?" She asks.

"No, but it is the principle. We can't just let you stay it could be disastrous. It could also have negative effects on your brother."

"No, it won't." She says annoyed.

"Miss. Watt please say goodbye. Don't make us forcefully remove you." He says nicely which irritates me.

She hugs me and when she looks up tears are forming in her eyes.

"Don't go." I say loudly this time.

"I have to. I'm so sorry Dylan." She says and tears start to fall out of her eyes.

The doctor comes over and grabs her arm and starts to take her from the room. She breaks away from his grasp and comes over and hugs me again.

"You'll be okay." She kisses my cheek.

"Miss. Watt." the doctor says impatiently .

"I love you. I'll see you on Thursday."

The doctor comes and grabs her and takes her from the room.

"No, Emily"

"I'm so sorry." She says with more tears forming in her eyes and few escape as she gets dragged from the room.

"Please don't go. Don't leave me alone." I whisper to myself and lie down on the bed and a few tears trickle out of my eyes.

I can't stay in here for a year I will become depressed and if they don't have stop taking those drugs I will probably developed a drug addiction if one hasn't started already. I will probably have more panic attacks than I would've if I just stayed out of here. I just want to go home I just want to leave.

* * *

Today I am getting released from the metal hospital. I have been here for almost a year and I think this is the most excited I have been in my life.

Emily walks through the door.

"Are you ready to leave Dylan." She smiles

"Oh you have no idea." I tell Emily.

"Come on let's go home." She tells me.

I take her hand and we leave the hospital. I have a strange sense of freedom wash over me as I leave.

Emily is taking me in the direction of the lower level which I am thankful for. I don't want to go back to the Victors Village that is the reason why I was locked up for a year and it is also a reminder that I killed twenty-two people.

We get to the lower level and I have never been so happy to see this place. I always wanted to live in the middle level when I was growing up because I wanted to be like everyone else. Now I want to live here for the rest of my life and never leave but sadly that is my reality.

We walk to our house and sit at the table.

"Welcome home!" She exclaims with glee.

"I love it here." I tell her.

"I can tell that you mean that." She says surprised.

"I never want to leave again." I tell her

She hugs me.

"Me too." She says.

"Mags says she wants to talk with you tomorrow because you have something called a mentors meeting. I think it has to do with the Huger Games." She says.

"Probably mentoring I have to mentor this year hopefully I get to pick who goes with me."

"I hope so too." She smiles

We stay up a few hours and talk and then we go to bed.

After a few hours I hear screaming a building probably collapsed. I go outside to see what it is. A building didn't collapse the whole lower level is on fire.

"Dylan! Dylan! Wake up! Wake up!"

I bolt up.

"Don't hurt me!" I shout out.

"I'm not going to hurt you you're safe here." Emily says

"Emily what are you doing here?" I ask confused.

"I live here Dylan. You were released today remember." She says confused.

I close my eyes and shake my head. I open my eyes and see my house in the lower level. I feel dizzy all of a sudden.

"Oh right."

"Why did you think I was going to hurt you? Is that what they did when you were in there?"

"Was I screaming?" I ask

"Crying is more like it." She says sadly.

"They would've came into my room and ask me a lot of questions that have nothing to do with my nightmare and it would just confuse me. Then they would drug me because I didn't understand what they wanted. The next day I would wake up midday groggy and confused."

"Well that's not going to happen here. Why don't you just go back to sleep." Emily tell me gently.

"Okay." I whisper.

* * *

I head to the Justice Building to go to the mentors meeting. Mags said it is a meeting to decided who gets to mentor for the Hunger Games and because I won I automatically get to mentor. The only problem is figuring out who is going with me.

The games start next week and apparently they have to fill out some paperwork so it is official. I'm nervous because I don't know what to expect and I fear that I will have to go with a Marina.

I get to the Justice Building and get escorted by a peacekeeper to a room with a long table. I can see James and Mags and a woman in the corner with a type writer.

"Hello Dylan." Mags tells me.

"Hi." I say softly. She visited me in the mental hospital but I'm feeling uncomfortable I don't know if it is because James is here or if it is related to the Hunger Games but I just want to get back to the lower keel and be with Emily.

James smiles at me but doesn't say anything. I'm assuming Mags told him that would be for the best.

"Who's that woman in the corner?" I ask confused.

"She is here to document the meeting so it is on official." Mags says.

"Oh." I say confused

"It's to make sure we can't change our minds." James says.

"Oh." I say again.

I look down at my hands and wait go Marina to show up. I can feel a tightness in my chest from the fear of seeing Marina again. I start to feel dizzy and place my hands on my forehead.

"Are you alright Dylan?" Mags asks me concerned.

"Yes it's just Marina."

"Oh, did you miss me." Marina smirks and sits across from me.

"No." I mutter

The woman goes over to the door and closes it.

"Alright now that all of the victors are here we can begin. We are here to determine the mentors for the 63rd Hunger Games and because Dylan Watt is the newest victor he will be going to mentor. Now you must decide who is going with him, the mentoring meeting will now begin."The woman says.

"I'm surprised you can go. What has it been a few hours since they let you out." Marina smiles

"It doesn't matter." James tells her.

"It's probably because he couldn't go his Victory Tour. That is also a new record set by the marvelous Dylan Watt." Marina says

"Marina please don't be like this." Mags tells her

"Why not? He murdered all of them." She smiles evilly at me.

I faintly start to hear the screams. I put my elbows on the table and rub my temples.

I can hear Marina say something and laugh.

"Dylan"

I jump at the sound of my name. Mags was talking to me.

"What?" I tell her confused.

"You're alright." She tells me but sounds unsure.

"I know." I say unsure.

Mags smiles at me.

"Crazy." Marina says and moves her pointer finger in a circle

"Please don't say that." I mutter "I don't like it."

"Why? That is what everyone thinks when they see you, either that or they are afraid of you." She sneers "Besides why else would were you locked up in the crazy hut for almost a year." She laughs

I don't know how to respond because it is the truth. I was already avoided being from the lower level so that doesn't bother me. What bothers me are the stares and whispers. I know what they are all saying the same thing but sometimes I think they're right. Sometimes I think I am crazy.

"Can we just move this along. Do I pick or something?" I say confused.

"We all have to agree." Mags says and glares at Marina.

"Can I just go with you." I tell her.

I don't know James and considering I can barely hold a conversation with this many people in the room I think being with someone I like will be better than a stranger.

"No." Marina says.

I glare at her from across the table

"Why?"

"Because I'm going with you."

"No!" I shout. Which surprises me.

"I would rather go with James than you." I look to him "No offense." It sounds like I think he is a bad person.

"It's alright." He smiles at me.

He seems like a nice person. I would probably be alright if I went with him, Marina would just make it a living hell.

"We are going to be here a while then." Marina says

"Just let him go with who he wants to." James tells her angrily.

"No he deserves to be punished."

"Haven't I had enough." I say. "As you so kindly pointed out I have been entrapped in a room and constantly medicated for almost a year. I have barely been outside in that amount of time as well. I still hear them screaming and I can't sleep at night because of it. The only reason I am out of there is because of this... Hunger Games. I wouldn't be surprised after this is all over I get sent right back there." I say. It is the truth.

It is silent for a few minutes. They probably don't know how to respond.

"Well if they did lock you back in there they would be doing us all a favor." She smirks.

"Honestly Marina don't you have any compassion." James looks at her annoyed

"I do but not for someone who killed my niece."

"I didn't kill her!" I shout. "She was the only person I didn't."

"She was supposed be in your seat. You said you would kill yourself for her and yet here you are still breathing... until you follow through you will never be forgiven."

"I didn't kill her." I say again "She got sliced in the throat from the boy from ten. I have nightmares of her dying in front of me all the time. I'm not going to justify what happened in that arena because there were things out of my control. Stop being bitter and accept what happened." I tell her

She smiles "Shouldn't I be telling that to you. You wouldn't have been locked up if you accepted what happened."

"I have. I killed 22 people. You happy I said it. It is on an official government document none the less. I know what I did. I wish I was in denial then I wouldn't hear them screaming all the time. I wouldn't hear them getting burned to death again." I say

"Stop this Marina just let him go with me and we can all leave. You won't have to see him until next year." Mags tells her angrily

"No, I'm not leaving. Not until she says I'm going with him." She motions to the woman in the corner.

"Isn't there a time limit or something?" I ask.

"No." The woman says. "The longest one has been ten hours. That was in District 1 they all want to go and don't know how to make a schedule or something." She says and goes back to typing.

"Ten hours hmm You like breaking records. I tell you what if we stay in here longer than that I will let you take whoever you want." Marina says and smiles at me

I can't stay in here that long. I can't stay cooped up in rooms for longer than an hour because of the mental hospital. It makes me feel trapped.

"Well it looks like we will just wait it out." She smiles

"Honestly Marina. We are resulting to this." James says sadly.

"Why not it shows how badly he wants it." She says proudly.

No one says anything. I think they are both willing to stay here that long for me but I don't think I will be able to.

After forty five minutes I start to feel uncomfortable and start rocking back and forth slightly.

"Looks like he is going to crack." Marina says

Mags and James weren't paying attention but now both of them are looking at me. Which is making this worse.

"Stop looking." I say and they do.

I feel a bit better but keep rocking back and forth. After twenty minutes it is getting harder and the room feels smaller. I start twirling my shirt to keep my mind distracted.

Twenty more minutes and I hear someone knock on the door. I look to everyone else and they don't seem to have noticed.

"Who's there?" I ask

"What do you mean." Marina asks confused.

James and Mags look confused also.

"That knocking at the door." They look at me strangely. "You can't hear that?" I ask

"No." Mags says sadly.

I must be hearing things. The knocking gets louder. I just want to open the door to see who is there.

Who is there? Why do they want to come in here? I think to myself.

I put my face down on the table hoping that will drown out the knocking but it doesn't.

"At least we have some entertainment." Marina laughs

I can hear someone sigh.

The knocking goes away and I feel relieved. It is short lived though because five minutes later it looks like the walls are closing in on us almost like they are going to collapse.

"No!" I shout out

Everyone is looking at me again.

"I need to get out of here!" I shout and start to panic. "I'm going die if I don't. I need to leave."

James and Mags look worried but Marina is just laughing.

"I need to leave." I stand up.

"Sit back down Mr. Watt a decision has not been made." The woman says

I don't care. What she says I need to get out of here. It feels as if I can't breathe.

I try to open the door but it is locked. Flash backs of me being in the metal hospital come and the panicking gets worse.

Someone is going to kill me in here, Why else would they have us trapped. I think to myself.

"They're going to kill us. Why else would we be locked in here."

"Dylan it's so we can't leave before the decision is made no one is going to kill us." Mags tells me gently

"No it's not."

I can see Marina smiling at me. There is only one way I will be getting out of this room.

"I'll do whatever you want!" I shout at Marina. "I need to get out of here." I say almost crying. "I need to get out."

"This is more entertaining." She smiles.

"Marina you are getting what you want just vote so we can leave." James says angrily

"Let's wait a few more minutes I want to see what happens." She smiles

And we do. I have given up on trying to open the door. The screams start and I get down on my hands and knees and put my hands over my ears to block out the sound. It feels like an entirety. I think it has only been a few seconds

"Stop, Stop leave me alone." I whisper to myself.

I can hear both of them shouting at Marina. I don't know what they are saying. I can just hear the screams of the dead tributes and they are getting louder.

"I need to get out of here!" I shout again. I feel like I am back in the mental hospital. I start rocking back and forth. I start humming the song Emily does to get me to calm down. After a few seconds I feel calmer. The screams are no longer there but I still feel the need to get out of here. I sit up and glare at Marina she has a smile on her and seems pleased with her. James is glaring at her and Mags is looking at me.

"Are you alright." Mags asks me

"I have to get out of here." I say. I don't shout it this time it is more of a whispering beg.

She nods. Marina doesn't look like she wants to let me out. I look at her this time.

"Let me out of here." I say to her

"I want to see more. I'm interested." She smiles

"I'm not some show you can watch. Besides, if you wait too log I will just pass out from fear. Please just let me leave." I beg her.

"Pass out from fear now that is something I would pay to see."

Looks like telling her that was a mistake. If she doesn't let me out in ten minutes she will see another show and those ones are more intense. I would probably pass out from the fear. It has happened before my body can't handle it.

"Marina." Mags say in an angry tone

"Maybe this parlor trick will help him get back into the nut house, then he wouldn't have to go to the Hunger Games."

"Like that will happen." I scoff

"Shouldn't you sit up here with the rest of us."

"What's the point if you're just going to keep me in here the process will start all over again."

"Interesting."

"Please let me go." I beg her again I'm starting to panic again.

"Yes let us go." James says

"Let him go Marina." Mags says

She smiles "Nope."

My breathing accelerates and my heart is beating as if it will come out of my chest. I can feel my palms starting to sweat. I can feel my temples throbbing. I notice I am shaking slightly and think I might pass out. My mind is blank all I feel is pure terror. I don't even know where I am anymore. I'm just sitting and all around me is blackness.

My body eventually calms down and I realize where I am. It feels like I just completed a marathon because my body was on overdrive because of the panic attack.

"Now that was a show." She smiles

"This could be considered torture Marina." James tells her clearly angry.

James is an alright guy. He seems nice anyways.

"Fine let's vote." She smiles smugly

"Do you all agree that Marina will be the other mentor for the 63rd Hunger Games."

"Yes." Marina says

James sighs "Unfortunately yes."

Mags looks at me she wants me to answer first.

"Yes." I say softly

"Fine. She can go." Mags says angrily

"Alright the mentoring meeting is over you are free to leave."

She gets up and heads to the door.

"Excuse Mr. Watt I need to unlock this." She says and smiles at me

I move a little and she unlocks the door. I push her out of the way and run out the door. Once I get outside I kneel on the ground.

"You're alright. It's okay." I say to myself.

"Dylan." Emily comes over to me. "What's wrong?" She ask worried

"See you next week." Marina shouts at me.

I flinch when she says this.

Emily looks at her angrily I think she wants to go over there but I grab her wrist.

"Don't leave." I tell her.

"I'm not going anywhere." She says and hugs me. "Lets get you up. You will feel better once we're home."

She gets me up and we walk home. I never want to see Marina again but, in seven days I will be stuck with her for a few weeks and I will be in the Capitol. Just thinking about this is making me panic. I try and push the thoughts to the back of my mind but, that doesn't matter because I will have to face it eventually.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

"Welcome everyone to the reaping for the 63rd Hunger Games." Julius beams.

He has pink hair this year and looks as white as a sheet I think it is dyed because it looks unnatural. He is also wearing a ridiculous pink suit that has thousands of sequins on it. It causes a ridiculous glare on the screens from the sun.

"Now before all the fun begins let's introduce our victors."

I breathe in and out, I don't want to be in front of all of these people. I couldn't sleep at all this week my mind wouldn't shut off because I kept thinking about being with Marina and being in the Capitol. My palms are starting to sweat just from the thought of it.

He says my name and I walk my on the stage and see looks of disgust of the citizens from District 4. I suddenly feel the urge to throw up, I just want to crawl into a hole and hide from the world for the rest of my life.

I suddenly feel a shaking on my shoulder.

"Dylan are you alright?" Mags asks me.

"Yes, what happened? Why didn't Julius call the names yet?"

"He did a few minutes ago they are already in the Justice Building to say goodbye to their loved ones."

"Oh... I."

"You were probably just staring off into space it's alright." She smiles at me. "You should be heading to the train station now though."

I open my mouth and a strange noise comes out it's probably from fear and I have a tight feeling in my chest.

"It's okay Dylan just ignore what Marina says to you." She smiles at me.

I close my eyes and nod.

Mags smiles at me sadly. She gets me out of my seat and takes me to the train station.

"Bye." I tell her.

"Don't let her get to you Dylan you'll be okay." She puts her hand on my cheek and smiles.

"Okay." I whimper.

I get on the train and head to the main car and I sit on the couch. I place my elbows on my knees and my hands on my temples. Last time I was on this train I thought I was going to die and I wasn't very nervous. Now, I'm nervous and afraid of what might happen, it's ironic because I didn't feel this way last year.

I hear a loud clatter and Marina comes in here.

"Listen up crazy, I don't want you screaming the whole time we ride to the Capitol please try and control yourself this time." She tells me.

"I can't really...

"No excuses and stop crying the tributes are supposed to be a nervous wreck not the mentors."

I touch my cheek I didn't even realize I was crying.

"But...

"Listen crazy...

"Stop calling me that."

"I can call you whatever I want." She smiles.

I breathe in and out. I'm feeling uncomfortable and a little scared.

"Oh, what's the matter, you having a panic attack already." She smirks.

"I think the less we talk the better it will be." I say as calmly as possible but my voice sounds shaky.

"I didn't bring you here so I could avoid you. I brought you here so we can have _fun _together." She smiles.

"Please just leave me alone." I say.

"Never." She says and comes up behind me and places her hands on my shoulder which causes me to yelp in fear. Her hands gets closer to my neck and I feel like she is going to strangle me.

My breathing starts to accelerate I want to put my hands on my face but, she is holding me back.

"On this trip Dylan I own you." She whispers in my ear. "Actually for the rest of your pitiful life I do and do you want to know why?"

I don't say anything I'm too afraid.

"Because you are too easy to control."

I'm starting to feel trapped because she won't let go of me, I feel like I'm drowning. I'm struggling to get free but, it is no use. I think I am stronger than her but, the hold she has me in gives me disadvantage and it isn't helping that I'm terrified.

"Let go of me." I tell her.

Her grasp on me tightens.

"Let go of me!" I say again.

I can tell she is smiling. My palms are starting to sweat and I'm starting to hyperventilate.

"Let go of me!" I shout at her in terror.

She does and pushes me onto the floor and I start crying.

"Cry baby." She says.

I hear the door open and try to pull myself together because I know it is probably the tributes but, I can't seem to get up off of the floor. It's as if my muscles have stiffened and are frozen in this state.

"And these will be your mentors... Dylan what's wrong?" Julius asks.

"Dylan doesn't like to travel much such a drama queen." Marina similes

"Oh.. kay." Julius says confused. He knows I was in the mental hospital because of my lack of a Victory Tour I wonder how he will deal with this.

"I doubt that is true, wasn't he in the hospital for a year." The male tribute says.

"It doesn't matter." Julius says confused again. I don't think he knows how to deal with something like this. I don't even know how to deal with this.

I sit up and get off of the floor and I stumble over to the tributes.

"As I was saying these will be your mentors Marina and Dylan. Have you decided which one you would like?" Julius looks at us with uncertainty.

"Come here Nick your mine. You don't want that crazy anyways." She smiles and Nick goes over to her and they head to the dining car.

"Kim that means you get Dylan." Julius says and walks to the dining car as well.

Kim smiles at me.

"Hi, I guess I'm suppose to..." I don't know what I'm supposed to do. "I'm sorry I've never done this before."

"I know you one last year." She tells me.

"Did you volunteer?" I ask her.

She looks at me strangely.

"No... weren't you paying attention." She says annoyed.

"My mind wanders sometimes."

"Great I guess what they say about you is true." She mutters.

"I'm not... did Nick volunteer?"

"Yes, that's probably why Marina wanted him." She says disappointed I can tell she doesn't want me and I don't blame her.

"We should head into the dining car to um... eat or something."

She rolls her eyes and stomps off.

"I'm sorry." I say but, she has already left the room.

We go to sleep and I toss and turn all night. I end up falling asleep but, wake up screaming in an hour. I hear my door open and someone comes into my room.

"I said no screaming." Marina shouts out me.

"I'm sorry." I tell her.

"You are waking up the whole train get your shit together." She tells me and leaves my room.

I curl up into a ball and cry. I want to go home I want to be away from here, I think I would rather be anywhere else.

The rest of the train ride is awful I don't' know what to say or do and I feel helpless for lots of reason. Marina isn't giving me any instructions they might as well sign Kim's death certificate now because Marina wants to train her tribute by herself. It is like she is setting me up to fail and the worst part is I know she is enjoying it.

We get off the train and the tributes head to the makeover station and Julius leads us towards a banquet hall.

"Where are we going? Aren't we suppose to be looking for sponsors?" I ask confused.

"No that comes after the scores Dylan but, there is a small celebration for you because you didn't have a Victory Tour. This gives you a chance to meet some of the other victors." Julius says excited.

"But I don't think..."

"It will be fun." He smiles.

_No it wont_ I think to myself. Being with a decent amount of people scares me. Especially people from the Capitol and the other 46 victors isn't helping.

We get into the room and there are more people than I like. All of the victors are sort of lined up, Julius says there names but I'm not listening or caring. I'm just focusing on keeping it together. I am on the brink of a nervous breakdown and I don't think that will make a good first impression.

"There's only the one from 12 left and he isn't worth meeting. You should mingle and get to know everyone."

"Yes, Dylan get to know everyone." Marina says in a mocking tone. "Maybe you could show them something special." She winks and heads off to be with the people from 2. They seemed as ruthless as her so I'm not surprised.

I'm just standing where Marina and Julius left me. I'm not going to go up to any of them and I hope they don't come to me. I can see them staring at me and I'm starting to feel uncomfortable. I feel the room getting smaller and my palms are starting to sweat.

_They're planning to kill you._ I hear voice hiss

"No" I whisper.

_Yes they are our they want Marina to kill you._

"No." I say not entirely sure.

_Yes and you're never safe._ I hear them laughing at me.

I close my eyes and breathe in and out. I can still hear their laughter. I'm trying to calm myself down I don't want to have a panic attack in front of all these people.

"Leave me alone. Stop talking to me." I whisper.

"Talking to someone?." A man says and it makes me jump.

"I..." I didn't get introduced to him. He doesn't look Capitol he looks a drunk mess.

"Haymitch." He points to himself. "Mentor from District 12 your escort hates me." He smiles "Nice to meet you."

He holds out his hand for me to shake but I flinch away and he looks at me strangely.

"Why don't I show you around?" He says.

I don't say anything I just blindly follow him. He takes us somewhere isolated and I feel better, being away from those people makes me relaxed. Even with this Haymitch person it is better than everything out there.

"Are you alright?" He asks me.

No I want to yell at him.

"Yes." I say.

He doesn't know that I was locked in the mental hospital. They told people why I didn't have a Victory Tour but I don't know what it was. I was told but I was so high I don't even remember. Like most of my days in there. I never asked because I didn't care enough.

"We know." He says

"Know what?"

"Why you really didn't have a Victory Tour."

"I don't know what you're talking about I was…." Now I'm regretting not asking why I didn't have a Victory Tour.

Haymitch shakes his head

"Do you not remember what they told you?" He asks me.

"I..." I don't like this. I'm getting uncomfortable again and all my thoughts are turning into one muddled mess.

I grab the bottom of my shirt and start running it through my fingers. Haymitch doesn't say anything. I think he wants me to talk first. He does have pity in his eyes which I hate.

"I don't want your pity." I tell him firmly.

He smiles.

"How does everyone know I got…

"Not all of victors know just the ones from 3, 7, 8, 11, and myself. Know where you really were."

"Why just a select few."

"It was only shared with the people we liked, besides the longer the people from 1 and 2 don't know the better. They like to play with the broken victors."

"What does that mean?" I ask confused.

"Try and make you break. It's too easy for you." He says sadly

"How did you know about this?" I ask

"Mags told us when you were suppose to be on your Victory Tour. They brought all the victors to the Capitol. It was suppose to be your Capitol celebration. Why isn't she here with you, Marina isn't very nice."

"It's not like she had a say. It's not like I did either." I shutter at the thought of the mentors meeting. Marina forcing me to have a panic attack was terrible. I wish she wasn't with me.

He looks confused. Before anything else can happen a strange woman comes.

"Haymitch there you are. You are supposed to celebrating with everyone else." She says. She has a very shrill voice.

"Right that... the newest victor wanted to talk with me _alone_." He motions towards me.

"Oh Mr. Watt I didn't see you there. I enjoyed your games very much. My name is Effie Trinket. It is a delight to meet you." She comes over and hugs me. My whole body stiffens.

"Can you get off me please." I try to say as polite as possible. She is making me uncomfortable and I don't want to push her off of me. Sometimes I don't even like when Emily hugs me.

"Um yes." She sounds annoyed

"You shouldn't try and cop a feel Effie." Haymitch tells her.

"Haymitch that is not was I doing." She tells me angrily

"Whatever you say." He smiles "We'll head out after this conversation is over."

"Fine." She says and storms out of the room.

"Thank you." I tell him.

"No problem. I think Julius will be looking for you shortly too. You may want to go out there."

"I can't."

"Yes you can." He tells me with compassion.

"No you don't understand…

"That is probably true but you're going to be doing this for awhile. You should get used to it, just ignore them or act undesirable so they will avoid you." He smiles and holds up his bottle.

"It's an act."

She shakes he head "Nah sometimes I'm not as incapacitated as I make people believe."

"Smart." I tell him

"They're not all terrible." He tells me and leaves the room.

I don't care I don't want to be with them. I go to the corner of the room and sit down and put my head on my knees. I don't cry, I just keep wishing I could be somewhere else. I hear footsteps but, I don't bother looking up. I don't care.

"So that new victor I heard he's crazy." Someone says. They obviously didn't see me.

"Didn't you hear Blaze, at the Capitol celebration?" She says.

"Hear what?" He asks confused.

"He was locked up kept hearing voices" She says

"Other people hear voices and they don't get locked up." He says confused.

"The story goes he attacked some of the people in District 4 so they ordered him to be sent to the mental hospital. That's why he didn't have Victory Tour." She says.

"I doubt our beloved President would allow that." He says in disbelief

"Apparently there were many heated discussions... I think him coming here is a miracle." She

"You think this will effect his deal?" He says

_Deal?_ I think to myself confused.

"Nah, as long as he can get off he will be in the same boat as me." The girl says sadly.

"Where is he anyways?" The man says.

"I saw Haymitch drag him in here."

"Poor kid being with Haymitch isn't easy." The man jokes

The female laughs.

"Why is Marina here with him though? She hates him always yells at him." The woman says.

"Maybe that's why she wanted to be here, make him miserable."

"I'm still surprised she didn't volunteer."

"She's not a fighter just rude."

"Let's go I want to talk with Dylan more."

"Hopefully we can find him." They leave the room.

I sigh looks like even the people Mags didn't want to know do but, what did they mean by deal?

I hate it here. I want to leave. I want to go home.

* * *

"Dylan stop." I hear Julius say frantically and he is holding onto my shoulders as if to hold me down.

I'm unaware of my surroundings and I am seeing black spots and my head hurts.

"What happened?" I ask confused.

"You were banging your head against the wall. Shouting they were going to murder you and that you wanted to leave." Julius says sadly. He knows where I was but he just wants to gloss over it and pretend nothing happened. Right now he has to accept it.

"I don't…" Once I become aware of my surroundings I notice some of the other victors are in this room.

_They made you do this. _A voice whispers.

I bang my head against the wall again wanting the voices to stop and for everyone else to leave.

"Leave me alone." I say only loud enough for Julius to hear. He doesn't do anything.

"Oh you fall down and hit your head." I hear Marina say and cackle with laughter.

"Leave me alone!" I yell at her.

She smiles smugly "I think I'll stay for the show."

I start ramming my head against the wall harder hoping everyone will go away or I will just knock myself out.

Julius forcefully grabs my arm.

"That's enough partying today." He says and drags me from the room.

I feel dizzy and I want to throw up.

He sits me down in a chair and gets me a glass from the table across from us.

"Here." I take it.

_It's poisoned._

"Ahh." I shout.

I drop the glass and the contents splatter to the floor.

I think Julius thinks I dropped it because my hands are shaking because he goes to get me another.

"Don't give it to me I know it's poisoned."

"Um Dylan…"

"Just leave me alone." I tell him.

Someone comes over they have pink skin and red eye lashes with jewels on the end. She looks at my head.

"Can you answer a few questions for me."

"Why?"

"To check to see if you have a concussion."

"Fine."

She smiles. She asks me simple questions but they make my head hurt and are hard to answer.

"You have a concussion." She takes out a syringe and fills it with medication.

"No no no" I scream and fall out of the chair. I can feel the whole room looking this way.

"It's just for the pain" she says confused.

"No! No! that's what you tell me so you can knock me out and lock me in my room and try and make my nightmares come to life." I shout as if I'm in the mental hospital.

"I…" she says not knowing what to do.

"Do you have an alternative." Julius asks.

"We have chewables but...

"Give him those." Julius tells her firmly I'm surprised with how well he is handling this.

She takes out a pill container which makes me just as uncomfortable. I feel like I will get high or start seeing Elena.

"Do I really need something?"

"Well no, but...

I get up to leave and place my hands on my temples. I feel so dizzy I fall back into my seat.

"That's why you should take something." The woman tells me. "The injection will take effect almost immediately. The chewables might be a few hours and you will have the opening ceremonies so I would recommend the injection." She smiles

"This won't knock me out?" I ask her

"No."

"Make me see things?"

"No..." She says confused.

"It's alright Dylan." Julius tell me.

"Just give me the shot."

She does I feel inclined to push her off of me but I don't.

"Sit and drink something, when you go upstairs try and relax. I would recommend getting some sleep and take it easy for the next few days and if you still feel dizzy call for someone." She smiles and walks away.

"Do you want to call your sister?" Julius asks me. I'm surprised he knows this.

I nod. He gets a light phone from the table and hands it to me. I just hope she is at my house.

It's rings and rings, right as I'm about to hang up she picks up the phone.

"Hello?" She says confused.

I don't know what to say.

"Hello? Dylan is this you?" She says again.

"I..." I start crying.

"Dylan you're okay." She tells me.

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are. What happened were you hearing voices?"

"These people are trying to kill me. They have already poisoned some of the water."

"Dylan that's not true, they're not trying to kill you."

"Yes they are!" I shout.

"It's okay, it will be alright did anything else happen?"

"I..."

"What happened? Dylan you can tell me."

"I don't really know I was thinking I wanted to leave and then I must have blacked out because the next thing I remember is Julius holding me down and stopping me from banging my head against the wall."

"Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself?" She asks worriedly.

"I gave myself a concussion." I am talking rather loud. I think everyone in the room is listening to my conversation, which is making it worse. I can feel my palms start to sweat and I am starting to panic.

"Dylan, you're okay. What were you doing?"

"In a room with lots of people and overhearing someone saying I'm crazy." I say and start crying again.

"You're not crazy don't listen to them."

I start crying harder and my panic is getting worse. My breathing starts to accelerate.

"Dylan, it's okay, just breathe in and out"

"I..." Talking is becoming impossible because of the sheer terror coursing through my body.

"Dylan?"

I drop the phone from the panic and place my hands on my temples. My heart starts beating and my temples are throbbing. All I can focus on is the terror. All I feel is pure terror. I can't even tell where I am anymore I think I'm going to pass out from it vision disappeared but I am not aware of my surroundings.

My panic attack ends and the only people in the room are a few of the victors. It feels like it's been a whole day but it was just ten minutes.

"They should have let him out sooner." I hear the male victor from 3 say. "He hasn't been in the real world for almost a full year. He can't deal with lots of people because he hasn't been in that type of environment. He should have had an adjustment period so he could get used to it. I don't think he will be able to mentor, especially in the control room."

"Well I think the plan was to keep him in there... maybe forever." Haymitch says sadly

"That could've been the case but President Snow and District 4 have different goals in mind. Four wants him in there so he can't hurt the citizens. Snow wants him out here so he can be paraded around the Capitol. The one who makes the final call of course is Snow."

"Do you really think he will hurt people?" Haymitch asks

"I don't think so. He probably did it once to someone who was probably important so he got sentenced there. Four is very protective of their citizens." He says.

_How the hell would he know that_. I think to myself.

"Will he be alright eventually?" Haymitch asks him.

The male mentor from 3 pauses for a few minutes.

"Beetee." Haymitch says impatient.

"I don't know. I think him being in there so long hurt him psychologically more so than he already was from killing 22 people. He could be like this forever." He says sadly.

"Do you think the deal will be called off then."

_Deal that is the second time I've heard that, what is this deal. _I think to myself.

"I don't know, Snow was already angry that he couldn't go on his Victory Tour. I doubt he would let that slide especially since people like him." Bette replies.

"If he can barely keep it together in a room full of people how will he be able to have sex with people."

"That is different… there are more variables involved to that equation but it could be like an unstable elements never knowing what will happen. I doubt that will be taken into consideration." He says.

_Have sex?_ I think to myself. Is that what Haymitch said? I think this concussion is messing with my mind. Why would Haymitch care who I have sex with. My list is just Carter but that isn't his business. My head is spinning and it must be from the concussion.

They probably think I am still having my panic attack so I wouldn't hear them. I sit up slowly and don't feel good. My body was in over drive and the concussion isn't helping.

"Dylan?" Julius tells me gently

"What?" I say.

"You're sister is still on the phone if you want to talk with her."

I grab the phone.

"Emily?" I whimper.

"Dylan you're alright. It's over now."

"I know." I say and start crying.

"Shhh." She tells me and starts to hum that song. I start to breathe in and out. Until I calm down.

"You'll be home soon. Duke finished all the houses more people are getting help because of you." She says

"That's nice." I tell her.

"Carter stopped by."

"Really?" I smile.

"She wants to see you as soon as you come back." Emily says

"Really?" I say again.

"Yes, she's glad that she will be able to be herself again."

They eventually let Carter back in there but, she had to act fake and tame but, I did get to see her so I was happy.

I notice that the remaining victors are listening intently to my conversation. This stuff is personal and I don't want them to know.

"Emily I have to go."

"But why?"

"I'm not alone." I say and look towards my audience they pretend to be doing something else but it doesn't matter.

"Okay. You should call me later. I love you and you're okay." She tells me.

"Love you."

"Let me hear you say it."

"Say what?"

"That you're okay"

"I..."

"Dylan do you think you're okay?"

"No." I say and shake my head

"Okay well you are being honest so that is good but you are okay. Nothing bad is going to happen."

"Okay." I say.

"I love you." She says

"Love you." The phone line goes dead and I hand it back to Julius.

"Do you want to go upstairs?" He asks me gently.

I'm surprised by how nice he is being but, with Marina here it's not like anyone else would take care of me.

My body is still tense from the panic attack I don't want to leave yet.

"Can we stay here for a few more minutes."

"We can stay as long as you like." He smiles and sits next to me.

"Thank you."

"For what?" He says confused

"Being here."

"You're welcome. How's your head?"

"I don't know. I can't really feel anything now... the terror."

"It will be alright." He tells me.

"Where is everyone?" I ask

"they left, they thought it would be better to leave you alone." He tells me.

"I don't like being alone." I mutter.

"But...

"I don't like being with lots of people either." I tell him.

"I'm sure you'll warm up to everyone."

"Do you believe that."

He sighs

"That's what I thought."

"Why don't we go upstairs they said you should rest and the opening ceremonies are in seven hours. You could take a nap or just lie down."

"What about Marina." I say.

"I talked to her...

"It doesn't matter, she'll still try and hurt me."

"I'm sure that's not true."

"Read the report file from the mentors meeting and I think you would see it my way."

"I'll try and get her to back off the best I can."

"Julius?"

"Yes?

"Which victors are those again." I motion to the few that are left.

"The one with the bottle is Haymitch from 12 I didn't introduce you to him. The one he is talking with is from 3 it's Beetee Latier...

"The guy who invents everything."

"Correct."

"The female in the corner is Zara from 5 and she is talking with Blaze from six."

"There the ones."

"The ones what?" He says confused.

"Called me crazy." I say sadly.

Julius looks at them, he looks angry I think.

"Don't listen to them. You're fine." He tells me gently. "And the last one who is walking over to Haymitch is Chaff from 11." He smiles

"Why are they still here?"

"We didn't make anyone leave just the majority did."

I nod. My muscles seemed to have relaxed and I am starting to feel better.

"We can leave now." I say.

"Alright." He says

I stand up slowly and still feel nauseous. I don't want to walk over there because the victors are over there. It's like I'm entrapped in here.

"Dylan?" Julius says and follows my gaze "Don't worry. It's fine."

I want to run out of here but I feel so nauseous I think I would throw up everywhere. I walk as quickly as possibly but can feel all of there eyes burning into my skin. We get into the hallway and I sigh in relief. We get in the elevator but before the doors close Zara the female from 5 gets in. She's the one who called me crazy.

Julius hits the 4 and 5 buttons. We are almost to out floor but Zara pulls the emergency brake.

"What are you doing!" I shout

"I wanted to talk with you." She smiles.

"We could fall down the elevator shaft." I say

"The emergency brake is on so the won't happen. Duh." He looks at me as if I'm stupid.

"Can't we talk on our floor. It's small in here."

"I just wanted to say sorry about the whole crazy comment. It seems I offended you." She smiles.

"That didn't sound like an apology." I mutter.

"Well I don't think I did anything wrong just stating the truth you just don't understand."

"That's not true." I yell at her.

She smiles. Before she can say anything else Julius moves her out of the way and the presses the emergency break and the elevator stops at our floor.

"Bye bye." She says and blows me a kiss.

I get to the common room and see Marina and she is reading something.

"Oh hello there." Marina smiles

"Stop." Julius tells her.

"But..."

"I don't care. Just leave him alone for the rest of the night."

"Fine." She says and vigorously turns the page of her book.

I go to the dinning room table. I haven't eaten anything all day. An Avox places a device in front of me to order something. I still feel nauseous so I just order soup. The Avox places water in front of me.

A few minutes later they bring my food.

"Thank you." I tell her even though I'm not supposed to acknowledge them. Julius doesn't yell at me this time I can tell she is smiling at me.

The soup is tomato basil. It is good and it makes me feel warm and safe..

"How long was I doing that?" I ask Julius.

"What?" He says confused

"Banging my head... screaming."

"I don't know because no one found you until you started screaming. It was clear you were doing it before anyone found you, possibility thirty minutes. We couldn't get you to stop. We tried for fifteen minutes but you were still doing it, we were concerned when your head starting bleeding. You eventually stopped but, you gave yourself a concussion."

"They all saw?" I say quietly.

"No, but I think they all heard you yelling."

"Great." I mumble.

I eat more of the soup.

"What happened when I had my panic attack?" I don't usually know what I do sometimes I yell out for help. Sometimes I just stare there clenching and unclenching my jaw.

"You just sat there. You were swallowing hard and clenching your jaw almost as if you were holding in screams." He says.

"And they all left?"

"Yes, you made them… uncomfortable."

"Great." I say again.

"I'm sure you will get used to it." It says

"You believe that?" I say

He sighs. "Finish your soup and try to sleep before the tributes get finished." He says and walks to the common room. I hear him talking with Marina. She sounds angry.

I finish my soup and get a glass of water and take it back to my room. I sit on the bed and sip the water. I see my reflection in the mirror. My eyes are red from the crying and I can see some of the blood on my forehead.

"You're okay." I say to myself. "You're okay." I say and shut my eyes to clear my mind.

_No you're not_. A voice says. _They all think you're crazy. You're not okay._

"No!" I shout.

I throw the glass at the mirror and shards of it, the glass, and the water go everywhere. I don't even care. I put my hands over my face and fall back on the bed.

"Leave me alone." I whisper.

I grab a pillow and press it against my chest and cry. I cry until I can't anymore, then I fall asleep. I wake up to a knocking on my door. Julius comes in.

"There back and look wonderful. How do you feel?" He asks me.

"Fine." I lie.

My head still hurts and I don't want to get up but, I do and stumble towards the tributes.

I head over to Kim.

"Um Dylan." She says confused.

"What?"

"You have blood on your face."

I touch my forehead and feel the dried blood.

"Don't worry I'm fine."

"Are you sure."

"Yes, you look nice." I say changing to subject

"Thanks so am I supposed to be doing something?"

"Just project confidence and smile a lot so they think you like them."

"Okay."

Marina come over to me and throws me a wet washcloth.

"Take care of that."

"Thanks." I smirk at her.

"Time to head down." Julius says and we all pile in the elevator.

When we reach the ground floor there are screams from excited people everywhere and flash backs of me doing this come back.

We head to the chariots and Louise comes over to do the final checks of there outfits. I look at the other tributes the ones from 7 and 12 are always the same. Dressed as trees and have coal splattered on their bodies. The tributes from 1 are gleaming neither of there mentors are there. I see Blaze and Zara talking. Zara waves at me. I ignore her.

"Don't they look marvelous." Julius says.

"Yes." I say.

The male mentor from 3 is looking at me strangely. He was the one talking with Haymitch. The tributes go out and come back shortly but, before we can head upstairs someone comes towards me.

"Mr. Watt"

"Yes." I say confused.

"President Snow would like to see you."

"Now?" I say confused.

"Yes he is very close thought that would be easier for everyone." The man says.

"Okay…" I say confused

I follow him and get nervous. I have a feeling whatever he wants to talk to me about is bad. From what I overheard he didn't want me to stay in the hospital and he wanted me to have a Victory Tour. Then Haymitch and Beetee mentioned a deal with him. I have a feeling this will be about that deal and I don't think I'm going to like it.

I'm brought to a room that oversees all of the festivities. All of them look so happy it makes me disgusted.

"It really is something isn't it." I hear President Snow say. I didn't even hear the door open because of my disdain for the citizens.

President Snow is shorter and younger than I thought. I see him on tv but never in person. Being so close to him makes everything different… I can also smell a strong sent of roses. It's almost too strong.

"Hello President Snow." I say confused as how to greet him.

"Hello and it is a pleasure to meet you. Usually I have met the victors by now but, that didn't happen with you."

"Yes, things were sort of out of my hands." I say slightly angry he could've gotten me out of the mental hospital he is the god damn president.

"Oh, I know they were same goes for me too. Please sit." He motions towards a table.

I do as I'm told it's not like I have a choice.

"You know lots of people in the Capitol were impressed by your games."

"I figured, people thought I was destined to die." I say unamused.

"Yes you where but here you are responsible for killing almost all of them." He smiles

"And in the shortest amount of time." I add.

He looks angry when I say this. The Hunger Games aren't supposed to be that short.

"Yes they were, I was not a fan of that but that wasn't your fault."

"I guess." I say confused.

"What's done is done though. Do you enjoy being a victor."

"As opposed to being dead yes I think I like it very much." I say

"I like that, you're honest."

"Well I don't see the point in lying." I tell him.

"I suppose that's true."

It is silent for a minute

"Besides getting to meet you officially I wanted to offer you something." He says

"And what would that be?" I say confused

"A deal." He says

"Oh?" I say confused

"Yes one that I think you will like."

"And why it that?"

"Because if you take it I will make sure you never go back there again."

"Back there?" I ask but, I think I know what he is going to say.

"In the mental facility they have been keeping you in. I personally wanted you to have a Victory Tour, see all of the other districts and celebrate, but they made you stay and I take it you didn't like that."

I swallow hard

"I didn't like any of it." I say nervously

"I thought so. They want to put you back in there as soon as you get home."

"I figured." I say with a mix of rage, fear, and sadness.

"They will let you out for Hunger Games business but, that would be extent of your… freedom.

"Great." I say

"I can ensure that, that doesn't happen."

"What makes you so confident?"

"I am the President." He smiles

"Then why didn't I have a Victory Tour?" I say annoyed.

"Timing is everything you would be surprised how things can change." He says vaguely. I don't like this answer but, I don't care.

"So if I agree to this mysterious deal you're saying I will never go back there again."

"Correct."

"Even if I hurt someone."

"I don't think you will do that but even if you do hurt or even kill someone I will be able to get you out of it."

"I'm not going to kill anyone. Injury maybe but kill never."

"Ah yes well hopefully that doesn't happen."

"I concur."

"We do have similar interests."

It's silent for a minute.

"Tell me about this deal." I say and a crooked smile forms on President Snows lips


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

The comments Haymitch, Beetee, and Zara made all make sense now. This is because Snow's deal involves having sex with important Capitol citizens. Apparently they get to buy me and I do whatever they ask. The sad part about all of this isn't the deal itself but how quickly I agreed to this. Someone will be coming by the room when the tributes are at the training center tomorrow so I can get the full explanation.

I get in the elevator and head back to the room. I still have a terrible throbbing in my head and feel dizzy. I have the urge to run out of here screaming but, I have to keep it together especially with Snow's deal. I have a feeling this is more of a test run and if I can't do it he will just throw me back in the mental hospital.

The elevator stops and I can hear the tributes talking. I follow the voices.

"Hey craz-

"Don't." Julius says to Marina. She rolls her eyes. I get the feeling Julius won't be able to keep this up the whole time I think I get a free pass today because I had a nervous breakdown in front of all the mentors.

"Where did you run off to?" Kim says angrily.

"President Snow wanted to see me, he does with all the new victors." I tell her and technically I'm not lying.

"No he doesn't." Marina smiles.

Kim looks furious at her comment and I know it isn't directed towards Marina.

"Well, since I didn't have a Victory Tour different things apply."

"I'm sure they do." Marina smiles smugly.

"Why don't we eat dinner." Julius says to break the tension.

"Well, do either of you have any questions for tomorrow." Julius asks.

Nick is about to say something but, Marina stops him.

"We are doing individual training Julius. If they have any questions they will be able to ask us on their own." She says and smiles at me.

"Alright then, I do want to say that you both looked wonderful tonight." Julius says.

We eat the rest of our meal in awkward silence Marina and Nick leave and Julius does shortly after. Leaving Kim and myself alone.

"So do you think it would be easier if you just kill me now?" She says and I can see tears forming in her eyes.

"I'm not going to kill you." I tell her and want to kick myself after I say it. I should've said you'll be okay or you won't die but, I didn't.

She rolls her eyes.

"Just tell me what you think I should do."

I try and remember what Mags told me last year but, the room starts spinning and I place my hands on my face and close my eyes. After a few seconds I get a hold of myself.

"I think you should...

I open my eyes and see she has left.

"Great." I mutter.

I walk to my room and notice the one Kim is staying in. I knock on the door.

"Go away!" She shouts.

I don't advance any further, when I was in the mental hospital I hated people when people came to see me when I asked them to leave but, I want her to know she can come and talk to me.

"Kim, if you want to talk with me you can come to my room." I tell her.

She doesn't answer and I head to my room and shut the door. I crawl onto the bed and pull the covers over my head, my mind isn't slowing down. I don't think I will be able to sleep tonight I feel too guilty and anxious about what will happen tomorrow. I toss and turn for an hour and just give up and stare at the ceiling tiles. I count them and wrap the sheets around my fingers over and over until my eyes close.

* * *

The tributes left a few hours ago and it is just myself and Marina in the hotel room. Julius apparently ran off to do some game related business. We are both in the common room and she is staring at me. I hear the elevator ding and feel grateful that Julius is back.

"Lucifer? What are you doing here?" She asks.

I look up and it isn't Julius. It is a man in a one of a kind tailor mad suite. He has blue eyes, black hair, and an interesting beard that makes him look like a cartoon character.

"Don't worry Miss. Small I'm not here for you." He smiles.

Marina looks at me strangely.

"Dylan, come with me we have _business _to discuss." Lucifer tells me.

"Bye crazy." Marina says with a smile.

I don't say anything and just follow this man blindly.

We get to the elevator and he presses the six button.

"Where are you taking me?"

"To my office." He says curtly.

"Don't tributes stay here?"

"Yes this hotel used to be used for business. The sixth floor has lots of conference areas, later when you go to find sponsors you will come here as well." He says and leads me down a hall and we get to an office which he unlocks.

"Sit." He motions to a chair.

I do as I'm told. His desk is very cluttered it has lots of files on it and his file cabinets are open and have papers sticking out of them.

"Now Mr. Watt I'm sure you know you are here for a certain deal."

"Yes the one President Snow discussed with me last night."

"Yes that's the one." He has a devious smile

"Okay so how does this work?" I ask.

"I should let you know that this is more of a trail run because you are.. how do I say this delicately.. unstable." He smiles at me.

"I figured you were going to say that."

"Excellent but, I should let you know if you can't handle this you will be put right back in that prison as soon as your feet touch District 4 soil." He says.

"I understand. So how does this work?"

"You will be seeing one client a day for _now _and when you go to them you will do _whatever_ they ask."

"I thought-

"Sometimes they only wish to speak with you but, that is not what will be happening on this visit for obvious reasons."

"Well how will I know when to meet them?"

"You will be given a card at various times of the day. The card will have the clients name and the meeting place, you will be given a drive and they will take you to that destination. You leave when they have dismissed you and then you can do whatever you would usually do."

"Okay." I say.

"Have you ever done this before?"

"Been part of a sketchy back door deal? No I can't say I have." I say sarcastically.

He shakes his head in disapproval and sighs "Have you ever had sex before?" He asks me.

"What does that matter." I say disgusted

"Is that a no?"

"No." I sigh.

"Good, that was a concern from some of the psychologists who are looking into this particular situation. Did your partner find it enjoyable?"

"What the fuck?" I say.

"It's for research purposes."

"I don't care, I don't remember this being part of the deal." I say.

"It's not but, people want to study you."

"I'm not some object you can study unless you want to lock me up too." I say annoyed.

"No, I don't want that." He smiles "You will be seeing a client later tonight, you are now free to leave." He says and I get up.

"Oh wait."

I turn around

"What?"

"I'm supposed to mention that all of your loved ones will be safe."

"Are they in some sort of danger?" I say and sit back down.

"No but, President Snow wanted you to have the same things all of the other victors get for being part of this deal." He tells me.

I think about this for a minute.

"He threatens them doesn't he?" I ask.

Lucifer makes a devilish smile.

"What can I say you need to have some leverage to get things to work."

"Well, why didn't he do that to me." I say.

"I think you know why Dylan. He knows you would rather die then go back to that prison you have been kept in for a year, he doesn't need to threaten you." He smiles.

"Can I leave now?" I say angrily.

"Yes. Just wait for the client card." He says.

I head to the elevator and head back to our room.

"Come here Dylan." I hear Marina say

"Done calling me crazy." I smile.

She scoffs "No, so you're one of Snow's lapdogs now." She says.

"Maybe... are you?"

"People got tired of me I'm retired." She smiles. "It's not like you have many people to protect."

"It's so I won't get taken back to the mental hospital."

"Oh, well you deserve to be there." She mutters

"Whatever." I say.

"Oh so sad, don't you find it strange that Julius isn't here?" Marina says smugly.

"That's supposed to happen isn't it?" I say confused.

She scoffs "Nope, he isn't here because he doesn't want to be around you which means I get to be with you." She smiles and places her hands on my shoulders and locks her eyes with mine.

"I still own you except now I'm not the only one." She smiles

"What do you mean?" I ask

"Snow owns you now Dylan whether you want to believe it or not." She smiles and a shiver runs down my spine.

"No one owns me."

"Mmmh so you wanted to be in the mental hospital?

"I...

"You want to be forced to have sex with people?

"I...

"You want to come here every year?

She is starting to shake my shoulders.

"Well, do you want it Dylan? Do you?" She says with a smile.

"Stop." I mutter.

"What was that?"

"Stop!" I shout at her.

"You seem to lose control in high stress environments you might want to work on that considering what you will be going through the next few days." She smiles.

"Just leave me alone." I tell her.

"As you wish." She says and heads back to her room.

I don't want to think about what she just said because I have a feeling it is true.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

Julius has come back with the tributes and we are heading for the dinner table.

"So how did everything go today?" I ask.

"We are doing this individually they can't share each others secrets." Marina says.

"They were in the training center together,they say what the other was doing. It wasn't the individual sessions." I say annoyed.

"Doesn't matter." She says

Nick opens his mouth but Marina makes a zip it motion and he closes it.

"Kim what about you?"

"Weapons and stuff we are both pretty good." I nod.

"Did you go to the survival station?" I ask. I remember Mags telling me this last year/ I didn't need it but she made it seem important.

"No... should I?" She asks.

"It doesn't hurt learning what types of plants can kill you." I say.

"Looks like someone just woke up." Marina smiles

Before I can respond an Avox comes over with a silver platter when she is close enough I see it is an envelope. She places the platter in front of me and I take the note, I'm assuming this is the client card.I open it and see the name _Kelly Cumin _on it, it has an address so I know I have to leave the building.

"Do you have to leave Dylan?" Julius asks confused.

"Uh... yes I have some business to attend to."

"Alright, come back soon."

I smile at Kim but she looks angry at me.

I head to the elevator and head to my driver and show him the card so he can take me to this client. We get to the building and it is a tall building that is a terrible purple color. I head into the lobby and figure it is an apartment complex. I look at the card and see _PH3_ on it. I go to the elevator and press the _PH _button, I'm assuming it stands for penthouse. I see the rooms and it is right off from the elevator.

I knock on the door and am surprised by who answers it because they are my age. I doubt she is paying for this by herself, she is probably using her parents money.

This Kelly girl doesn't look that strange she has pale skin, black hair, and green eyes. I notice she also has a small tattoo on her neck.

"Oh good Dylan you made excellent time!" She squeaks.

"Thanks... I think." I tell her.

"Get in here." She says and grabs my hand and pulls me into her apartment. I look around and am surprised by how nice it is. It is like the house in Victors Village but ten times more extravagant.

"Have you ever done this before?" She asks me with an eyebrow arched.

"What have sex?" I ask confused and slightly annoyed.

"No silly, I mean get bought." She smiles "You have had sex though right." She says seriously

"Yes." I say and roll my eyes.I think that would be a requirement for this 'job' because you're supposed to please the customer.

"Good. I don't want someone who doesn't know what the hell they are doing. Some of the sixteen year old victors have never had sex but since your're 18-

"19." I correct her not that it matters

"Well that's good to know." She smiles and comes over and kisses me.

I would hate this to be the way to lose my virginity, being bought by someone. From what she said it sounds like this happens a lot, it is almost like being raped. The thought that this has happened to people sends a shiver down my spine.

"You do know what you're doing right?" She asks.

"I will let you be the judge." I say annoyed.

_You're doing this to stay out of there._ I think to myself.

"Oh yes I will. Have you ever been bought though." She asks again

"Nope, you're lucky number one."

"Good I like that." She says seductively and kisses me hard and fast and I reciprocate. I should probably be repulsed by this but, I'm not, she is my age and a good kisser. I doubt it will be like this all the time, maybe they gave me a young girl to see if I will freak out. I freak out doing normal things and Lucifer did say this was a trail run.

We continue to kiss at a fast pace as we are ripping each other's clothes off.

"If I didn't know any better I would think you wanted this." She says breathless.

I don't answer her because I think she is somewhat true. I don't want to be doing this but at the same time I like that someone is allowed to be near me like this. I like that someone wants to be with me instead of being locked in a room and told how to act around people.

"Oh victor Dylan Watt." She shouts out. She keeps shouting that out until she finishes. I get off of her.

"Well?" She asks me out of breath

"What?" I say confused

"I'm going to give you a good review." She tells me

"I get reviews." I say confused and disgusted.

"Yes and I have high standards. You can leave when you're ready but you can't spend the night." She smiles and rolls over, I put my clothes on and leave. As bad as I feel thinking this it isn't that bad. Maybe it is because I'm glad I won't be in the metal hospital if I keep doing this.

* * *

The other client I have gotten was also my age. I know all of my admirers are not my age some must be older. The last girl looked more Capitol than the first she was purple and had carefully crafted white circles that led to her sensitive areas. I just found that distracting, maybe it is supposed to be sexy in the Capitol but it was just strange for me.

I think they are giving me younger clients on purpose. I can have a nervous breakdown doing normal things, yesterday the shower scared me because of the pattern the water spurted out and I felt like I was going to drown. That isn't normal, you shouldn't be afraid to take a shower, I don't want anything to happen. I don't want to hurt any of the clients but, I feel like that is a strong possibility or worse just run away and lock myself in a room.

The thing that is worse is I'm not having a terrible time, I almost want to see these people. It's not the sex part it's the part where people want to be around me and aren't afraid of me.

I get the card and the name reads_ Victoria San_. I also notice that she is staying in a room in the hotel, this makes my job easier because I don't need to leave this place. Hopefully I will make it back to see how Kim did on her individual session.

I head to the elevator and knock on Victoria's door.

"Hi Dylan. Come in." She has blonde hair with light blue streaks, large doll eyes, and tanned skin.

"Thank you." I tell her.

I do as I'm told and walk into her room and get a feeling of uncertainty. I feel uncomfortable. She does the awkward conversation and then starts kissing me

I try and kiss her back but, I have a strange feeling that this building isn't safe and it will collapse.

She doesn't seem to notice I'm distracted. She probably doesn't care as long as she can have sex with me.

She rips off my clothes and I do the same to her but, my mind can't focus, I'm too focused on wondering what is wrong. The room has gotten smaller and I feel like the walls will fall down and crush us.

She is on top of me and the feeling of the walls collapsing has gotten stronger and I am starting to panic. I try and stay with the client and not have my mind wonder into the land of panic but it isn't working. I'm starting to hyperventilate and it isn't because I'm enjoying myself.

_She's trying to kill you _a voice says

I close eyes _No she's not she bought me to do this. _I think to myself.

I'm starting to feel confused and uncomfortable. I want to get out of here, I want her to stop.

"Stop." I say

She doesn't listen why would she, she bought me for this. I say it again though and I know she can hear me. I feel if she doesn't stop I will attack her because I want to get out of here no, I need to get out of here. I don't really have control when I'm in a state of terror and I don't want to hurt her.

I push her off me gently. She tries to get back on me put I get away from her. My breathing gets faster and I can't control my thoughts.

"What are you doing?" She asks me angrily

"I can't do this."

"You don't have a choice I bought you for this."

"I know but you...hurt... panic." My sentences aren't forming and only focusing on the important words. The room is starting to spin and I feel nauseous. I grab my clothes and run out of the room.

"This is fucked up I paid for you come back here Dylan!"

She is yelling at me but I don't care. I feel Lucifer will just drag me back in there but, right now I don't care, I go in the elevator. I don't press a button because I'm too terrified to do anything. I sit on the floor with my knees pressed to my chest. I don't know how long I've been in here but it couldn't have been long because the elevator starts moving. I hear doors open and I feel someone touch my shoulder.

I bolt up

"No please don't!" I cry out. I don't know who I'm expecting maybe the client, maybe Lucifer, or maybe just some random person who is trying to kill me.

"Come here." I hear someone say their voice sounds familiar. I don't move though, I'm too terrified I press my knees closer to my chest and start sobbing.

I hear the emergency brake go off as I have a panic attack. When I start to calm down I breathe in and out slowly and try and relax. I look up to see who is in the elevator with me. It's Haymitch.

"Dylan come with him." He tells me gently.

I reach for his hand.

_He's going to hurt you _A voice says.

"No!" I yell to the voice but, Haymitch stops

"I'm not going to hurt you."

_Yes he is_

"No." I say and put my hands over my ears and start rocking back and forth

_He's lying you should kill him._

"No leave me alone." I say and start crying.

Haymitch looks at me with confusion. I think he is wondering if I'm talking to him.

_KILL HIM! _A voice shouts very loud

"No! No! Get the fuck out of my head! Leave me alone! Leave me alone" I start sobbing.

Haymitch knows I'm not talking to him anymore.

I start to breathe in and out and hum the song Emily does to me. After a few minutes the voices stop but leave on a hissing noise.

I look at Haymitch and he seems unsure if he should talk to me.

"How long have I been here?" I ask him wiping the tears off my face.

"Maybe fifteen minutes. What are you doing here?"

I start talking fast "I ran into an elevator because I started having a panic attack while I was having sex with..." I trail off and wonder if Haymitch knows about Snow's deal.

"A client." He finishes for me and looks sad.

"I don't want your pity." I say.

He smiles "Well you're lucky... I'm not very sympathetic."

"Where were you going?" I ask him because he wanted to take the elevator somewhere.

"No where." He says

"You just ride the elevator up and down all day?" I smirk

"I was trying to get away from my escort. I was going to the bar downstairs."

"I see drinking alone get too boring." I say sarcastically.

Haymitch smiles and I think it is because I'm teasing him.

I notice the doors are open and I can hear the ringing of the emergency brake still.

"You should come in here. Get away from Marina and the person who is probably looking for you because you didn't satisfy the client." He tells me.

"I probably would've hurt them." I mumble

Haymitch grabs my hand and takes me into his suite. I look around and notice that this room is nicer than mine. Haymitch leaves and I don't know if he is going to come back but, I don't care.

"Haymitch is that you?" I hear the woman from the other day and she walks in here. "Oh my Dylan what's wrong? Did Haymitch say something to you?" She says concerned.

"Uh... no I just.. alone." I tell her in broken sentences. I don't want to talk with her or anyone for that matter.

"You want to be alone?" She asks confused.

"Please." I beg.

"Here." Haymitch says and throws me a bottle.

"Oh I don't like...

"It's water." He smiles at me.

I take a sip

"Why is it bubbly then."

"That is sparkling water Dylan." Effie says to me.

"Oh." I say and take another sip. She leaves and I'm surprised.

"How do you know?" I ask him.

"About what?" He says confused

"Snows deal, does every victor just know."

"Most of them."

"Why don't you tell the tributes then?"I say annoyed.

"I don't really have that problem so I wouldn't know, I think it's because they know it won't matter. It would probably be nice to have a heads up but, it would probably cause more a distraction " He says and takes a swig from his bottle.

"Right." I say and look around.

"Out of curiosity who are you trying to save." He says

"Trying to save?" I say confused

"Snow's deal that's why victors do this." He eyes me strangely.

"Well he told me if I do this I will stay out of the mental hospital."

"Oh." Haymitch says sadly

"Yeah oh. Snow didn't have to threaten me because he is giving me something I want. He told me I was going to go back in there and knew I would rather die than do that." I pause" I'd prefer if we didn't talk about this." I say

Haymitch nods

"He did say my sister would be left alone along with the whole mental hospital thing."

"Sister? No parents."

"Died from a hurricane when I was 16 he didn't do it." I say.

"I see well at least you're from District 4. Had a nice place to stay."

"I wish." I scoff

"It can't be that bad." Haymitch says peeved. He is from the poorest District I have no idea what it looks like but, people always think the lower level is like a poor District.

"Before my parents died me and my sister slept in a hollowed out tree because there wasn't enough room in our shack and then when they died the whole no being able to get food thing wasn't the best."

"Hollowed out tree trunk?"

"Yes."

"Interesting. I didn't think things in Four were bad."

"Well that's only in the lower level most of Panem just knows about the middle level and sees us as killing machines"

"The other victors from 4 don't say this... you the only one from there."

"Yes"

It's silent

"This place is big." I say.

"The higher the floor number the bigger the rooms. The people from 1 and 2 think it is unfair."

"That's what they think is unfair." I mumble

"Yes isn't it something" Haymitch smiles.

I wonder why Haymitch isn't kicking me out or just talking with me. I don't know him well put he doesn't strike me as a person who likes to be warm and fuzzy.

"Why are you doing this?" I ask him

"What?" He says confused

"Staying with me."

"Because you shouldn't be left alone. After reading the file from your mentors meeting it was clear Marina would just be making your life hell."

"You read the mentors meeting report? How did you get it."

"Anyone can look at them they just need to ask, most people look at them to see if they can see strategy or something."

"Oh." I say. "Well Julius is there."

"While he handled the other day very well he was uncomfortable just like the others. Has he been around?"

"No." I say.

"See that leaves you alone, and just to let you know James and Mags would've stayed in the room for you the whole time."

"I figured but... I couldn't."

"That's not surprising." He tells me and it sounds like he wants to say something else

"What?" I ask him

"It's nothing."

"What?!" I practically shout at him

"It's just out of all the victors there are I have never seen one so effected by what happened."

"Goody I get to add craziest victor to my rap sheet along with most kills and shortest games ever." I say annoyed.

"Everyone has nightmares even the people who volunteer and we all have the memories. At first you might see things or hear things but they usually go away but could come back occasionally. Everyone has there own method to keep them distracted from the terrible memories."

"You drink." I interpret

"Yes the other victors and myself find your predicament... strange."

"Why is that?" I say angrily

"Because you didn't kill people in combat."

"Yes I...

"The ones you did kill would've died within thirty minutes it was a mercy killing..."

"It was still murder." I say annoyed.

"Yes but, it didn't come violently, most of the people you killed you didn't see die. Which is why it is interesting that you would be the most effected."

"Well... maybe I have a better conscious than you and the other victors or maybe it is because I wasn't suppose to come back." I say

"Maybe but, Beetee finds you fascinating."

"What? Like he wants to study me." I say confused.

"I would like to say no but... he spends most of his time with machines. He doesn't see the human life like the rest of us."

"What do you mean?" "

"He's sees self worth by numbers and facts of how important they are. If they don't have the right stats he just thinks they are unimportant." He says.

"So what he wants to cut open my brain to see if I'm worth it?"

"I don't know maybe."

"Well he should've visited me in the mental hospital they love studying people there." I say bluntly.

I hear the elevator ding and I hear the tributes come up with their escort, I didn't even see her walk past. "And that is why you should hold a better standard and have better manners, Colin ." The shrill Effie says.

The boy is probably 18 and the girl is probably 16, The girl stops walking when she sees me.

"Dylan, Julius was asking about you. He sounded worried maybe you should go back to your floor your tributes are probably back too."

"Thank you Miss Effie." I say and get up to leave

"You can come here anytime if you don't want to be alone." Haymitch tells me. Which I am surprised by.

"Thanks." I press the 4 button and get taken up there.

When I step out of the elevator I see the tributes, Julius, Marina, and in the corner I see Lucifer and he looks angry.

"Dylan good you're back. I was starting to get worried." Julius says and smiles at me.

"Someone's here to see you." Marina says nervously she probably knows why he is here.

"Hello Dylan." Lucifer says. "I was wondering if we could talk somewhere more private."

"Alright." I say it's not like I have a choice

"Dylan will be back shortly." He tells the tributes who look confused. We get on the elevator and he presses the six button so we can head to his office. We don't speak the whole way there.

We get to his office and he motions for me to sit down. He is rummaging through a file cabinet and I start to get nervous. I can feel my palms sweating and can see it on the leather arm rests. He finds what he was looking for and places it on his desk and sits down and looks at me. I don't know if he wants me to say something. I wouldn't know what... sorry maybe.

He sighs "Dylan why do you think you are here?" He tells me I feel like I am in the principals office at school.

"I um…" What should I say ran away because I thought the building was going to collapse and she was going to murder me. I don't think that will help me.

"I didn't please a client." I say

"Well saying that would be an understatement. You left before you were dismissed and you ran away. Why did you run away?"

I am trying to collect my thoughts but, before I can answer he starts talking. I think this was a rhetorical question.

"I shouldn't have to remind you that you are doing this to stay out of the metal hospital and to make sure no harm comes to your sister. Now I don't care what you're excuse is...

"Excuse!" I shout at him with disgust.

"There is no _excuse! _I thought that she was going to kill me, the voices told me she was going to kill me. When I think this I usually attack people and she didn't seem like the person who likes the BDSM scene. I didn't want to hurt her so I left. I ran away and had a panic attack in the elevator and started to hear voices saying things. Next time though I will make sure to stay." I shout at him.

"Well..." Lucifer says confused

"You don't have to deal with this from the other victors I bet." I tell him. I don't say anything else.

He does go to his phone and starts calling numerous people. I hope it doesn't involve hurting Emily, I could get thrown back in the mental hospital and wouldn't care but, I want to make sure she is alright.

"Mr. Watt follow me please." He says. We walk down and he presses the main floor button. We start to head to the training center and then swivel past it, I know where we are going, before I can run away he grabs onto my wrist tightly. We get there and he puts me in the room where the new victors go to get treated before they can be shown to the world again.

"Sit over there." He motions to the patient chair.

"What am I do here?" I ask him.

"Getting evaluated." He tells me. This is what I was told before I got locked up in the mental hospital.

"You can't lock me up! Not here!" I yell at him.

"Not here no but, maybe you should be sent home to get locked up there and never leave." He tell me.

"No!" I shout at him.

"Dylan this isn't really your say." He tells me.

We wait probably five minutes and the person with the pink skin comes out. She seems to remember me.

"Hello Dylan. I'm going to ask you things but Lucifer I think it would be best if you wait outside."

"Alright." He says. He leaves and she comes closer to me.

"He is seeing if you can still see clients." She tells me.

"I figured that out myself. He said if said if you don't think I can he will make me leave and have me stay in the mental hospital forever. Since it is your call I feel I should let you know that as soon as I get sent back in there I will try to kill myself everyday. I don't care all of the safety procedures they have. I will eventually get it to work and you are the one who gets to make the call." I tell her.

She sighs "I know I'm not going to order you in there those places usually don't help." She tells me "but... "

But?" I say disappointed.

"You still are going to have to take part in this deal so, we have to come up with a new plan so this doesn't happen again. Why do you think it happened this time?"

"I wish I could tell you... it just happens."

She nods "Do you take any medication?" she asks me.

"They gave me stuff but, I got addicted to it and they didn't really give me any when I left."

"Did it help you?"

I shake my head

"No they just made me… high."

"They must not have been giving you something helpful, just something that would help them deal with you. Have they diagnosed you or anything."

"The local doctor thinks it could be schizophrenia or maybe just post traumatic stress disorder."

"That does sound correct after what I saw yesterday, reading the mentors meeting report, listening to what that girl said, and Lucifer it seems like that would be the right thing."

"Okay."

"There is no cure for this but medication can help with the symptoms i.e the voices will go away, your paranoia and anything else you suffer from. However we have to find the right one and they usually take a month to kick in."

"Is that going to be good enough for him."

"I don't think so, they're going to ask you to see one other person. It's not the girl from before but if this next person doesn't give you a good review things aren't looking good." She tells me sadly.

"Great, it's not like I can do anything if this starts to happen."

"You did it with two other people."

"That felt different... I don't know why."

"Well jut try to clear your mind and wonder somewhere else while they take advantage of you. I think I know someone to recommend for you, more people are going to be involved with picking your clientele than the other victors."

"Well then are they going to fire me or anything?" I say annoyed.

"No I think your price will just rise."

"So who is this person?"

"Her name is Layla. I know she put in a bid for you."

"And why should I trust you?" I say

"It's not like you have anyone else." She tells me.

"I guess." I say

"I'll get Lucifer."

She goes out into the hall and I can hear them talking. I hope what she was telling me wasn't a lie.

I get taken back to the room and talk about the individual sessions with Kim. She seems to think she did an alright job, I can tell she still hates me though. After that I get the client card and open it. The name reads _Layla M. _I wonder why I don't get to know her last name. I head to the car and get taken to the destination.

I head up to her room and knock on the door. A woman answers who looks a bit older than me. She has chestnut brown hair with green and purple streaks. She also looks very provocative wearing lots of black makeup and a see through shirt that shows off her black lacy bra.

"Hello Dylan please come in." She tells me and I do as I'm instructed.

"You can sit if you wish." She tells me and places a glass of water in front of me.

"Thank you Layla."

"You're very welcome."

"So..." I say.

"Let's cut to the chase."She says.

_Here it comes _I think to myself.

"I'm not going to sleep with you."

"Wait... what?"

"Tiffany said you needed help to ensure sure you don't go somewhere." She smiles.

"But that's what you're suppose to." I tell her confused

"No, actually I can do whatever I want with you except ask you to murder someone."

"I'm suppose to to sleep with you though so Lucifer see I can handle this."

"Don't worry I'm going to lie."

"Lie?" I ask confused.

"Tell him things he wants to hear."

I look at her strangely

"Don't worry I'll give you a good review." She tells me

"But why?"

"What do you mean why?

"Why do you care?"

"Oh that well... lets just say from one person to the other who gets bought to have sex."

"You get bought to have sex with people."

She nods.

"I am a prostitute. That's why it will be easy for me to make up a story." She smiles

"Does Lucifer know this?" I ask.

"Of course he does. He actually likes when prostitutes put in bids because more times than not they can't pay all the way."

"So he gets them to pay with their body." I say disgusted.

"Why does that surprise you? His job is to make sure victors get bought and sold so they can rake in money."

"Well why are you a prostitute?"

"I'll give you that story for another time." She smiles "How long do you usually stay?"

"Until they tell me to leave." I tell her.

"What's the average. I don't want you to leave too early, people are probably waiting for you to leave. So that means you will have to look like you just had sex."

"I don't know how long. It is usually a little more than an hour."

"Okay." She says.

She starts messing with my clothes and puts stuff on my hair so it looks matted.

She turns on the tv and puts her feet up on the coffee table.

"Do you want to watch something?" She asks me

"I've never really watched tv here."

"Really?"

"Aren't they just replaying Hunger Games?"

"Not all the time just on certain stations."

"I don't care, this is your house do what you want."

"Oh, this isn't my house Dylan."

"What?"

"These are nice hotels my house is elsewhere." She smiles.

"What? You mean not in the Capitol?"

"No, just a different part."

"Different part?"

"It's a place where all people come to buy people for sex."

"Really?" I say surprised.

"Yes, it's called a red light district."

"So it's like the a sketchy part of the Capitol?"

"Not the part I am from." She smiles.

I nod not really caring.

"Stay here." She says and leaves the room. She comes back and hands me a card, it has an address and her name on it. "In case you want to visit me." She smiles

"Oh, I don't think..."

"Talk to Haymitch and then say that." She smiles.

"But..."

She looks at the clock.

"You should probably get going." She comes close to me and kisses my cheek and smears the lipstick on my face. "Perfect." She smiles.

I head outside to the car and hope she lies like she said she would but, I wonder why she wants me to talk about Haymitch about visting her. Does he visit this mysterious red light district or is there an alliterative motive to this.


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

I make it back to the hotel in time to see the scores well most of them, I got back around District 7. I can tell Julius wants to yell at me but, I don't think he will because he knows I am head crazy. Kim didn't even eat dinner, she ran away to her room to avoid me. She can order food from her room so I'm not worried about her starving but, I think she should talk to someone. I know she doesn't want to talk with me. I keep feeling sorry for her but, when I do I just get angrier at Marina for not being there. If she would help me or if we did the mentoring thing together I would feel better. I know Marina hates me but, she is taking out her hatred on me on an innocent girl.

I head to my room and go to sleep, I have to remember to talk with Haymitch later about what that girl. I think maybe Haymitch has bought her or maybe just maybe something more is going on. I don't care what, I don't have time to worry about anything else, I just want to go home.

I wake up and head to the common room and I see Julius is out here.

"Dylan can I talk to you." He tells me gently.

"Sure." I say.

"Where did you head off to yesterday?"

"That man from before wanted to talk to me, I think it was sponsor stuff. I'm not really sure because no one is telling me how all of this works."

Julius nods. I think he believes me because he isn't questioning me further.

"What am I supposed to do today?" I ask him

"The interview with Caesar is tonight which I sure you remember, all you have to do is help them on they they should present themselves. I would recommend you ask some practice questions. Do you remember what he asked you last year?"

"Vaguely." I say.

"Well, Kim got a score of ten so he will ask about that." He smiles and leaves the room.

I sit on the couch and hold my head in my hands.

"I suck at this" I say allowed.

"Isn't that the understatement of the year, she's going to die you know. Her blood will be on your hands along with the other twenty three people." Marina says smiling.

"I didn't... it will be on your hands too Marina." I don't bother fighting her on the twenty three people comment having that argument agin isn't worth it.

"What makes you say that?"

"Because you aren't helping me. I don't know what the hell I'm doing. If I did it would be better but, it's not. Her blood will be on your hands too."

She smirks and starts to look at me like I'm her pray.

"Well, that may be true but, my number is still smaller than yours, in fact I think it is the highest of any victor ever." She smiles and is face to face with me.

"How does that make you feel." She smiles.

I don't answer her because words can't explain how that makes me feel. I'm starting to feel dizzy just by thinking it, my vision is starting to go blurry. I feel a sharp pain on the side of my face all of a sudden and I realize Marina just slapped me.

"What the hell!" I shout at her.

"You were starting to get that glazed look in your eyes, can't have you having a panic attack when it is interview day. You save that for tomorrow when they go into the arena." She smiles.

I put my hand on my cheek to try and stop the stinging.

"Why would you want to save that for tomorrow?" I ask.

"So you can have a panic attack tomorrow in the control room that way you won't be able to help your tribute, you may get kicked out even. Poor... poor kim." She smiles.

"What is wrong with you!"

"Nothing. What is wrong with you that is the better question. You're insane that's why you were in the insane asylum."

"Stop." I mutter.

"That's why they all stare at you." She says.

"Stop." I mutter again.

"That's what they all think. Even here." She smiles.

"No..." I say not entirely sure. I have a feeling they do think that.

She grabs my shoulders and starts shaking me.

"Yes, you're insane, you're crazy, you're a waste of space, you're-

"Dylan." I hear Kim interrupt.

Marina let's go of me and we both look over at her.

"Yes." I say shakily with tears forming in my eyes.

"Can I talk to you." She says.

"Of course." I say and I head over to her. "Where would you like to talk?"

"My room is fine."

We head to her room and she sits on the bed and I sit on the chair.

"Listen for your interview today I think you should...

"Is she always like that?" She interrupts

"Is who always like what?" I ask confused.

"Marina...

"Oh well... yes."

"Oh." She says with sympathy. "I'm-

"Stop." I tell her I don't what her to say sorry for this, it isn't her fault.

"But, I shouldn't have been so mean with her...

"It doesn't matter I deserve it for not really helping you. As I was saying for your interview today I think you should play it coy. You got a good training score and the more mysterious you are the more interested the Capitol citizens will be in you because they will want to figure you out. Now Julius told me to ask you some practice questions and I will try and come up with ones that are basic. I try to block out everything related to my games for reasons you can probably guess, but I'm pretty sure I can come up with the broad questions." I say and Kim is looking at me surprised.

"What?"

"You do know what you're doing." She tells me.

"Whatever you need to tell yourself." I say.

We go out to the common room so the Abbi and Emma can make her up, they make her look nice and innocent which will help for her playing coy. She has a bright red dress and they put her hair up in a messy bun with lots of blush on her face, she looks like a doll almost.

"How do I look?" She asks.

"Nice." I tell her.

"Alright everyone let's head to the elevators." Julius says.

We get to the elevators and head to the interviewing station.

"Good luck." I tell her.

"Thanks." She says and goes to line up with the rest.

"Finally learn how to do your job." Marina says.

"I guess." I say annoyed.

This place is making me uncomfortable because it is the place I came after I won.

I close my eyes and try to get a hold of myself, my hearing is becoming muffled and my vision is getting blurry

"I um...

I notice that here is a viewing area for the other victors upstairs. I go up there because I would rather be in a place that won't give me a panic attack.

I enter the room and it is an oval that overlooks the whole stage. I notice that their is one other person up here who looks familiar, I did see people at that party but, I didn't pay attention to anyone's face. I can only see the back of her, she has silky mocha skin, hair black as night, and she has a strong build. I'm assuming she is from one or two if I saw her face I would probably recognize her.

"What are you doing here." She says her voice is strong.

"I didn't like it down there." I say truthfully.

She turns around and I recognize her instantly it's Enobaria the victor who won by ripping out the final tributes juggler with her teeth.

"I know so over rated." She smiles and I can see her teeth are now fangs. I get a shiver.

She starts walking closer to me.

"Shame we didn't get to talk the other day." She is right in front of me.

"Well, I had other things on my mind."

She puts her hand gently on my shoulder and smiles.

"I bet you did." She smiles "I would love to know what goes on inside that pretty little head of yours." She smiles. I get he feeling she is flirting with me and I don't like it.

"Yes well inside my head is a big ball of crazy." I say trying to get her to get away from me.

"Oh, don't worry about that I don't see it." She leans in but, I push her back.

"I um... already have someone."

"Oh, what a pity maybe I can put in a bid for you." She winks. I feel uncomfortable here as well because of her. I wonder if victors are allowed to do that, I don't think it matters hopefully I never find out the answer

I feel uncomfortable up here as well so I go back down to where everyone else is and head to the place that has the least amount of people. I close my eyes and breath in and out and count backwards from a hundred and for a moment I have found peace and serenity.

It is short lived because I feel a shaking on my shoulder and notice it is Julius.

"It's time to go upstairs Dylan."

"Okay." I say.

"How did I do?" Kim asks.

"You did well." I tell her. I'm sure she did, I can't keep saying I'm not paying attention especially since she finally started liking me.

"Good."

"Let's go upstairs." Julius says.

We do and I'm glad. We sit at the table and talk about the interviews and it sounds like they both did well.

"Now, I'm sure you both know that tomorrow is the day you will venture into the arena, I just want to say it has been a pleasure to know both of you." Julius says.

They both nod, then Nick and Marina head one way and Kim and I stay in the dining room.

"Do you have any questions?" I ask her.

She shakes her head.

"Well, then I'll give you some advice. I think you have an alliance with one and two so you should meet up with them as fast as possible you should also get a weapon as fast as possible because the careers like to calim turf at the cornucopia. Don't eat anything you're not sure what it is people have died many ways from that, don't be ignorant. Also, if you don't think you are safe with them just run away and try to fend for yourself." I tell her.

"That's actually good advice." She says surprised.

"Well, I do have my moments." I smile "You should go to sleep."

She nods and heads off to her room, I do the same and collapse on the bed. I'm afraid to go to sleep because I don't know what to do while she is in the arena and I know Marina won't help me. I know Kim is going to die because I can't help her, I can barely help myself.

I think back to that Layla girl and how she wanted me to see Haymitch but, I'm not going to because I don't care. She didn't make it seem important and if it is she should've made more of an effort.


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

"Time to shine." Marina smiles at me as she leads me into a room with lots of screens and cubbies for each District.

"What is this?" I ask confused.

"I call it the hive, it is where we all come to watch our tributes possibly die. This is basically how we give them parachutes."

"How do we do that?" I ask.

"I'll let you figure it out by yourself." She says and sits in chair.

"But..."

"I'll show." I look to see who said it and it is Beetee.

"Thanks you." I tell him and he nods.

He looks at my screen and shows me how to use everything

"You don't have many sponsors did you have trouble finding some?" He asks me confused. Kim did a good score I didn't know how to find her sponsors though or really know if I was the one supposed to do that it's not like Marina told me anything.

"I…

"Oh that's right Dylan, I knew I forgot to tell you something." Marina smiles.

Beetee shakes his head in disapproval.

"It doesn't matter you can get some while the games are going on, the prices will rise the longer it goes on though."

"Can't I jut purchase stuff earlier or is that breaking the rules?" I ask

"You could but, it would be risky especially since you don't have much money to begin with. Good luck." He tells me and goes back to the three station.

"Arm." I hear someone say.

"What?" I say confused.

"Oh, right you're the new one. These are drugs to make you stay awake the whole time." The woman says gently and moves a syringe towards me.

"No!" I shout and back away and hit some of the screens

"It's a requirement." They say.

"No, no! Don't! I you're trying to hurt me! Trying to experiment on me!"

"Just give us your arm, there is no talking your way out of this." The woman says annoyed.

"No!" I say. I can tell everyone is looking over here.

"Fuck sake." Marina says and holds me down so they can inject me.

"You didn't die." She says annoyed and sits back down.

I feel strange though I have a rush of adrenalin and fall into my chair.

"Try and keep your cool when the blood starts flying." Marina smiles.

The screens start to light up and I can see the arena. The arena this is year looks like everything is tilted: the sky, mountains, cornucopia, trees, the pond.

"Looks like walking will be interesting." Marina says.

I'm about to agree with her but, then I look at the circles where the tributes will rise and notice that the ground is flat. The arena is an optical illusion. They are trying to make them think everything is tilted but, in reality it isn't. The tributes will probably walk strangely because their brain is telling them everything is slanted even though it isn't. The brain is a powerful thing, if it thinks something is true it can happen.

"Not if they figure it out." I say.

"I'm not going to listen to your craziness today." Marina says annoyed and keeps her eyes on the screen.

"No but...

"Stop talking."

"I'm trying to...

"Shut up Dylan!" She shouts and I can feel the room look over here.

"I was just trying to help you." I say.

"Well I don't need your help." She says.

"Fine." I say.

I notice the people from three give a lingering glance and smile at me. I wonder why... maybe because they know this is an optical illusion too, they are from the technological District which is arguably the smartest District of Panem.

The tributes start to rise from the tubes and it looks like all of them are thinking the same thing as Marina.

"Welcome tributes to the 63rd annual Hunger Games and as always may the odds be ever in your favor." A voice says and starts to count down from sixty.

The gong rings and Kim and Nick meet up with each other and both kill one person. Then they meet up with one and two and head to the cornucopia. As I expected most of the tributes have not noticed that it is an optical illusion, so they are stumbling over. I do notice both of the tributes from three have figured it out and it gave them an advantage. They were able to get out before anyone attacked them because they didn't stumble over. They deserve the win for being able to figure out the arena.

The careers start to go through the stuff they found at the cornucopia and boast about the people they killed. I can tell Kim is uncomfortable but, I think she knows it is better to stick with them for now.

The girl from one is covered with blood already and seems proud of it.

"How did you get bloody so fast Cashmere?" The boy from two asks.

She gets face to face with the boy with a knife in her hand, I think she might kill him.

"I like the feeling of hot blood against my body." She snarls.

"I think we all like that Cashmere." The boy from one says.

They all laugh at this comment I can tell Kim is debating if she should leave. I told her to trust her instincts so if she gets the feeling she should run away now she should run away. I don't really have a say with any of this alliance stuff, not because I think it is stupid but, because in my games they wanted us to be alone.

"We should stay here for a bit to get things in order, then we should go hunting." Cashmere orders. I have a feeling Cashmere is the ring leader of the group. They should kill her first if they want to win. She seems ruthless and is obviously a skilled killer, they could do it not to make it easier she wouldn't expect it. Someone on watch could just kill her while she is sleeping but, I doubt that will happen.

The cannons start to go off although I already know by the mentors who are left in here that there are fourteen left.

"Alright we should head out, who wants to hang back and watch our stuff?" Cashmere barks. Yup she is definitely calling the shots and those people usually win out of the careers, they should kill her.

"I'll hang back." Kim volunteers.

"Good, If anything happens it's your head." Cashmere snarls.

"I got it." She says

They walk off to find people to kill.

I watch Kim on my screen, she picks up a throwing star and throws it on the ground.

"Strange." She says.

I wonder why.

She picks up a metal object that is smooth and silver and places it on the ground but, it doesn't budge I think she has figured it out.

She smiles to herself, she looks around and dips into the supplies. She takes multiple things from the piles and shoves them into a backpack and then grabs a few weapons andruns in the opposite direction of the rest of the careers.

"She's an idiot." Marina tells me. "She'll be dead in twenty four hours."

I don't say anything because I have no idea if that is true. There are too many elements at play, she could be but, so could Nick or any of the other tributes.

The careers return and are furious that she left them and 'stole' their supplies.

"She dies first tomorrow." Cashmere growls. The rest of them nod and decide who will be watching while the others are sleeping.

Kim and most of the other tributes have set up camp for the night but before they drift off to sleep they see the faces of the dead tributes. The innocent people who got killed for no rational reason.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

The Hunger Games lasted a few weeks and just like I guessed that Cashmere girl won, they were too stupid to kill her off when they were given the opportunity which they had many of. Nick made it to the final four but, got his head smashed in with a mace by the boy from two. Kim made it to the final six but, Cashmere found her and strangled her to death. Now we are on our way back to District 4 and I have a strange feeling in my chest. I think it is just because I was responsible for two peoples life and now they are dead. Maybe Marina is correct, maybe this does bring my death toll to twenty four.

I feel a pat on my shoulder and bolt up. I almost push the train attendant to the ground.

"I'm sorry Mr. Watt I'm was just letting you know that we are in District 4 now." They say kindly.

"Oh, thank you." I say and head off the train. Unlike when I left the train station from being victorious almost no one is here but, there is someone here who I think was waiting just for me.

"Dylan!" I hear her exclaim as she walks over here.

"Car-" I can't even say her full name because the next thing I know she is kissing me. Her lips feel soft and nice against mine I wrap my arms around her and feel safe. I feel almost sane.

She breaks the kiss.

"-ter." I finish.

"Hi." She says and smiles.

"Hi." I say.

"Let's go, I want to talk with you." She smiles. "You're free now after all." She takes my hand and is leading me somewhere, I don't care where she is taking me I will follow Carter anywhere.

When Carter stops walking we are at a cove we would come here sometimes as kids to have 'secret conversations' with each other or to just leave the lower level.

Carter and I sit down and lace each others fingers with one another.

"So you're free." Carter says happily.

"Yes, I have been for a few weeks."

"I know but, you had to do that Hunger Games bullshit." She smiles.

"Oh yes that." I say.

"Were you okay? Emily told me that she wasn't sure how you were."

"I was okay." I say. I don't want to tell her about this deal I have with Snow and I don't think she needs to know. I don't even know if I'm allowed to tell anyone.

"What happened." She says and strokes my face.

"That victor I went with... isn't very nice. She kept purposely giving me panic attacks." I say sadly.

"That's not right." Carter says and I can see fire in her eyes.

"Don't do anything Carter, I think it will make it worse."

"I wasn't going to do anything, you can take care of yourself." She smiles

"You said you wanted to talk to me?" I said.

She nods.

"Yes." She says.

"Well, I'm listening." I tease.

"When you were in the mental hospital I realized something."

"And what would that be?" I ask confused.

She sighs and looks like she is having a hard time saying it.

"Carter what is it?" I ask slightly worried.

"I'm in love with you." She says and avoids my gaze. "I can't help it. I want you... only you. I... I know, I don't really have the right to say these things because I turned you down but, I just wanted you to know" She says.

"Carter." I say.

"What?" She says looking at our intertwined hands.

"I love you too and I have always wanted you... only you." I say.

She looks up at me and we kiss. It is very passionate, her hands are running through my hair and my hands are on the small of her back. We are probably as close as physically possible.

"Carter wait."

"I'm sorry got carried away." She says

"It's okay, it's just things are... different now." I say. She will probably think it is because my mind is messed up but, it is really because of Snow's deal. I just got back from being with random women, I don't want to be with Carter until those memories are not fresh in my mind.

"Okay, I don't care." She smiles and kisses my cheek. "We should go anyways, I know Emily wants to see you."

We leave the cove and head down to the lower level hand and hand while she rests her head against my shoulder.

I get to my house and walk through the door.

"Dylan oh, my god." Emily runs and hugs me.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"Are you okay?" She asks worried.

"I'm fine why do you ask?"

"That Hector person, your therapist, came by a few days ago saying you need to go to the hospital. Why would that be?"

"I don't..." I trail off. I'm not suppose to have anything to do with that place. Why would I have to go back there, maybe Snow was lying to me.

Carter looks at me worried also.

"They can't put you back in there... can they?" Carter asks.

"They can do whatever they want." I mumble "But, I'm sure it's nothing."

"Are you sure?" Emily asks.

"I hope so." I say. Or else President Snow's word isn't worth anything.

"Well, let's go then. I want to see what those fuc-

"You can not use language like that in this house Carter, our mother always wanted it like that and it is still like that." Emily tells her sternly.

She is right our mother never wanted us to use bad words in the house. She didn't care if we said it outside even right outside the door but, she didn't want it in the house because enough bad stuff already happened in there.

"I'm sorry." Carter says looking to the ground.

"It's fine." Emily says but,it sound like she doesn't mean it.

"Let's just go to the the hospital to get this over with." I say.

Emily, Carter, and myself all head back into town to go to the hospital. We are right in front of it and I can feel myself having an anxiety attack.

Emily rubs my shoulder.

"It's okay Dylan we aren't going to leave you."

"Yeah, those fuckers..." Carter says and looks at Emily who doesn't seem to care now. "Won't hurt you."

"Thank you." I say to both of them. Emily and Carter have very different ways reacting to things but, I like both of them just the way they are.

I breathe in and out and head into the hospital we go through the ER and then head toward the psychiatric ward. I can hear the screams coming from Hall D already. That is what Jacob and I called the hall where people are taken to the pink and green rooms. I was in here long enough to know that what he was telling me was true. Patients would disappear or have a strange look in their eyes when they attacked people, they looked like they had no soul. I don't know how they use that tracker jacker venom but, however they are using it is clearly working in their favor.

I head to the front desk and see Mabel filing paperwork.

"Well, hi Dylan." She smiles warmly Mabel was nice and kind in here she was almost like a mother in a strange way.

"Hi Mabel."

"What are you doing here?" She says surprised.

"Emily said that Hector came by and said I should go to the hospital."

"Oh." She says worried. "Let me pull up your file."

"She seems worried Dylan." Emily says.

"I'm sure it's fine." I say but, I'm starting to doubt the words of President Snow.

Mabel breathes a sigh of relief.

"It's fine Dylan you just have some drug prescriptions that need to be picked up. Apparently the hospital couldn't get a hold of you." She smiles and looks back at the screen and seems confused.

"What? What is it?" Carter asks.

"These were rush ordered straight from the Capitol. In all my years working here that has never happened." She says confused and eyes me.

"Well, maybe they saw that I needed help." I say.

"Maybe, but you need to see Hector still." She says.

"No." I say.

"When someone has a prescription drug they have to talk to Hector."

"Then let's just leave I'm not talking to that man." I say and turn to leave but, Emily grabs my hand.

"Does he have to be alone?" She asks.

"No, but it's family only. You'll have to wait out here Carter, I'm sorry." She smiles.

"Alright, I'll find a comfortable spot. I love you Dylan." She kisses me on the cheek and sits on one of the chairs.

Mabel takes us down to Ward A and places us in a room that looks like a doctors office and I sit in the patience chair.

"You scared, Dylan?" She asks.

"What do you think?" I ask.

"It's going to be okay." She smiles "Mabel said it was to pick up drugs that will help you but... why is it coming from the Capitol." She says nervously.

"I think-

Hector walks through the door and interrupts me. Just seeing him sends a shiver down my spine, he is one of the men I hate most.

"Hello Dylan. How are you today?"

"Fine." I spit back.

"You seem to be in a foul mood."

"That's because I'm here with you." I say with disgust.

"Dylan..." Emily says in a warning tone.

"No, it's fine Miss. Watt." He smiles at her. "Why do you think you are here Dylan?" He asks me.

"Mabel said it was to get medication, is that not true."

"No,that is true. It is a post office visit, I do it to all the patients to make sure there will be no problems with taking medication." He smiles.

"Why would you think there is a problem?" I ask

"Well, some people have problems because of the drugs they were given in here to _help _you." He says.

"Well, maybe you should easy up then." I mutter.

"It is only a far few but, I'm supposed to ask you. It is a standard protocol." He says.

"Fine just ask the questions." I smile.

"Have you had any withdrawal symptoms since you have left."

"Withdrawal symptoms ?" I ask confused.

"Tremors, headaches, short temper, lack of sleep."

_Yes, yes, yes and yes. _I think to myself but, I don't think it is because I have a drug addiction. I think it is because I killed those people.

"Nope, I'm fine."

He eyes me strangely.

"Usually I would ask more questions maybe keep you overnight... but, because this is a direct order from President Snow there is nothing I can do."

He takes out three pill bottles that all have papers with them

"Here, do not abuse them though Dylan, there are refill dates and you can't get it refilled before then. If you try you will lose the right to get these sedatives and might be put back in here but, this time for a drug addiction." He says angrily.

"I can assure you _Hector _that won' happen." I smile at him.

I won't be going back in here as long as I have something to say about it but, I hope he isn't right. He has been feeding me lies for a year but, the withdrawal symptoms he was talking about were true. Maybe I could ask Haymtich what it's like to be addicted to something, then maybe I will have my answer.


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

It's been a month since I have been given my medication and it seems to be working. It could be a placebo effect but, I don't hear the voices or screams as much. They are still there but, it is better than a 24/7 deal.

Things have been good in my life recently. I feel almost normal, I have a great girlfriend, a nice best friend, and a loving sister. I would almost forget everything that happened in the Hunger Games if it wasn't for the whispering and staring. It doesn't bother me as much, mostly because I am starting to feel better.

"Dylan stop." I hear Carter laughing as I'm tickling her.

"No." I say and kiss her.

"You're can't get away with this forever." She smiles.

"The voices made me do it." I say sarcastically.

"Is that going to be your excuse for everything now?" She asks

"No, just until it stops working."

I grab her hips and back her into the wall and kiss her passionately. She warps her arms around me and runs her fingers through my hair.

She stops kissing me.

"Shouldn't we be going?" Se asks me.

"Ugh... I don't want to." I mutter.

I have to go back to my house in Victors Village, I pretty much got told I have to live there. I don't know why it should matter but, I don't want to get in trouble. Even though Snow pretty much said I could get away with murder I have a feeling they could hurt the people I care about.

"Don't worry, it's not that bad." Se smiles.

"How would you know, you've never been there." I ask

"I'm trying to play the role of supportive girlfriend here duh." She smiles

I place a strand of hair behind her ear and kiss her again.

"It can't be that bad, the exterior of the houses look nice." She says

"It's not how nice the house is Carter. It's the pretenses that come with it."I say.

"Well that may be true but, you pretty much got ordered to live there again."

"I'm tired of people ordering me to live places." I say.

Carter smiles.

"Hey, this place isn't as bad as the hospital. Besides, you can come and go as you please okay/" She tells me gently.

"Okay." I mutter. She kisses my cheek and grabs my hand.

"Let's go!" She says and starts dragging me from my house in the lower level and to my house in Victors Village.

We get to the house and I open the door. It looks like I saw it last but, I feel a strange chill run down my spine. Emily or myself haven't stepped inside this house for more than a year but, it feels like someone was in this house maybe a few hours ago.

"What is it?" Carter asks me. My face is probably giving it away.

"I have feeling someone has been here." I say

"Dylan." Carter says gently and puts her hand on my face. "No one has been here."

"It feels like someone has." I say with an unsettling feeling.

"Don't worry, it's probably just because you haven't been here in a while." She smiles and kisses my cheek.

"I guess." I still have an unsettling feeling that it is something else.

"Let me show you around." I tell Carter and show her around the house. She seems impressed like Emily was when we first moved here but, I don't feel impressed. I feel disgusted with it, and the money and anything related to 'winning'.

"All that is left is the study but, I've only been in there when we first went in."

"Well, can I still see it." She says.

"Sure, it doesn't even have anything in it except the furniture that came when we moved in."

She nods and opens the door. I just stay outside I don't care it isn't worth looking at.

"If that is true then why do you have a vase of roses in here?" Carter asks me.

"What?" I say confused and walk into the room.

"There just sitting on the desk, they smell really strong too. Where did you get them District Four doesn't have roses?" Carter asks confused.

I look at the vase sitting exactly in the middle of the desk. They have the same smell just like the roses that were in President Snow's mansion when we went to talk more about his deal. He had a full room of them and the scent was so strong it made me feel dizzy. The same smell is now in my house.

"Oooo look there's a card." Carter says.

_A card?_ I think to myself

"Carter put that down!" I shout at her.

"Relax Dylan it's just a card maybe you has an admirer." She teases.

_I have many admirers._ I think to myself.

"Just put it down, don't touch it." I tell her frantically.

Carter comes over to me concerned.

"it's okay, Dylan they are just flowers."

"No you don't understand." I tell her. I know those are more than just flowers and I know that note is from Snow. I don't want Carter to know anything about Snow or what goes on when I go I the Capitol. I probably should tell her but I'm not going to.

Carter comes over and hugs me.

"You're okay Dylan, nothing and no one is going to hurt you here. You're here with me not anywhere else."

"I know." I say and grip her tightly. I'm not safe though, I need Carter to leave so I can read that note because I know it is from President Snow.

Carter and I hug for a long time before she says.

"While this was fun Dylan I have to be going." Carter says.

"Where?" I ask confused.

"Gotta study, my finals are next week." She tells me.

"Right school."

"Yes that but, I'm going to graduate early." She smiles.

"That's because you're so smart."

"I know." She smiles and kisses me and I walk her to the door.

"Will you be alright because I can bring my books here." She says.

"I'll be fine Carter besides Emily will be coming here in an hour." I say.

"Okay, I might come by later. Is that okay?"

"You don't have to ask Carter, you can stop by anytime."

She smiles and kisses me.

"Good."

She kisses me again and I wrap my arms around her tightly.

Carter breaks the kiss and I lean against her.

"I love you." She tells me.

"I love you too." I say and kiss her again.

I walk her out of Victors Village and when she is out of sight I go back into the house. I run into the study and take the card and open it.

_Mr. Watt next week there will be a glorious Capitol celebration to signify the new harvest and I know many citizens would love to see you. A train will be sent for you Friday please don't miss it or else there will be **consequences**. I personally would like to see you as well._

_All the best_

_-President Snow_

I crumple the paper in anger. I thought I would only have to do this while the games were going on, I don't know why I was so naive.

What am I going to tell Carter? Forget Carter what am I going to tell Emily. She will wonder why I am the only victor being summoned to the Capitol. I can't tell either of them the truth. I will have to come up with something, something good. Good thing I have two days to come up with something.


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31**

I hear the door open and close and I head back downstairs.

"Dylan, are you here?" I hear Emily shout.

I race down the stairs and see her. She is still in her butchers uniform.

"Hi." She smiles.

"Hey." I say unable to focus.

"Are you alright Dylan?" She asks me.

"Yes, why do you ask?" I'm not alright my head is still spinning from Snow's note.

"Because you look like you've seen a ghost." She says.

"Oh... I just hate this place." I say.

"You sure that's it?" She asks.

"Of course, if something happened I would tell you." I smile.

"I don't know, you seem relatively fine now, you wouldn't tell me everything then."

"Well, I'm not good at keeping secrets now." I mutter. I didn't keep many secrets from her before, somethings you just can't tell your sister but, I have to keep this secret in as long as possible. I have a feeling if she knew it would do more harm than good.

"I know, so did you see Carter today?" She asks me.

"Yes." I say.

"How is that going?" She asks.

"Fine."

"I would say it was better than fine from what I've been hearing of late and-

"Okay Emily enough." I say. I know what she is inferring but, I don't want to discuss this with my sister.

She smiles smugly.

"Well maybe if-

"Stop, I don't want to talk about this with my _sister_."

She smiles.

"Well, you have your own house now so that shouldn't be a problem."

"You're not going to stay here with me?" I say nervously.

"Do you want me to?" She asks surprised.

"Yes, I don't feel comfortable being alone yet even though I don't hear the voices all the time."

"Then I won't be leaving until you ask me to." She smiles.

"Good." I tell her.

She walks over and gives me a hug.

"Are you sure you're alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"So do you want to go that town event this weekend?"

"Town event?" I ask confused.

"You know something to do with the moon and it brings more fish or something. We have been going ever since we were like five."

"Oh right well, I would go but... I have to go to the Capitol."

"Why? What happened?" She asks worried.

"Uh..." I didn't exactly come up with anything yet but, President Snow did say something about an event there. I don't want to disappointed Emily by not going to something that we have done since we were children.

"Dylan?" She asks.

"What?" I say confused.

"You were staring off into space for a few minutes, are you sure you're alright?"

"Yeah I uh just have to go to the Capitol."

"What? Why? What happened are you in trouble?" She asks frantically.

"No, I uh just have to go to more events because I missed my Victory Tour." I say. It isn't that bad of a lie and it makes sense that the other victors won't be going.

She nods.

"Will you be okay?" She asks.

"I will have to be." I mutter.

"Dylan it will be alright, you seem fine now and Marina won't be there to torture you." She smiles.

"I know." I whisper.

"Are you sure everything is okay?"

"Yes, my mind is just wondering because I don't like this place."

She looks at me strangely.

"You know I can tell when you're hiding something."

"I'm not, it's just President Snow wants me there personally and that is making me nervous." I say which isn't a lie.

"Does this have anything to do with him being your drug supplier." She asks.

"Maybe, he doesn't want the whole country to know how crazy victors are." I say.

"So going to the Capitol is you paying him back?" She asks confused. It's scary how right she is getting this situation. I don't want her to know though especially since it is tied in with her. After reading that letter I know Snow was threatening her and he knows I will do what he says to protect her, just like I would do anything to stay out of the mental hospital. I wonder how he gets away with, I wonder if every government official knows about this deal.

* * *

"My train is going to be leaving, I should get going." I say to Carter. I told her the same lie I did to Emily and she bought it a lot faster too but, I could tell she wanted to ask as many questions as Emily did.

"Okay, do you want me to walk you there?" Carter asks me.

I hesitate.

"Dylan?" She asks me sounding worried.

"Sorry, got a lot on my mind."

"I'm sure you do but, don't worry you will be fine." She smiles and kisses me.

"I know." I say not sounding sure. I know what is going to happen when I'm in the Capitol and I'm not looking forward to it.

"Let's go." She grabs my hand and we walk to the train station.

I see it pulling into the station.

"Here you are." Carter tells me with a smile.

I look at her and smile but I can tell it isn't meeting my eyes.

"Mister, you'll be okay." She tells me and kisses me on the cheek.

"I know." I say but, my breathing is starting to pick up and I'm feeling dizzy. Carter holds onto my hands when I think I'm going fall down.

"You're okay Dylan." She whispers in my ear.

"I..." I trail off.

"Hey, just look at me okay." She tells me and puts her hands on my face. I look into her chocolate brown eyes and breathe in and out and everything seems alright for a moment.

I hug her after I feel better.

"I love you." I whisper to her.

"I love you too." She tells me and kisses me.

I look over to the train platform and see train attendants starting to come this way.

"I think it's time for me to leave." I say and motion to them.

"Okay remember Emily wants you to call her when you get there." She says and smiles.

"Right." I say. I said my goodbyes to Emily earlier, I wanted to have a longer time to say goodbye to her.

I kiss her one last time, then head to the train. It feels strange coming here alone, I wonder how many people I will have see whenI am here and I wonder what will happen when I see President Snow. I can feel a knot forming in my stomach and my palms starting sweat just at the thought of it. I may not hear the voices anymore but no amount of medication can make the panic go away.


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32**

I sit on the train for days and can feel myself being driven insane by the fear that is running through my head and it isn't helping that I'm alone.

I arrive and get escorted to the same room I stay in for when the Hunger Games are going on. After being in the room a few minutes I hear the elevator ding and my throat tightens. I turn to see who it is and see it is Lucifer.

"Hello Dylan, come with me."

"Where are you taking me?" I ask confused.

"You need to get evaluated again."

"But..."

"It's a simple amount of tests but, according to people in District Four you don't have as many... _problems_ as you did before."

"It's not like I have a choice." I grumble.

"You would be correct." He says smugly.

I roll my eyes and we go towards the elevator I except him to press the _GF_ button but, he presses the _6_ button instead.

"Are we going to your office?" I ask him.

"No, they will be doing it in a room up here."

"Why?"

"They use it to test other things." He says vaguely and I swallow hard at the thought. I wonder if they torture people here as well... maybe they do it on captured citizens.

He takes me to a room that is white, it's almost blindingly. There is a long table and chairs and some machines that make me nervous.

"Sit." He tells me and I do, he sits across from me and wheels over the machine. He goes to put something on me put I push him away.

"Don't fight me on this I don't have the patience unlike those beloved doctors in District Four."

"Neither do they, they just give us drugs to shut us up." I say.

"Speaking of drugs have you been taking yours?"

"Yes." I hiss.

"I have to ask these questions Dylan, personally I think it is a waste of your time and mine."

"Did President Snow insist?"

"No, the psychologists that pick your clients did." He says.

"Psychologists pick my clients?" I say confused.

"Yes, they want to make sure you don't have any panic attacks, which is why your clients won't look very Capitol and they will all be whatever age you are the present moment in time. Speaking of clients I never did read you your reviews." He smiles.

"Oh goodie." I say sarcastically.

"They were good if you were concerned. The people who have been more experienced usually get better reviews than someone who isn't experienced."

I shake my head with disgust.

"Do you like sexually abusing people Lucifer."

"I'm just doing my job and I'm not the one doing the abusing." He smiles.

"You sell the people...

"That is all I do, I sell you. I don't call or force people to come to your auctions and buy you. The people who buy you know deep down that what they are doing is wrong. They don't care because they want to be with a victor and brag about to all of their friends or maybe it is because they know you will do whatever they want. Whatever strange fetish they might have that they aren't sharing with anyone you will do it because you have to. You see Dylan in this equation I am just the supplier. If people stopped coming to your auctions you would be released just like Marina was. I am simply doing the job I got assigned." He says and clips something to my finger.

I don't know what to say to him because what he is saying is somewhat true but, I get the feeling he likes selling us to the highest better. Plus what that Layla girl said about him using the prostitutes who want to be with a victor pay with their bodies.

"Put these on your temples." He says and hands me two wires.

"What is this?"

"It's to monitor your brain waves or something." He says.

"Do you even know what you are doing?" I ask.

"Not really, they just told me where to place things and ask questions."

"Couldn't you just blow this off and give me my client card."

"No, like I said this is for the psychologist. Plus this will also be helping with picking your clientele." He says.

"What do you mean?" I ask confused.

"You'll see when we get to the picture portion of the test." He smiles.

"What are you going to show me pictures of potential clients and see how my brain reacts."

"You are smart." He smiles. "That is why you won or at least that is what everyone says, I think it was just luck though. If there would've been a cornucopia you would've been dead within twenty minutes." He says.

"I think you are right." I say.

He looks surprised when I say this. I place the strange wires on my temples and he smiles at the fact.

"How old are you?" He asks me.

"Nineteen." I say and some weird spikes appear on the machine.

"What's your name?" He asks.

"You know my name." I say angrily.

"I need to ask basic questions to see how your brain waves are when answering a simple question."

I roll my eyes.

"Dylan Watt."

The machine moves again and it is the same spikes when I said my name.

"Alright good now I can ask the questions I'm supposed to and then we can leave."

He asks me random questions that I think are meant to trigger something for me but, it doesn't do much. It is all the same as when he asked me my name.

"Alright now all that is left is for you to look at these pictures of people who have put bids in for you. You don't have to say anything your brain will do everything else."

"You mean you will be able to tell which ones I find _attractive." _I say disgusted.

"We all have psychical aesthetics we find more attractive than others, anyone who says otherwise is lying." He smiles.

The machine starts to beep.

"Don't be angry with me Dylan." He smiles.

I roll my eyes and the spikes go up again.

"Try and calm yourself this is the important part because the ones your brain likes the most, will probably be the ones you will be seeing."

He shows me an assortment of women who are all around my age, they all have normal skin tones but, some have strange hair colors. I don't know what I think of all of them. Lucifer only shows them to me for a few seconds but, the machine still reacts and it does it more for some.

"Alright that is it you can't take that stuff off." He says and I do.

He looks at the papers.

"Interesting." He says.

"What?"

"I can tell the psychologist will like this information."

"What information?" I ask confused.

"You have a type." He says.

"I don't have a type." I roll my eyes.

"Well, you may think that but, the results say something different. It will be rather obvious when you see your pick of clients for this trip." He smiles and pulls a card out of his pocket.

"You're first client. They fast approved this because you have met her even though she is very Capitol looking."

"Met her? I thought I couldn't see clients twice."

"No, she is on the prep team."

"Please tell me it is Emma and not her sister." I say annoyed. Emma is nice and Abbi is mean and frightens me.

"Unfortunately it is _Abbi _but, don't worry I'm sure her sister will be there too."

"What are you implying?"

"Abbi likes to collect all of the victors and in her reviews she always mentions that her sister was _satisfied _as well. She doesn't go into detail about that but, it is obvious you will be doing things with her as well, if that makes you feel better." He smiles.

"No, it does not make me feel better." I snap back.

"Well, I don't think I have to tell you-

"That if I don't go terrible things will happen."

He smiles "Good, I'm glad we understand one another. You should get going Abbi was told a time you would come over."

"Why?" I ask confused.

"Because you will be _punished _if you are late."

I shiver. I know he means this in a sexual way, I don't want to find out what she will do to me if I'm, so I get up and bolt from the door to find my driver. I think my psychologists would know better to give me someone who likes to be rough but, I have a bad feeling about this one, a very bad feeling.


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter 33**

I knock on the door and Abbi answers. Her skin is now a pale white and her hair is teal with white streaks. She also has the odd Capitol makeup on her face and she is in her underwear that matches her hair.

"Good you're on time." She smiles.

"I try to make my client happy." I tell her with a fake smile.

"Well, let's see if you will succeed by doing that." She smiles and grabs my arm and starts dragging somewhere, I'm assuming her bedroom. She's doing it so fast I can't see what the rest of her apartment looks like.

I get in her bedroom and see Emma is in here as well, looks like Lucifer was right, looks like I will have _fun_ with her as well. I just hope they don't do anything together because incest is wrong.

"Emma, look who's here to play with you." She smiles.

Emma looks uncomfortable when her sister says this.

"Why did you buy him Abbi, I thought you hate him."

"Oh don't get me wrong I do." She glances at me and I roll my eyes. "But, he is a victor so that means I have to have him."

"But, Abbi didn't you hear?" She says concerned. I guess me being crazy has spread around the Capitol.

"I also wanted to see if the rumors were true. You're not going to hurt me are you Dylan." She says playfully.

"No, I won't."

She smiles and walks over to me.

"Well that may be true I just wish I could say the same." She says and slaps me.

"What the hell?" I ask.

"Don't talk back unless you want another. Let's just think of this as foreplay." She smiles.

"God Lucifer was right about you." I say.

She smiles and hits me again.

"I'm sure he was now sit and don't say anything." She motions to the bed I'm not sure if this is a trick so she can hit me again but I do as I'm told anyways. I don't really have a choice.

"Now watch." She whispers.

She goes over to Emma and kisses her.

_Ugh incest._ I think to myself

I soon notice that Emma doesn't want this because she is trying to pull away, but Abbi is more or less holding her down.

"Do you like watching me kiss my sister Dylan?" She asks

"Yeah... sure." I say.

"Don't tell me what I want to hear be honest." She smiles.

I know if I'm honest then I'm going to get punished but I think the same goes for lying.

"I don't think incest is right."

"That's what you all say but, don't worry it's normal in the Capitol and possibly District One. That new victor was talking about her brother. I did ask if she had any siblings first though. I know you have a sister though Dylan."

"Wait, that Cashmere girl is already on the roster."

She gets close to me

"Yes, and she was good." She whispers seductively. I think she is going to hit me again so I flinch when her hand touches my cheek.

"Oh don't worry Dylan I wasn't going to hurt you, that only happens when you disobey." She smiles.

"Emma take off your clothes." She orders her.

"I don't really want to." She squeaks

"You say that every times as well, so you should know what comes next." She smiles.

"But Abbi this isn't right!" She shouts at her.

Abbi goes over and hits, she tells she wasn't asking she was telling. Emma doesn't object this time and does what she is told. Looks like I'm not the only one who will he getting sexually abused in this visit.

Abbi sits next to me.

"Dance for us sister,"

Emma does.

"Isn't she pretty?" Abbi asks.

"I guess but, not as pretty as you." I say.

"Oh please don't try and butter me up." She smiles.

"Emma, Dylan thinks you're pretty." She smiles.

"Thank you." She says with no emotion.

"You know what Dylan how about before you and I have fun maybe you and her can have fun." She whispers

"Oh, Abbi I don't think."

She hits me again.

"I didn't ask what you think. You bought me and you have to do whatever I ask. Now get off the bed." She says and I do.

She grabs her sister and pushes her on the bed and restrains her hands and feet to the bed with rope.

I don't like where this is going.

"Now doesn't that look nice. She is ripe for the picking, don't you think we should have some fun with her." She laughs.

"I guess." I mutter. I know if I don't say anything it will be bad.

"Good then touch her." She says and Emma struggles by this she doesn't want this.

"No." She hits me again. "This is rape." I tell her.

"So what? Isn't that what people do to you." She smiles

"This feels wrong." She hits me again and my face is burning and I can feel it getting red.

"I don't care what you feel, I bought you and you do what I say. I own you." She sneers

This is technically true but I don't want to.

"Fine." She says and gets out a paddle. from her night stand. I'm assuming she's going to hit me but, she doesn't she hits Emma right on the stomach. She screams and her eyes start to from tears.

"Touch her or she gets again." I don't know which is worse me sexually assaulting Emma or having her getting beaten in front of me. As I'm debating this she hits her again.

"Touch her and don't make me ask again." She says. I wonder what will happen if I don't. Who knows what else is that drawer of hers.

I start to do what I'm told and Emma's body is stiffening. I don't like this, I want to stop or just leave. What happened last time after I ran out was justified this will not be and who knows what will happen if I do that. She just said she likes to be with all of the victors. She is important for business if I'm bad for her, then I know something bad will happen, probably to Emily. But, I would give anything to have a panic attack now.

Emma doesn't want this but her body is reacting anyways.

"Stop." Abbi tells me.

I do as I'm told.

"Good you're learning." She smiles.

Abbi tells me to do other things to her sister that I don't like and nether does Emma because I can tell she is holding in tears.

"Okay stop." Abbi tells me and I sigh in relief.

"She looks warmed up so now fuck her until she begs you to stop."

"What about you?" I ask confused

"Oh how thoughtful." She says and hits me because I was speaking without her permission.

"My time is not now. Now get on top of her and fuck her until she screams for you stop."

She pushes me on top of her. Emma looks scared and I don't blame her. I want to tell her sorry but, that will make it worse for both of us.

"Go harder I want her to be in pain."

I hesitantly do as I'm told. I don't want to do this, I don't want to do any of this. I can tell I am starting to hurt Emma by the expression on her face.

"Stop! You're hurting me! Stop!" Emma screams and starts crying. I can't do this anymore I stop and get off of her.

"What are you doing!" Abbi says

"She was screaming and crying." I say with disgust.

Abbi hits me

"I don't care but since you are done it's my turn." She says and pushes her tongue deep into my throat. I kiss her back because I know she wants that.

She goes over and unties Emma but drags her over and handcuffs her to a chair I'm assuming she is making her watch.

"Fuck me until I yell out in pain." Abbi tells me.

I do just that and she digs her nails into my chests making scratches.

"Hit me." She says

"No." I say with an edge.

I will never hit a female, you shouldn't hit anyone because violence is wrong and I don't want to do it. Especially since I have seen it happen too many times when my Father abused my Mother. I will never forget seeing those moments because they are burned into my brain.

Emily and I weren't supposed to see him doing it, he was good at doing it when Emily and I weren't home. That was when we were young but, as we got older he stopped caring. Even though we both already knew he was doing it. I had my fair share of abuse as well while I tried to get him to stop beating our Mother.

I think the only person who should've died in that hurricane was him, that way my Mother would've finally been free from him.

Abbi digs her nails deeper into me and then puts the restraints on my wrists.

She gets up off of me and starts to leave.

"Where are you going?" I ask confused.

"Leaving the house I have things to do. If you can get out of that you can leave. If not we can have more fun when I get back." She winks and leaves the room so it is just Emma and myself.

I sigh.

"Emma." I say.

"What?" She sounds scared and I don't blame her.

"How often does she do this?"

"Whenever she brings someone home." She says

"Oh."

"She likes it."

"I can tell." I say with disgust.

"You won't be able to leave. She leaves to make you think you can get away." She says

_I doubt that's true._ I think to myself.

She may leave for that reason but, there must be a way to escape this or else she wouldn't have bothered to say I could leave.

I look at the rope on my wrists, the knots she has tied are ones I recognize. I could easily untie them if I had a free hand. I notice her bed frame has a sharp edge. If I can get the right angle I should be able to get enough pressure so the rope will break.

After thirty minutes I get my right hand free. I get the left one untied within five minutes. I rub my wrists they have small cuts on them. I won't worry about that now, I'm just worried about leaving.

I grab my clothes and get dressed.

"You're the first one." Emma tells me with a smile.

"What?"

"To figure out how to escape. It's easy if you know what to do."

"I see." I put on my clothes and get the key from the bedside table and unlock Emma.

She sighs in relief and puts her clothes back on as well.

"Sorry." I tell her

"Not your fault. Not all the victors care what they do to me though."

"Who else has she bought?"

"All of them. The newest one Cashmere seemed to like it. You should probably leave she is only gone for an hour and if you escape she will give you a better review then you were already going to get.."

I nod and leave the building and head to the car. I get taken back to the hotel and get to the room. I flop down on the sofa and wonder how someone can do something like that to their sister.


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter 34**

It is finally Sunday and that is the night I was promised I could leave. It has only been three days but, it feels like it has been a lot longer. As for Lucifer saying I have a type or at least my mind does subconsciously, I can understand what that might be, because all of them had the same physical features. It wouldn't matter if I find them attractive or not because they are all the same to me. They are all disgusting human beings because they want to buy people and take advantage of them.

I still haven't heard from President Snow and I am hoping it will stay that way but, I'm not that naive he is probably waiting last minute because he wants me to think I will be able to get out of it.

I hear the elevator ding and am assuming this is my next client but, it isn't.

"Hello, Mr. Watt. How do you like these _festivities?_" President Snow says with a devilish smile.

"I can't say it's my style."

"That's what most of you say. I usually don't do house visits but I was in the arena and wanted to see you before you left."

"Well, here's your chance." I smile. When I'm around President Snow I always feel like something bad is going to happen.

"Well, Lucifer has shown me your reviews thus far and they have all be good that makes for good business as I'm sure you can assume."

"Yes, I can. If it has good performance ratings people will be more willing to try it out." I just described myself as a car, which is very sad.

"Good, but I didn't want to see you because of that. If I did I would have to see all the victors, I just wanted to see you." He says and I look at him confused. He walks over to me and is standing close enough that I can feel his breath on me. He is studying me very carefully with his eyes that are so dark it also seems like he has no soul. I can also smell the roses and... blood. His lips look like they are covered with blood blisters I wonder how that happened.

I'm starting to get uncomfortable and can feel my hands sweating.

President Snow smiles and his has have a look of fascination in them.

"Fascinating." He smiles.

"What?" I say confused.

"Tell me Dylan do I make you uncomfortable." He smiles.

"Of course, because I know at any moment you could ruin my life. Whether it be throwing me away in that prison or killing my sister. Anything I do is being judged by you and you invading my personal space isn't making it better.

"I see, so you just don't like being around me."

"Well, I don't like being around other people either most of the population of District Four actually."

"Really, and why is that?" He asks surprised.

"I think you already know why." I say.

"You're right I do, I was just wondering if you wanted to talk about it."

"Not to you or anyone for that matter."

"Really, not even that girl."

"You mean my sister." I say.

"No, the other one _Carter_." He smiles.

_"_How do you know about her?" I ask angrily.

"I have many eyes and ears in the Districts for me. I feel I should mention that she has just joinged -

"The threat list." I say with disgust.

"Yes, I think that is the best way to phrase this." He smiles.

"Is that why you came down here, to make me feel uncomfortable and threaten Carter." I say.

"Yes, I'm not one for personal visits there is always an agenda." He smiles.

"Well, is this agenda over with now or are we going to go a few more rounds."

"No, I think I should be going now. Your train will be coming in two hours." He smiles.

"Until next time." I say.

He chuckles softly "Yes until next time."

He says and practically vanishes from the room. I wonder what else President Snow has found out on me and I wonder if the other victors know he is watching. Always watching.

**A/N: Sorry this chapter is so short but, I'm sick. I had this written already as the start of the chapter, I figured I could post it how it is now. It is better than nothing and I don't know if I will be posting soon. When I feel better I will go back to posting my chapters at their normal length. **


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter 35**

I arrived back in District Four a few days ago and I forgot how the people were here. They are all very rude and seem to fear me I forget probably because the Capitol citizens love me. However, something strange has happened since I have come back. Every day at almost the exact same time a girl comes over and knocks on my door. I don't answer because I don't want to be bothered with new people especially since I know nothing good will come from it.

"What is Victoria Sybil doing knocking at your door?" Emily asks as the girl leaves. This is the first time she has seen the girl coming by.

"You know her?" I say surprised.

"I know who she is, I don't know her personally. She lives in town she helps out in her parents shop. They sell knick knacks and things like that. Why is she seeing you?"

"I don't know. She has knocked on my door every day this week."

"You didn't open it?" She asks surprised.

"No." I say annoyed.

"Why not?"

"I don't like meeting new people and she probably just wants to yell at me."

She scoffs

"Victoria Sybil yell at someone? That statement is hilarious."

"Why?" I ask confused.

"She doesn't yell at anyone, I don't think she ever has and lots of people have deserved it. She's a good person, better than most."

"That still doesn't answer the question. Why would she come and see me?"

"Maybe she wants to see if you're alright. Everyone knows are parents are dead, she probably doesn't know if you have friends or about me. Especially since when you walk through town. You look scared."

This is true and I don't go into town often and when I do it is always by myself. I probably do look scared. I usually spend time with people in the lower level because I like them and they don't seem to judge me. I bet if you would ask anyone down there I'm sure they could point out my sister, Carter, and Tyler.

I shrug

"Guess I'll just ask her tomorrow."

I didn't though because she didn't come she didn't come the next day either, she probably gave up on me. It is going to bother me if I never find out why she kept coming here.

"Where did you say that Victoria girl worked?" I ask Emily.

"Mark's, it's by the doctors office. Why?"

"I want to see why she came here."

"Really?"

"It's bothering me, I need to know."

"Alrighty then. I take it you don't want me to come with you."

"No I need to do things by myself." Ever since I got out I want to have someone with me all the time. I can't live the rest of my life like that I need to become independent again.

She nods and I head out the door. I can feel people staring at me and can hear them saying things.

I close my eyes _It doesn't matter I can't control them. _I think to myself.

I get to the shop.

_What if she's not here?_ I think to myself. _I want to know why she kept coming._

I open up the door and there she is stocking things on a shelf. It looks like no one else is here maybe it is closed.

"Welcome to Mark's is there anything I can help you find?" She says and turns around to look at me.

"Yes actually. You"

"Oh, hi Dylan." She smiles.

I don't know what to say. I'm not good at meeting new people, never have been.

"Tori." She says and points to herself. I can get a better look at her here. She has sun kissed skin, curly light brown hair, and hazel eyes that are more green than brown.

"What?" I say confused.

"My name, I know yours but you don't know mine." She smiles again

"Why did you come to my house? And why did you keep coming when I didn't answer?"

She looks down awkwardly like she doesn't want to tell me.

"Are you a stalker or something?" I tease.

She looks up and smiles. Good I was afraid she wouldn't realize I was kidding.

"No, I saw you in town a few days ago and you looked scared and lonely. I didn't know if it was from the being isolated for awhile or recently going to the Capitol but I thought I should talk to you because I know your parents died when you were sixteen. I didn't know if you had anyone to talk to. I thought maybe you could talk with me if you wanted someone to talk with." She smiles.

"I have a sister." I tell her.

"Oh, I didn't know." She says and twirls her shirt.

I shrug "It's nice to know someone cares about me." I blurt out the words.

She smiles.

"Well, as long as you have one person who looks out for you, you will be set." She smiles.

"Well, why did you stop coming then?" I ask.

"I figured you would rather be left alone."

"That may be true, I'm not good with new people." I say and start fiddling with the bottom of my shirt.

She's so nice, she's not like the other people in town. I feel I could talk to her easily.

"Okay. Well if you ever change your mind you can come and find me. If I'm not here I'm probably at home, it's that one." She motions to a house a few feet away from the shop.

"Okay." I tell her

I don't know what else to say.

"Did you want to buy something?" She asks

"No, what do you even sell?"

"It's a junk shop. Most of the things are from the world before Panem or from other Districts. Don't let my father know I called it a junk shop. That would offend him." She smiles

I nod "I can keep a secret. I should be going." I tell her

"Okay, remember if you want to talk you can find me"

"I'll remember."

I leave and hear someone else come in. He says something his tone of voice makes me think it was about me.

Maybe everyone isn't totally terrible, maybe there are still decent people in the world. I have no idea if I will Tori up on the offer but, it's nice to know that there are still decent human beings out there.


End file.
